


Lost

by ArshuK



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:52:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 74,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4916770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArshuK/pseuds/ArshuK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Posting Complete story on AO3)<br/>As Clarke & Lexa deal with the aftermath of their decisions at Mount Weather,forgotten feelings resurface. Both leaders struggle to find themselves among a world expectations and masks,trust is tested & truths revealed. Story continues on how these emotions affect the alliance,while discovering there are still forces who wish to destroy the whole humanity and leave them to suffer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Lost

Relationship: Clarke and Lexa (Clexa)

Author: ArshuK

Beta: Lowiiie

LOST- CHAPTER 1

The grounders were ready to attack upon Clarke's orders when the voice of their commander stopped them.

"Stand down! Retreat."

Lexa watched the confusion on Clarke's face; a questioning look followed it. A question for her.

"I did what I had to for my people, Clarke." Lexa answered.

Immediately the questioning look was replaced by a look of understanding, but that lasted only for a very brief moment. If Lexa weren't so good at observing Clarke, she might have missed it. But the understanding look was soon, very soon, replaced by the look of betrayal. Clarke's eyes were still wide in disbelief. It killed Lexa to see how much faith that girl had in her, and knew how it would be all lost after these few moments, when Clarke would fully understand the matter.

"You made a deal."She said gritting her teeth, finally coming to the inevitable conclusion as she watched the grounder prisoners coming out of the door.

Anger was now taking over her; her eyes hardening, losing all the warmth they had held for Lexa. Lexa watched Clarke closely as she was doing what Lexa had done many times - in fact had spent nearly her entire life doing - putting on a mask. Clarke put on a mask of indifference to show that what Lexa did only affected her politically, but Lexa was the one who had invented the mask game and therefore knew everything about it. Beside, this was her Clarke. No, she no longer had the right to call her that. It was clear that she could never be hers now. But that did not change the fact that Clarke was the only one, after Costia, whom Lexa's heart, mind, body and soul craved. Maybe it could even have been more than what she had with Costia, if they had given the relationship a chance; Clarke challenged her like no other. She made a part of Lexa come out not even Lexa knew existed. Clarke completed her in ways no one ever had. And yet she could never have her. She was a leader of thousands and could not place her priority before those who depended on her and thus, willing herself to stay strong, she looked into Clarke's blue, cold eyes and whispered,

"May we meet again."

As Lexa marched with her army, back to their camp, she noticed Indra walking alone, without the shadow that usually followed her. "Her brother is more important to her than anyone else," echoed in Lexa's mind. Of course Clarke knew all of her friends well. They all put their feelings before anything else. She knew Clarke thought the same of Lexa, despite knowing her ways, that Lexa would have done the same thing- put her heart before her head. She wanted to and knew that if she had stayed and fought alongside the sky people, they would have won but then, she would have lost her people in the process. She cared about each and every life when it came down to her people. However, she was not scared to sacrifice some, if needed, to save many. But in this case, there was no need for lives to be sacrificed when the safety of her people could be so easily guaranteed.

The ones who didn't know Lexa well and only knew her as their commander thought that it had been an easy decision for her; but it wasn't. It had cost her her heart. It was bleeding, but she was the one who had destroyed its remedy, finished off the healer who could have healed it.

That night, a grand celebration was held at the camp. Lexa, being the commander, was supposed to be present, enjoy it and rejoice. But she watched the celebration with a heavy heart. She hated feeling this way, feeling weak. Angry, she made her way back to her tent and took out her sword. She practiced on a dummy made of wood till it was turned into shreds. She swung her sword till exhaustion overtook her and she entered the realm of unconsciousness.

The next morning, she busied herself immensely not to get distracted with a certain blonde's face in her mind, not to think about when she abandoned her. Rebuilding Ton DC required a lot of physical effort, hence it was the perfect solution. She had been in Ton DC for four days when Indra sent her a message requesting her presence back at the camp. She knew Indra knew better than to call her for anything unless it was important,so she made her way back to the camp. She was, as usual, greeted by her warriors chanting, "Heda! Heda!" She held her head high as she moved towards her tent outside which Indra was standing.

"Heda." She greeted. Lexa nodded and made her way to her throne.

"Speak up, Indra. I do not have all day." Strangely enough, Indra looked a little nervous. A little. Lexa knew her too well for it to go unnoticed by her.

"Yes Heda; last night, one of our informers informed us that the mountain has been taken down by the sky people."

"The sky people? How?" Lexa asked unbelievably.

"Their commander is wise, Heda. She found the rest of her people, organized them and then went inside through the mines. "

"That does not explain how they won." Lexa remarked.

"These are the only details our informer could bring. But you can ask them when they come tonight."

"They come tonight? Why?" Lexa asked, surprised.

"That is not known to me, Heda. But, if they are not welcome here then all you have to do is say so." Indra reassured her commander.

"No. Allow them to come. I want to hear what they have to say." Lexa said decisively.

"Yes, Heda. But do you think it's wise after what happened? They can be a threat to you." Indra said, concerned.

"Do not question me, Indra. Remember your stand." Lexa hissed.

"Forgive me, Heda." Indra quickly apologized. Indra herself was a lethal warrior but she knew the commander and did not want to be on her wrong side.

"And remember, I am very capable of defending myself against those people. They are no threat to me." Lexa continued in a low tone.

"Yes, Heda."

"You may leave now." Lexa dismissed Indra who bowed and left.

Once she was left alone, the wheels of her mind started turning. How had Clarke managed to defeat the mountain men on her own? It was impossible. Yet she knew Clarke's potential and how different were her ways from any other leader Lexa had met. She was proud of the leader Clarke was shaping into and smiled a little.

After a few hours, one of Lexa's guards informed Lexa about the sky people's arrival. She sat on her throne and ordered,

"Bring them in."

She put on her mask of the strong, ruthless and fearless leader that she was known for. She heard three pairs of feet moving towards her tent. She was an excellent hunter and could hardly ever be wrong.

In entered, Bellamy, Raven and Clarke. Lexa exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding as the last person mentioned entered.

Bellamy had placed himself in front of Clarke in a defensive position. The boy was really protective of Clarke. He would be a fine bodyguard, Lexa observed.

"So, what is it that you want Clarke of the sky people?" She heard the years of the trained leader voice of hers speak.

Clarke and Lexa hadn't had any eye contact since Clarke and her people had entered due to Bellamy's position. Lexa watched Clarke put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder as if reassuring him that she was safe. Did she really think that I would hurt her? Other than feeling hurt Lexa felt angry at the tender manner Clarke had used with the boy. But those were all her internal feelings. Externally, nothing showed on her face.

The instant Lexa's eyes found Clarke's she knew she was not forgiven. The same coldness was visible in them, like the last time she had looked at them. If it were possible, they had hardened even more.

Clarke cleared her throat, which brought Lexa's attention back to the present.

"I want to have peace with our neighbors, with you. We can't work together as we did before but I need to know that you are not a threat to us."

"And what do you have in exchange for that?" Lexa said curtly.

"In return, we will not attack you." Clarke simply said.

"What? Did you just threaten me?" Commander burst out angrily.

"We are not the weak ones that you can dispose off for your benefit. Not anymore. We have Mount Weather's technology with us now, our brains and your training. We are the strong side now, Commander. And you should be thankful to us for making peace with you." Clarke answered fearlessly.

Lexa observed Clarke for a while before saying. "Well spoken, Clarke of the sky people. But need I remind you that I have the power of all the 12 clans? My warriors can…"

"Okay, okay Commander. Let's agree that both our sides are strong, which is more the reason for us to form this peace treaty." Clarke said irritated.

"An alliance?" Lexa questioned.

"Never!" Clarke spoke angrily, without thinking. Hatred evident in her eyes. Lexa smirked at this. She wasn't as good at hiding her emotions as she thought.

Lexa's smirk made Clarke realize her slip and she quickly amended it by saying,

"I think our people not going to war with one another is enough. Nothing more, nothing less."

"I accept your proposition, Clarke of the sky people. You have nothing to fear from us unless you do anything to offend us."

"Not like this. I need you to announce it in front of all your men."

Lexa knew why she put this condition. "All right. We have a festival tonight and all the heads of the clans will attend it. You can come and I will announce it."

"Right. We will leave now." Clarke said and, without waiting for any response from the commander, turned around to leave. Lexa thought over what Clarke had just said. Clarke was a sweet and kind girl, and would have said thank you not 'right' like she just had. Everything was off about her.

"Clarke, wait." Lexa interrupted Clarke's movement.

"Yes?" Clarke said, turning around.

"Can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?" The commander asked.

"I don't think so." Bellamy spoke, not ready to leave Clarke's side.

Lexa remained quiet as she watched Clarke contemplating something. Finally she said, "It's fine, Bel. Go with Raven and wait outside." She put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder, again, making Lexa growl inwardly.

When Bellamy and Raven left, Clarke moved towards the table placed in the center of the tent and started playing with a quill on said table. She wasn't going to be the one to speak first. Finally, after a moment of heavy silence, she heard Lexa clear her throat.

"You are angry, Clarke." The commander said in a tired voice.

"No. I am not."

"Yes, you are."

"It doesn't matter what I feel, Commander. I am a leader, I can't feel anything." Clarke spoke hotly.

"It had to be done." Lexa said softly.

"No it didn't. Not if you had honored our alliance and treated my people like yours." Clarke accused, her eyes sending daggers to the commander's.

"Our deal was to get our respective people out Clarke, I was in no way responsible for your people and neither were you for mine." Lexa said moving towards the table.

"Well, good for you. Congratulations! Your brilliant back stabbing plan worked perfectly well for you." Moisture glittered in Clarke's eyes.

No one had ever dared to speak to Lexa the way Clarke did at the moment. Lexa was sure Indra would have had Clarke's head by now, even if she had tried to stop her. However, Lexa could not find it in herself to be offended by Clarke.

"Anything else that you wanted to ask, Commander?" 'Commander' was a term of respect that people used for Lexa, yet it sounded like an insult from Clarke's lips. She was used to Clarke addressing her by her name, not her title, and it didn't feel right.

"How did you defeat the mountain men?" Lexa asked, genuine curiosity in her voice.

"I should thank you for that."

"Me?" Lexa questioned.

"I used Cage's weakness against him." Clarke said. Lexa waited for Clarke to elaborate. When she didn't, Lexa was forced to ask,

"His weakness being?"

"Love. Love for his father. He gave it all up for his father and you know why?"

Lexa remained silent.

"Because I had promised him that I will free his father in exchange for him."

"And did you?"

"No. I shot them both. They both bled to death in front of me. And I felt nothing. No guilt. No shame for breaking their trust. Nothing." Clarke said, her face expressionless.

Then she turned around to leave. While walking to the door her last words were, "It made me understand how you felt when you broke the alliance, Commander. Destroyed the faith I had in you. You felt nothing."

Indra entered the Commander's tent as soon as the sky people left but the Commander ordered her to leave and not to be disturbed unless necessary. Once alone she broke down to tears. The ruthless and fearless Commander, who had not shed tears since Costia's death, was finally leaking them. She had lost any chance of finding love. She had lost Clarke forever. There was no remedy for her bleeding heart anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

LOST – CHAPTER 2

Lexa woke with a start, her chest contracting as her lungs urgently fought her body to take in the oxygen required by her rapidly beating heart. She was covered in a cold sweat, the rough pelt wrapped haphazardly around her waist and right leg, evidence of the restless night she had - twisting and turning in her sleep. She had a nightmare, one she couldn't recall though she was sure it revolved around a certain blonde woman.

She tried to calm her racing heart, shutting her eyes and pressing a fist onto her forehead lightly, as though it could dismiss the sinister scenes her mind had delivered in her slumber instead of the rest she yearned for. Her breathing slowly regained normalcy, but the tension in her chest did not subside. She finally opened her eyes to the new day. Her throat was dry, so she made her way to the jug placed on her table and gulped a glass of water. Her body felt drained of its strength. Her limbs hurt. She felt exhausted externally as well as internally. The last part was new to her. She couldn't recall feeling weak internally in a very long time. She had been injured a lot of times and physical pain didn't matter to her anymore. Last night's reckless, needless and limitless sword 'practice' was the cause of the stress in her limbs. It was very rare for her to be exhausted after merely exercising but how long had she been at it? 5 hours? 6? I think I broke my own record, she mused. Thinking back to the present, this new feeling of being emotionally drained returned. She frowned. What was happening to her? After splashing cold water on her face, as if it would also wipe away the memories she was trying very hard to block, she made her way out of her tent.

The sun was just beginning to make its presence known on the horizon, not yet delivering any warmth, but lighting the sky to a dark blue shade. The camp was silent and Lexa could only hear the low rhythmic footsteps of her guards guarding the perimeter; that too thanks to her remarkable hearing. Her mind was burdened and she could not think properly. She needed to clear it up so she could perform her role as the Commander of thousands of people of the 12 clans.

She made her way to one of the guard patrolling. He, upon seeing her, instantly bowed his head in respect and acknowledged her, "Heda." She nodded in response and asked the warrior to fetch her a horse in Trigedasleng.

He immediately obeyed and brought her the finest horse; her brown, strong, lethal horse. She took the reins and left the camp without a word. The guard had wanted to accompany her for her safety but had been silenced with one look of the deadly Commander.

Riding was all about the feel of it, for the troubled Commander. The feel of a connection between her and the horse, soft and supple through the reins, the feel of her hips freely moving in sync with the horse's strides, the feel of a firm back delivering a well-timed half-halt. The more she put her attention to these feelings, the more harmonious and joyful riding became. She was no longer the Commander everyone feared, rather a young innocent woman. A free woman. The woman she wanted to be. Carefree. Joyous. Lighthearted and happy. The woman she could never be.

She commanded her horse to stop by pulling the reins when she reached a clearing in the forest. This was her favourite spot. It was not the most beautiful piece of land she had witnessed but she loved this place because of the peace and tranquility it offered. Even the birds were quiet here. She got off her horse and sat down on the grass.

Then she tried to recall her dream. Nightmare would be more accurate. The Commander was fearless and hadn't had any nightmares since Costia's death. She closed her eyes and lied down. The images of last night came flashing back to her in bits and pieces. Clarke hanging upside down, being drained of her blood. Clarke being tortured, her nails brutally removed. Clarke being electrified. Clarke being...she jolted her eyes open and in a swift motion sat up. "No," she whispered softly, defeated. She had lost the battle against herself. She was totally and utterly in love with Clarke; the girl who hated her.

Lexa took in deep breaths to calm her emotions down. The cool, refreshing morning breeze helped. She was a warrior and this was just another war, she comforted herself. She hadn't lost any battle since she had taken up commandership and wasn't ready to lose this one either. Determined not to think of Clarke, not to care about her, she rode back to her camp. Repeating the mantra love is weakness in her head.

The sun was mature enough to provide heat when she returned. Her subjects were awake and the camp was busting with life. Blades were being sharpened, as per early morning routine of her warriors. The children were laughing and playing around. Some warriors had already started training, which she approved by sending a small nod in their direction. She made her way to her tent where breakfast had been placed on her table. She did not feel hungry but ate because she knew that the day would require her energy.

Soon after that, Indra entered to know what services the Commander demanded from her today.

"Get a hunting party ready. We need to hunt for tonight's festival. And position additional guards at the perimeters."

"Yes, Heda." Indra responded respectfully and left.

Moments later, Lexa went to the hunt. It was working all well - the distractions - till Lexa heard the voice of Pauna. She, momententarily, froze. Her mind shouting Clarke! The sinister scene replaying in her mind; how she thought Clarke and her were going to die, how Clarke would die in front of her eyes. She opened her mouth to give voice to the shouts in her mind but, thankfully, Indra spoke up and brought Lexa back to the present.

"Commander, we need to leave. Now." Indra said, urgency in her voice as she watched her Commander rooted to the spot.

She propelled herself after her army chief and found her out of harm's way soon enough. Indra had a confused look on her face, as she had never seen the strong Commander at loss of what to do, even if it was for a moment. This was a first. However, she knew better than to voice her concerns.

They were greeted in their camp by cheers, bringing in four deers and one panther.

The preparations of the festival were complete. Dancers were ready to perform, a bonfire was set up and the fermented intoxicating drink was also brought in for the celebration. The hunted animals were being roasted on a separate fire.

Lexa went into her tent and cleaned herself up. When she went back outside, she found that the heads of all the clans had arrived except the sky people. She frowned at their absence but before she could ask Indra about the matter she heard a commotion on her left side. She already guessed what this was about before she saw Clarke's blue jacket making its way towards her. She knew her people didn't care about the sky people anymore; not that they ever did for that matter but it had been clear that the Commander had favoured them greatly. No one had dared to go against the Commander but since the alliance had been sabotaged by the Commander herself, they felt as though they could go back to treating the sky people like the scum they thought they were.

"Daun ste pleni!"(That is enough) Lexa ordered in her native language.

As the crowd made way for the sky delegation, Lexa saw that Clarke was accompanied by Bellamy and Raven's boy - what was his name, she failed to recall. They were both armed and walking on either side of their leader. The rest of the crowd had resumed back to their celebrations, when Clarke finally stood in front of the Commander.

"Welcome, Clarke of the sky people." Lexa spoke in an emotionless voice.

"Thank you, Commander." Clarke said, her voice not betraying any emotions either.

"Your bodyguards need to put their..."

Clarke cut Lexa off. "Weapons? No. I don't think that's going to happen."

"You are going to defy me in front of my people, in my camp? Who do you think you are?" Lexa spoke dangerously but behind the mask, she was enjoying this. It was just like the old Clarke, always defying the Commander. Besides, no one was watching them anymore.

Clarke took a bold step towards the Commander and, looking straight into the green eyes, spoke,

"I am the leader who is your equal. Not your subordinate so it doesn't matter where I am, I do not take orders from you, Commander. Besides, I cannot walk without any protection in your camp especially."

Lexa thought this over and couldn't help but agree. Clarke had a lot of enemies here and she suddenly felt very stupid for inviting Clarke to such event where she would find an enemy everywhere her head turned. She needed to announce the peace treaty quickly...but she needed to discuss it with her generals first. Therefore she motioned for Clarke to follow her to the headquarters' tent.

All the generals and Clarke stood around the table as the Commander told them about establishing the peace treaty with the sky people.

As soon as the Commander stopped speaking, many of her generals protested against it. One of them managed to raise his voice over the others.

"What are they doing here, Heda? I thought you were done with these invaders. We don't need them or their technology! We have survived long enough without it." He said spitting.

"Behave, Jared! Need I remind you what the mountain men did with their weapons? Their technology? The sky people have that technology now." Lexa spoke sharply.

"Then we kill them all. Kill this girl!" He threw himself at Clarke but the Commander was faster and, in the blink of an eye, he was on the floor with the blade of her sword pointing at his throat.

"You listen to me. You are not the Commander. You do not have the right to decide. Your job is just to voice the opinion of your clan. And listen to me clearly, I will not allow anyone to destroy the peace I have built. "

"Yes, Commander." He croaked and was released after a while, though Lexa kept glaring at him.

The rest of the generals watched the proceedings with bored looks, which made Clarke believe that it must be something normal for them.

"Commander, with all due respect, I want to ask you, why can't we just wipe them off? Like Jared asked?" Another general spoke, looking directly at Clarke.

"Because you cannot." Clarke answered before Lexa could, gritting her teeth. Lexa remained quiet because she knew Clarke could stand her very well.

"Is that so, sky princess?" The grounder mocked her.

"You failed to take down the mountain for 97 years. Your people were turned into reapers and you watched that happen helplessly. Your people were kept prisoners in that mountain yet you couldn't get them out until very recently with MY people's help. You have failed to bring down the mountain. Your warriors were useless. MY people are the conquers of the mountain. The victors. Oh, and we are the ones who can revert back your reapers with our useless technology. So tell me, can you afford to attack us?" Clarke said, breathing heavily.

This general wasn't a hot head like general Jared and remained quiet for a while, thinking. Finally he spoke up, "Then why are YOU forming this alliance?"

"This isn't an alliance, general. This is just a peace treaty." Clarke corrected him instantly. Lexa inwardly flinched at this. It was like Clarke hated the word alliance; ironic as she was literally saying it all the time when she first met Lexa.

"As for the answer to your question; I don't want any more battles between our people. It does us no good; we just lose lives. We don't need to fight nor do we need to stay together. We just need to remain at peace so we can both move forward with our lives. Life isn't just about surviving, there is more to it that than. We need to give all ourselves the chance to find out the 'more'."

"We deserve it." Lexa spoke quietly.

Clarke turned her head in the Commander's direction and when their eyes met, Clarke was sure what moment Lexa was recalling from her memory. Lexa continued to stare into Clarke's eyes as if to decipher something. Clarke didn't back down; she had nothing to hide from Lexa anymore. She no longer cared for Lexa's opinion, about her thoughts. Finally the Commander broke away from the stare and asked her generals, "Any more questions on my decision, generals?"

None of them said anything but Michael, the one who had questioned Clarke, stared at Clarke with clear fascination in his eyes. Clarke took no notice but the Commander did and this made her scowl. However she knew better than to speak her mind over such petty matter.

"You all can go and enjoy the celebrations now. I will join you all shortly and announce the peace treaty." She said the last part looking at Clarke who nodded and left the tent first. Bellamy and Wick following in her step.

The rest of the generals mumbled "Heda" and made their way out too. But Lexa asked Jared to stay in her tent. Once everybody was out, she, in a quick motion, took Jared by his throat and whispered menacingly in his ear.

"Do not dare attack Clarke. Ever. If you as much as come near her, I will make sure that's the last thing you do."

"Why do you care so much about that girl, Commander?"

"I care about peace, general. She is the one who ensures peace between our people and the sky people, and you will do nothing to jeopardize it, do you understand?"

"Y-yes, Heda."

"Good. Leave now. And speak of this to no one or you won't live to see another day."

The poor general nodded and quickly made his way out of the tent.

Meanwhile, Clarke was confronted by Michael, about his fascination of the sky people's ways. He asked her, very curiously, "I don't understand, Clarke of the sky people. If you have all the power you claim to have then why do YOU want peace this way. You could just win a war and have peace all over."

Clarke smiled before answering, "Those are your ways of ensuring peace, general. Not ours. Besides, I know where the loyalties of your people lie. They lie in the right person. Lexa might have betrayed me and my people but she is the selfless Commander for her people. I could never be that leader for your people. There will always be differences."

"You know people will follow you, once you earn their respect." The general spoke after a while.

This made Clarke turn to look at the general, as this was not what she had expected any general to say. This general was not very old. Older than Lexa and Clarke but not very old. He must be 25-26, Clarke observed.

"I know how respect from your people is earned, general. I think I will pass on the offer. Now if you'll excuse me I would like to join the celebrations." Clarke said coldly.

"Yes, sure." The general mumbled and removed himself from Clarke's proximity.

"What was that about?" Bellamy asked, making his way to Clarke.

"You heard what it was about. Grounders and their ways." Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

They heard cheers and saw that a dance had started around the fire. The sky people didn't know about the steps; nevertheless it looked fun.

"You both should go and enjoy yourselves." Clarke told her guards.

"What about you, princess? You are not safe here." Wick said.

"Oh, I doubt anyone would try to harm me in the presence of all these witnesses. Their Commander would not want the peace to be turned into pieces." Clarke smiled.

"Then come on, join us Clarke!" Bellamy said, trying to take her hand.

"I will, after Lexa announces the peace treaty, Bellamy. Now go. Have fun."

Clarke watched, smiling, as both her friends made their way to the "dance floor". She couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous they looked dancing in grounder fashion.

After a while, the dancing stopped and Clarke frowned at the abruptness. Then she saw the Commander walking out of the tent. People bowed at her as she passed them. She ignored them and made her way to the center.

"People of the 12 clans, you are gathered today to celebrate the day we all were united 6 years ago. We have accomplished remarkable achievements since that day. All our clans have contributed equally for those successes. Today's celebration is also a means to welcome back our warriors who had been captured by the Mountain Men. We welcome you all home."

Cheers greeted the Commander's little speech. "Heda, Heda" was being chanted all around the camp. This was another demonstration for the sky people of how much the people loved and respected their Commander.

Lexa did not smile; she rather remained stoic at the appreciation. The Commander who did not feel anything. After some time, she raised one hand to quiet the crowd. Immediately, silence overtook the cheers.

"On this day, I would like to announce a peace treaty between our people and the sky people." She nodded her head in Clarke's direction, who looked straight into her eyes without flinching.

"No one is to cause any harm to Clarke's people. You do not need to corporate with them but you are also not allowed to hurt them. If someone attacks them, we will not fight for them but we ourselves will not be the attackers."

Murmurs started in the crowd on how unfair this was but the Commander again successfully silenced them by warning her people,

"Anyone not honoring the terms will lose their head. No questions asked." A pause.

"I have one last thing to say. The people we've lost in Ton DC will always be remembered. They were our heroes. We owe it to them to bring the city to its previous glory, and so shall we. Today, we drink to them." Lexa said raising the glass of wine that was handed to her by one of her guards.

"To Ton DC." She said as she gulped down the foul liquid. The rest of her people followed her example. Then the Commander moved from the center and the celebrations resumed. She was walking to her attributed seat when she heard someone call her from the back. She turned around and found Bellamy standing there.

"Commander, can we talk in private?"

"What about?"

"I will tell you but not here." He said his eyes pointing over to Clarke who was talking to Wick.

"Alright. Follow me." Lexa said as she made way to her tent and sat on her throne.

Bellamy, ever confident, spoke up immediately, without needing any permission.

"This morning Clarke was attacked by a mountain man."

"Mountain man? Didn't they all meet their ends at the mountain?" Lexa questioned rapidly.

"They did, but some of them survived and are angry. Most don't dare do anything but we cannot stop them all, neither can we track them all and kill them."

"Where were Clarke's guards? Didn't you think it necessary to defend your leader?" Lexa hissed.

"She doesn't like to be followed, I am sure even you know that. She dodged all of us when she left camp Jaha."

"Where did she go?"

"To the river. She had a lot on her mind."

"Clarke is still alive meaning she defended herself well." Lexa stated.

Bellamy sighed and said, "Not really. I couldn't find her in the camp so I went out to look for her. I found her bleeding with the mountain man pointing a gun on her head. Clarke had shot all her bullets but the mountain man was wearing a bulletproof vest so it had no effect on him. He was about to shoot her but I shot him in the head first."

Lexa was shaken to her core. Clarke had been so close to the clutches of death. She shuddered involuntarily and spoke angrily. "How could you leave her even for a second Bellamy? She cannot die!"

"I know that! But I also know that if Clarke doesn't want to be protected by others then no one can do it. She is very stubborn!"

"That she is." The Commander said, her lips twitching a bit. She quickly recovered and, with her mask firmly placed back on she asked,

"Why are you telling me this, Bellamy?"

"Because I need your help. I need your people to teach Clarke how to fight in grounder ways. Physically. Without guns or pistols."

"And why do you think I will help you?"

"I don't think you will help me, Commander. But I am asking you for your help because I care about Clarke and I know that you owe Clarke at least that after what you did."

"You dare speak to me in this manner, boy! I can have your head for this!"

"But you won't because you know I am right. Now, the choice is yours Commander. I have said what I wanted to say." Bellamy said, retreating out of the tent.

"She will not listen to me. She will not take any favours from me." Lexa spoke quietly.

"Then don't make it a favour." Bellamy left with these words.

Lexa frowned. She knew Bellamy was right, no matter how much Lexa despised him or his affection for Clarke. Clarke needed to learn how to protect herself and her people could teach her that on her orders, but she knew convincing Clarke would be next to impossible. She was so close to death, Lexa shuddered again.

She needed to make the impossible happen, whatever the cost.

Lexa knew she had to be present at the celebrations and made her way out of the tent. She took her high seat and watched the dancing without much interest until she saw blonde hair bouncing side to side. A smile crept on her lips as she watched Clarke moving care freely among the crowd. Her moves were not coordinated but the pleasure on her face was evident. Her face was literally glowing. Lexa's amusement turned to boiling rage as she saw Bellamy place his arms around Clarke's waist and hers on his shoulders before starting another dance. The Commander's face had turned red and her hands were holding onto her chair so hard she feared the chair's handles would break soon. Just when the Commander thought she couldn't take it anymore and was getting ready to kill Bellamy, they stopped dancing and Lexa watched as Clarke made her way to the food to take a bite of the roasted meat. She was offered wine by one of the many servers but Clarke refused. Lexa approved as she herself disapproved of the drink. She had only taken a sip of it when she had dedicated it to the Ton DC people. But that was it. Lexa believed the drink was made for foolish people, intoxicating them and making them lose all their senses.

Suddenly Clarke looked up and saw Lexa staring at her unabashedly. Clarke didn't back down from the stare either; instead she made her way to the chair placed on the left side of the Commander.

"This is a nice celebration. You didn't tell me it was for celebrating you." Clarke accused.

"Celebrating me? No." Lexa replied, confused.

"Who united the clans? You. What are the people chanting? 'Heda. Heda.' Who is the Heda?" Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

Lexa felt her lips twitching on their own accord at this.

"Commander, I wanted to talk to you about Ton DC." Clarke said, turning her head in Lexa's direction.

"What about it?" Lexa questioned, not turning her head to avoid Clarke's gaze.

"I heard you have started rebuilding it." Clarke started.

"Ah hmm."

"Well, I want to help you do that." Clarke offered.

"And why would I want or accept your help? We are not allies." Lexa spoke with a firm voice.

"No, we are not. But I am just as equally responsible as you for destroying the place."

"Those were my people who died, not yours. You need not worry about them."

"Commander, I..."

"You can help me on one condition."

"And what is that?" Clarke asked sharply.

Lexa finally turned her head to look at Clarke. "I do not want favours from you, Clarke, just like you don't want from me. In exchange for your help, I will have my warriors train you to fight."

"I do not need a warrior's training, Commander. I have all the latest weapons. Guns are much better than spears and much lighter too." Clarke said, looking back at the celebrations.

"Yet, you were helpless this morning." Lexa spoke quietly.

"How do you know? Oh! Of course, Bellamy told you! I will kill him!" Clarke squealed.

"And here you were telling me your ways are different from ours." Lexa smirked.

"I do not need your help, Commander. And that is it."

"Then you do not get to help rebuilding Ton DC."

"It's not your decision to make. I owe it to their families. I am doing it for them, not you."

"And they are my people so indirectly you are helping me. Making me indebted to you."

"You are impossible." Clarke said, getting up.

"So I've been told."

"When will this warrior of yours start the training?" Clarke asked, defeated.

"Tomorrow, at sunrise he will be at camp Jaha." Lexa replied, looking straight ahead at the celebrations.

"And my people, with the required machines, will be at Ton DC tomorrow as well. Goodbye, Commander." Lexa nodded and watched amusedly as Clarke scolded Bellamy while walking out of her camp.

Clarke was angry at Bellamy for telling the Commander about the incident. Bellamy defended himself by telling her he could not risk her life again and that she was the one thanks to whom peace could be created and had been established. At one point he also said how important Clarke was to him and how he refused to lose her. Clarke raised her eyebrows at this but didn't reply. After all, she wouldn't want any of her friends to die either. Bellamy must feel the same way, she presumed. After losing the argument against Bellamy, she instructed him to send a team with constructing machinery to Ton DC and then, she walked away from him, still angry.

So here she was now, waking up the earliest in camp Jaha to get her ass kicked by the warrior Lexa was to send, and she was sure the warrior, whoever that would be, would enjoy every second of it. She knew what the tree people thought of her.

She quickly ate her breakfast, which comprised of a rabbit's leg and an apple. Then, putting on her jacket, she made her way to the fence. She contemplated whether or not to wait outside the gate. In the end, she decided that she would stay inside and wait. It was not safe out, she knew.

After a few minutes, she saw a horse moving towards the camp. She saw a large guy sitting on it. Obviously, all the grounder men were huge. She bent down to tie her shoe laces and when she got up, her mouth fell open as next to the man rode the glorious Commander herself with a smirk adorning her face, stopping her horse right in front of the gate.

She said something to the man who dismounted from the horse and left.

"What are you doing here?" Clarke asked, crossing her hands over her chest.


	3. Chapter 3

LOST- CHAPTER 3

"I told you that you would be trained in exchange for your help at Ton DC." Lexa said with a straight face.

"Yes, but you told me that a warrior of yours will teach me." Clarke said irritated.

"I am the best warrior, Clarke." Lexa said, trying to conceal the smirk that was dying to show itself.

"And an arrogant one at that." Clarke mumbled but still didn't move from where she was standing.

"Is there a problem, Clarke?" Lexa asked sharply.

"None at all, Commander." Clarke sighed as she opened the gate of camp Jaha and stepped out.

Lexa waited for Clarke to mount on the horse, holding the reins in her hand. As soon as Clarke was settled, Lexa motioned her stallion forward. Shortly after however, she stopped as she didn't hear the hooves of the other horse. She turned hers around and saw Clarke petting the horse's mane and pleading in its ear,

"Hey! Please move you feet and start walking."

Then, adding to Lexa's amusement, she pulled the reins of the horse; a motion used to halt a horse. Finally, Clarke took the ears of the horse in her hands and pulled them. Hard. This presumably offended the horse and it threw her on the ground.

"Bad girl! All you had to do was walk! How difficult is that to understand?" Clarke scolded the horse.

"By the way you were pulling the reins? Very." Lexa stated in a matter-of-fact-tone.

"What do you mean? I was asking it to move!" Clarke said looking up at Lexa as she was still sitting on the ground. A scowl had found its way on her face.

"Horses do not understand English, Clarke. Pulling the reins meant you were trying to halt it." Lexa said, hardly concealing the amusement from her voice.

"Whatever. And did you have to get such a large horse for me?"

"It's not large. It's average heighted."

"Sure. It's not large, it's gigantic." Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

Lexa had enough of it and, in a swift motion, got off her horse and spoke in an impatient and menacing tone, "Get up."

Clarke noticed the change in the Commander's demeanor and thought best to obey her. She got up, though still frowning. Lexa held the reins of Clarke's horse and motioned for Clarke to sit on the saddle. Clarke put one arm on the horse and the other on Lexa's shoulder as she heaved herself up. Once she was settled on her horse, Lexa expertly sat on hers and, with the reins of Clarke's horse in her left hand and hers in her right, she made both the horses saunter.

"I really didn't know that the leader of the sky people didn't know how to ride a horse." Lexa said, teasing.

"Firstly, you know I was no leader in space and secondly, we didn't have horses there. There was barely enough oxygen and space for us, let alone animals. Oh, and I might as well mention; this horse is very uncooperative." Clarke defended herself.

"How did you ride to Ton DC then?"

"Well, I was desperate, adrenaline rush, and one of my soldiers had helped me start the horse."

"Start the horse? You revived a dead horse?" Lexa asked, disbelievingly.

Clarke laughed at this and answered." No, no. Start like you know, how you start the engine of a spaceship."

Lexa gave her a blank look.

"Or you don't. What I meant that he had helped the horse start running."

Lexa nodded in response. Silence followed after this.

Finally Clarke asked, "Where are we going?"

"The place where I train."

"You don't train with your warriors?" Clarke asked, surprised.

"I do but sometimes I like solitude. Not only for physical training but for mental preaparation too. A leader's mind must remain focused and clear at all time."

"That's probably where you went before we left for the war, right?" Clarke said, sending daggers through her eyes.

Lexa remained quiet for a moment then answered honestly, "Yes."

An uncomfortable silence now greeted them but neither dared break it. They kept moving on and on, the ground becoming further uneven, and Clarke automatically wrapped her arms around the horse's neck as if fearing for her life.

"It isn't that easy to fall of the saddle. Hedwin isn't going to buck or bolt." Lexa assured her.

"No, it's going to trot or canter." Clarke retorted.

"If you really don't want to ride then you can walk all the way." Lexa offered, sighing in frustration.

"That sounds like a good plan except for the fact that I don't know how long I will have to walk. And knowing you, it's probably somewhere very far deep in the woods. And that's why I think I am fine with a horse."

"Well then, relax. My back is hurting just from watching you."

She did relax, just a little and Lexa let go; Clarke's fingers auto-piloting and gripping the reins.

"What are you doing?" Clarke shrieked.

"Teaching."

"Well, you won't be able to do that long if your student disables herself during the first lesson." Clarke said, sounding desperate now.

"So you are willing for more?" Lexa said, her lips twitching.

"You are smiling. Finally showing some emotions. I thought I would be happy to see that but I am not."

Lexa started, "You could be a…"

"It's started moving fast! Stop this thing!" Clarke shouted.

"It's okay, Clarke. Now listen to me, and do as I say. I promise I will not let anything happen to you."

Clarke gulped and opened her mouth to protest but Lexa beat her.

"I am going to hit its hindquarters and it will start trotting. You can increase the speed by kicking its side with your feet. The speed depends on the intensity of the kick. To steer the horse, you are to use the reins." Lexa instructed in her Commander voice.

"But…"

"And Clarke, don't let your horse sense your fear. Trust it and it will trust you back. Ready?"

"Noooo…" Lexa hadn't waited for an answer. The horse had already started moving after being hit by Lexa.

"Now use the reins, Clarke. Turn to the left. Pull the reins and slow down a bit. Yes, that's a good pace."

Clarke was listening to Lexa with undivided attention; after all, if she didn't, the odds were highly in favour of her falling and breaking her bones.

After some time, Clarke actually started to enjoy the ride. She had finally gotten the hang of it. She turned around to look at Lexa and found her right behind her, trotting on her horse, a small smile playing on the Commander's face. Clarke couldn't help but notice how young and full of life this made the Commander look. Clarke automatically felt her lips twitching upwards, warming Lexa's heart.

"You are enjoying the ride, Clarke?"

"Enjoying is too strong a word. I am just glad that I haven't broken any bones yet."

"Don't worry, you won't." The Commander reassured her.

"I hope that rings true even after the training." Clarke mumbled.

Lexa smirked at the comment but didn't reply.

Soon enough they arrived at the clearing they were supposed to train at. Lexa got off her horse gracefully and waited for Clarke to do the same, though not gracefully.

"Wow. It's so quiet here." Clarke observed out loud.

"That's what I like about this place." Lexa spoke to no one in particular.

"Are those white roses? I had read about them in Nature Studies on the Ark." Clarke said excitedly.

"Maybe. But that doesn't matter at the moment. Now, attack me."

"What?"

"Attack me." Lexa repeated.

"You are not even wearing your armor." Clarke exclaimed.

"So? I am sure I won't need it with you." Lexa mocked her.

"Don't temp me."

"Give your best shot, Clarke of the sky people." Lexa said confidently.

Bellamy had taught Clarke some moves before and Clarke wanted to show the Commander that she wasn't totally useless in that area so she attacked her with her best move. At least, what she thought was her best move.

She raised her head to go for a kick and when Lexa bent down to block it, she punched Lexa in the jaw. At least that was what was supposed to happen according to Clarke. But Lexa was too fast. As soon as she realized Clarke was going to punch instead of kick, she placed her leg behind Clarke's and pushed making Clarke lose balance and kiss the ground.

"Ouch. I think I've scratched my elbow." Clarke said, rubbing her arm.

"Lesson one: get knocked down then get back up." Lexa barked.

"Curl all your fingers, thumb out, and then throw your arm. As soon as you punch, whether you reach the mark or not, get ready to block the enemy's attack. Then attack again."

Clarke again tried to punch Lexa but was again blocked. She tried to kick her but that too was an unsuccessful move. Lexa, however, observed the girl; she was determined. She saw the way her eyes hardened and the way she seemed to shrug off every mistake and learn from it.

Lexa motioned for her to stop and instructed, "Clarke, before you can truly fight, you need to learn the movements. You need to learn where to throw your fists, where to place your kicks and when to turn defensive and protect yourself."

"I… am… trying." Clarke panted.

"You are too tense Clarke. You need to let your body become fluid, agile. You must be the one controlling your muscles not the other way around. Observe your enemy and then make your move."

"Show me. Don't be all defensive. Show me some moves so I can copy them."

Lexa remained silent for a few moments then spoke up, "Attack, I will fight back."

Clarke raised her arm to punch Lexa but Lexa gripped her fist and twisted her arm around. Then she kicked Clarke's legs making her fall on her ass. The same happened quite a few times. Clarke's frustration level kept on increasing.

Her clothes were thoroughly dirty by now, but she wasn't ready to give up and not that the Commander would let her; she knew she wouldn't. And so she got up again and tried to knock down the Commander by attacking her legs this time but Lexa just jumped and dodged Clarke's leg with ease. Lexa attacked Clarke in turn and Clarke was on the ground once more.

"Focus, Clarke. Follow my moves. Learn to use the power of your muscles. Get up."

Clarke was badly bruised and every inch of her body ached. Yet in that moment Clarke was angry and the adrenaline rush made her get up. But as soon as she got up, Lexa threw a punch, which connected hard with her jaw.

She felt metallic taste in her mouth and knew her lips were bleeding. Lexa, however, didn't stop and threw another punch in Clarke's direction. The punch was about to connect with Clarke's skin when her hand came up to stop it. Then she twisted Lexa's arm, just like she had done hers, and put her free arm over Lexa's collarbone and whispered in Lexa's ear, making her shiver involuntarily, and the reason was not fear.

"You are dead Commander."

What happened next was very surprising for Clarke. One moment she was standing victorious and the next she was again on ground. The lethal Commander had elbowed her when Clarke was singing her victory 'song'. Clarke tried to move but failed to. Confused, she looked up. The Commander had pinned down both her arms on either side of her body and was straddling her waist; her face merely inches away from Clarke's. Those deep green eyes, a darker shade than usual, were shinning with victory and...mischief. Clarke struggled against the tight grip of the Commander and Lexa smirked.

"Don't gloat until you are finished with your enemy, Clarke. A little distraction and you are done." Lexa said, still not giving Clarke room to move but loosening her grip enough so that it wasn't painful for Clarke.

"If I had a dagger with me, you'd be dead Commander." Clarke said furiously.

"Even if you had a dagger, Clarke of the sky people, my elbow would've connected with your stomach faster than your dagger and you'd be still in the same position as you are now."

"Now, you are dead, Clarke." Lexa said, finally getting up and releasing Clarke.

Clarke remained dazed for a few seconds during which Lexa brushed the dirt off her pants. Finally Clarke sat up and groaned, "I feel dead, for sure."

"You did well for a sky person, Clarke." Lexa spoke emotionlessly; her mask back on.

"Yeah well, that's not good enough. Like you said, I need to be able to protect myself. My people count on me." Clarke sighed in frustration as she got up.

And just like that her mask was pulled off again, "Clarke, you are a leader. Your people make you strong. You will learn how to protect yourself soon enough."

Clarke nodded but didn't say anything.

"Now, let's hunt. Warriors need their strength."

Clarke followed Lexa as they left the clearing and got deeper into the woods. She knew she wouldn't get lost, as Lexa knew the forest very well. Soon, they spotted a deer. Lexa unsheathed her dagger and was ready to shoot when Clarke's boot stepped on a branch lying on the ground. The deer ran out, fearful, enabling it to dodge the dagger. Lexa quickly took out her other dagger but she didn't need to throw it as Clarke shot 3 bullets straight into the deer's flesh. Lexa looked shocked momentarily before quickly collecting herself and nodding in approval at Clarke. They returned to the clearing and, after roasting the deer's flesh, sat down to eat. Now that the training session was over, silence took over.

Clarke was too exhausted to think of small talk and Lexa seemed deep in thought. Clarke was nearly done eating when Lexa spoke up, "Clarke, why didn't you kill the mountain man?"

Clarke spoke in a strong voice, which ironically was what gave her away, as Lexa knew it was a mask to hide up the real matter.

"He was wearing a vest and thus the bullets could not pierce his skin."

"No Clarke, they could not. But you could have shot his head." Lexa insisted.

"He had knocked out my pistol with his bullets before he had approached me." Clarke said, looking at the ground and not meeting Lexa's eyes.

Lexa, however, stared at her without blinking, noting every movement.

"You are lying, Clarke." She finally said in a tired voice.

"What?" Clarke responded sharply.

"You could have shot him from a distance. I saw the shots you took today. The animal was moving and yet you managed to get all your three bullets hit the target."

Clarke stared at Lexa with her mouth hanging slightly open.

"Tell me Clarke, why did you not kill the mountain man? Why did you make yourself so vulnerable to him?" Lexa asked angrily.

The anger in Lexa's voice made Clarke collect herself and she moved close to Lexa and, gritting her teeth, spoke," I am not answerable to you, Commander. And stop acting like you care."

"I do care, Clarke. You know that." Lexa said, closing her eyes.

Clarke moved a few steps back from Lexa and said coldly," I no longer believe you, Commander, nor do I care. "

Lexa's eyes widened and pierced into Clarke's eyes, trying to check if she was lying. She wasn't.

"Anything else, Commander? Because I need to return to my people now." Clarke said, moving towards her horse.

"Yes, Clarke." Lexa said, exhaling a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Clarke didn't turn but waited for Lexa to continue.

"Why don't you call me by my name anymore? You always call me 'Commander' now." Lexa asked in a barely audible voice.

"Because Commander is only what you are to me now." Clarke replied, getting on her horse and galloping away.


	4. Chapter 4

LOST – CHAPTER 4

Lexa followed Clarke in utter silence on the way back. But, this didn't bother her. Much. The truth was – yes, it was clear to her that her relation with Clarke wasn't healing; it bothered her - she knew she deserved it. At least from Clarke's perspective, who gave a lot of value to emotions. Lexa didn't blame her; she was raised that way. Lexa, on the other hand, was raised in such a manner that feelings were to be the very last thing on her priority list. Or more specifically her feelings. She was raised a leader; always looking at the greater good. Always putting her people first. Even before herself.

And so the silent treatment of Clarke was not bothering her; she understood her. What was nagging Lexa was not knowing why Clarke hadn't killed the assassin. Why was she so ready to die? Why didn't she defend herself, now that Lexa knew she could.

They reached camp Jaha and Clarke went inside without exchanging any words with the young Commander. Lexa got off her horse and crossed the gate of camp Jaha. The guard had a confused look on his face but thought better not to show any resistance to the grounder Commander; after all she had come in with Clarke, their young leader. Their hero.

"Where can I find the one you call Bellamy?" Lexa asked the guard.

"Umm…he usually is with Clarke but as she just got back, he must be with his sister, probably training…" The guard spoke nervously as the grounder Commander was very intimidating.

"Lead me to him." Lexa ordered, a bit annoyed to hear who Clarke spends most of her time with, not bothering to consider that these people were not bound to obey her orders. The guard, however, did not object her command as he feared the grounder leader a lot. He had heard about how ruthless and dangerous she was.

The man had been right. Bellamy was indeed with his sister, having a fistfight. They both looked equally powerful, Lexa observed. She stopped to let them finish the match as she herself was enjoying it. But she didn't get to see who won as Octavia spotted her and said "Commander" in a very surprised tone. Bellamy turned around to face her too.

"Octavia, Bellamy." Lexa nodded.

"What do you want?" Octavia asked harshly.

Lexa ignored her and, looking at Bellamy, said, "Bellamy I need to speak to you."

"Why do you need to speak to him, you traitor? So you can kill him? I swear to god, if you even touch him…"

"Octavia, shush! It's alright, behave yourself." Octavia's big brother scolded her.

"Why should I? She deserves no respect. She betrayed us. Nearly got us all killed. Almost got you killed. She broke Clarke, you know that!" Octavia spat.

"That's enough O. We are in peace with them now. You stay here, I will be back in a moment."

Lexa watched the whole exchange with an expressionless face but rage was boiling inside her - how dared she speak to her like this. She was about to snap but 'she broke Clarke' brought her control back. She rightly deserved this. She focused her attention on Octavia to distract herself from the sinister feeling of guilt. She knew Octavia was a very impulsive creature but also very disobedient. She couldn't help but wonder how on earth Indra had made her behave properly and obey her all the time that she had been her second.

"Commander, please follow me to my tent. It will give us some privacy to speak." Bellamy said, moving forward and motioning for Lexa to follow.

Once they entered the tent, which according to Lexa was quite small, Bellamy asked,

"So how did the practice go? And I don't know how you convinced Clarke to agree with you but thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. I didn't do it for you. And you can ask Clarke about the training yourself. I am not here for that."

Bellamy, who hadn't communicated much with the Commander in the past, immediately noted her tone was all business-like and replied mimicking as such, "Yes?"

"What happened in Mount Weather?"

"We defeated them after Clarke finished off the Wallace bloodline."

Lexa nodded. "So I've been told. But there's more to it, isn't there? The few mountain men that are risking their lives for revenge must have some other motive. Fighting for a dead leader does no one any good. Even they must know that."

Bellamy asked her. "Why are you asking me all this?"

"It is important to me to know the details." Lexa gave the political answer, her lips tightly pressed together, forming a straight line. It was very new to her to be questioned about her motives.

"Like hell it is. You are helping Clarke for which I am thankful to you but I don't think this gives you the right to know everything."

"I am asking this for Clarke's sake not my own! I have no interest in hearing your heroic tales." Lexa spoke sharply.

"Clarke's sake? What does this have to do with Clarke?"

"You tell me."

Bellamy stared at the Commander, judging her sincerity. Her eyes gave nothing away but he told her what they did nonetheless, because she had said this was for Clarke's sake. He was ready to help Clarke in any way possible. He owed it to her. They all did. So he started speaking.

"Cage Wallace was with the ark prisoners supervising the bone marrow being drilled from their bodies. He had all his soldiers with him, protecting him. It was impossible to attack him. We were all trying to think of a plan when those butchers put Abby on the table. They had started drilling into her and you could see the pain Clarke was feeling on her face. Her mom's screams made her make the decision." Bellamy stopped talking, lost in his thoughts.

"What decision?" Lexa urged.

"We had found Dante Wallace on level 5 with other citizens. There was no way they would've let us have him. They outnumbered us. And so Clarke decided to irradiate the whole level. If we would have been even a little late, her mother would've been killed. All the people on the floor died but Dante had already been cured and so we managed to get him out alive."

"She shouldn't feel guilty for doing that. Hardly any of them were innocents. They sucked our people's blood from their bodies. Tortured them. Took away their lives."

Lexa spoke, still maintaining her composure; she was the Commander after all. It was hard for her to believe Clarke could feel sorry for them. It didn't make sense. Lexa remembered how angry Clarke was after the bomb was dropped on Ton DC. She wanted them all dead. She wanted revenge. While Lexa knew she hadn't meant what she had said at that time, she also couldn't believe how soft Clarke was. She had thought Clarke was stronger. How had she misjudged her?

Bellamy's voice brought her back to the present as he spoke, shaking her head, " She knows they were not innocents. She doesn't feel guilty for that. She is a farsighted person and knows what war brings - deaths. She was ready for that. But she could have never thought that she would have to murder innocent children to save her people."

Bellamy watched as understanding flickered in the Commander's eyes. Her face was, of course, blank, but this slightest flicker of emotion in the Commander's eyes made Bellamy certain that the Commander did in fact care for Clarke. She, however, did not offer any sympathies or words of comfort and rather asked," Is that all?"

Bellamy stared at the Commander, contemplating whether or not to say more. He must've found whatever he was looking for as he spoke,

"No. When we returned, Clarke left camp Jaha. She couldn't handle the pain. The pain that she felt every time she looked at our people. It reminded her of what she had done to get them back, so she left."

"You brought her back against her wishes?" Lexa asked, angry now. The sky people needed to learn to respect their leader.

"No, I didn't and I stopped anyone from going after her. She needed her space. She came back on the fourth day for her people. But..."

"But?" Lexa prompted.

"She has changed, Commander."

Lexa didn't need to hear anything further. She didn't want to know what Bellamy felt had changed in Clarke. She didn't care about his opinion.

"Thank you for giving me your time, Bellamy. It's good that Clarke has you." She said, though a bit grudgingly, and then nodded towards him as she left the tent.

Once she was outside, she looked to the sky; it had turned to a dark shade of blue. Evening had approached. She needed to be at her camp, but for some reason, she wanted to stay. Something was pulling her in. She knew what that thing or rather who that person was, but she ignored the urge and made her way out.

Clarke's POV:

Clarke was aching everywhere. Her limbs complained when she tried to move. She had bruises all over her body. She hadn't felt a lot of pain while training due to the adrenaline rush but now, it was all coming back. Blood was still dripping a bit from her lips but most had already clotted. She was so tired. She just wanted to sleep. She had barely closed her eyes when Bellamy's voice pried them open.

"I see you had a cheery day, Princess." He teased.

"Shut up, Bel. Let me sleep."

"Not like this." He said, moving towards where Clarke was lying and carefully placed her head on his lap. Then he extracted out a piece of cloth from his pocket and cleaned her face, being careful about her lips. His fingers lingered there a bit longer than necessary but Clarke was too exhausted to take notice. She had started falling asleep but yelped, startled, when Bellamy applied the alcohol dapped cloth on her lips.

"Sorry, princess. But you knew it would hurt."

"I didn't. I was nearly asleep." Then she realized that her head was on Bellamy's lap and quickly got up.

"You don't need to care for me, Bellamy. I will live."

"But I do, just like you did while I was gone."

"We were different then. Now we both have changed."

"Whatever you say, Sky princess. I'll let you go back to sleep."

"Thank you, Bellamy. I am glad to have a friend like you."

Bellamy just smiled.

"Rest now, I will fetch you dinner when it's ready. Then you can tell me how many times you beat that Commander's ass." Bellamy winked.

Clarke eye-rolled as Bellamy left the tent. The only two people who could make her smile were Bellamy and Lexa. No, not Lexa. Clarke tried to justify herself; Today was just...just such a day. She didn't know how to ride and was clueless when it came to physical combat. But how was that funny? She would've pondered more on why Lexa succeeded in making her smile but sleep overtook her.

Lexa's POV:

All through the way back to her camp, she had blocked her thoughts as she always did while travelling alone. She could not afford to be vulnerable. Once she reached her camp, she made her way to her tent and sat down on her cot. Immediately after, Indra entered.

"Heda."

"Yes Indra?"

"You have sent your guard back."

"Indeed I have." Lexa said, glaring; she was not to be questioned.

"Heda, don't you think it's safer if..."

"Shop of, Indra! Do not dare question me."

"Forgive me, Heda."

Lexa walked to her table and grabbed a glass of water to quench her thirst. She turned around to find Indra still in her tent. She inwardly sighed and asked, "What is bothering you, Indra? Speak."

"Commander, is it wise to train the skai prisa yourself? For all you know, she plans to kill you when you are vulnerable."

"I am never vulnerable, Indra, and the skai prisa can cause me no harm."

She already has, Indra thought.

"Do you plan on forming an alliance with the Skaikru?"

"I will see what is fit for us, Indra. This is not your worry."

Indra bowed and turned around to leave but Lexa stopped her, asking, "What has gotten you to ask me so many questions, Indra?"

Indra again pivoted around to face her Commander but didn't say anything, contemplating whether or not to voice her thoughts.

"You are allowed to speak freely, Indra." Lexa assured her.

"Heda, you are making yourself exposed unnecessarily because of that skai prisa. I fear that she is becoming your kwelnes(weakness)."

"She is not mine, Indra and she is anything but weakness. Do you question her strength even after she brought Mount Weather down?"

"No, heda. I know that the skai prisa is brave but I think you have lost what you shared with her and now you are wanting it back so desperately that you are throwing caution away when you are with her."

Lexa silently observed Indra. She had been her army chief since Lexa had first taken up commandership. Lexa did trust and respect her as well as her opinions. She knew that Indra was just looking out for her.

"I have been trained for commandership since I was a goufa(child). One person cannot make me throw all that away. It has been drilled in my bones."

"Yes, heda."

"Leave now." Lexa ordered.

Once she was gone, Lexa changed her top and allowed her thoughts in; the ones she had been blocking. She could not imagine what Clarke must be going through. She had been so adamant to save all the innocents when they were working together to form a plan to take down Mount Weather. She had wanted to save them all and she had been the one who had ended all their lives. Lexa did not blame her, she knew it was war and such things happened in war - Anya had taught her that. That was Lexa; she was known to be ruthless. She could control her emotions and look at the greater good all the time. But this was Clarke, someone who lived on feelings. Someone who cared too much. She understood her reason for leaving her people, but she did not understand her return only after a few days. Had she gotten over the deaths? Sentencing the children to death?

Obviously no, Lexa answered herself. Didn't Bellamy say that Clarke had changed? She hadn't needed to ask him about the change. She had observed it herself. Clarke was hiding herself from all the happiness, probably feeling like she didn't deserve it.

Clarke had started living on Lexa's principles - not caring. But this only worked for Lexa. Lexa did care though she was good at hiding it. So good that the only person who did manage to see through her façade had also failed to see it. And the irony was that Lexa had confessed herself that she cared. Clarke had stopped believing that Lexa cared and so, Clarke thought achieving not to care, not to feel, was possible. Lexa, on the other hand, knew that is was not. No matter how hard one tried to run from feelings, they would come back sooner and later.

And the later was usually more painful. That was what Clarke had been doing - not caring. But Lexa knew that feelings were Clarke's strength. Her care for her people was what brought Mount Weather down. Her feelings for the boy were what saved him from the torturous death assured by her traditions. Her caring nature was what saved the man in Ton DC. Her feelings were also the ones that saved Lexa from pauna. Suddenly, Lexa realized something that nearly jolted her from her place. Clarke not feeling was Clarke's weakness. While everyone thought that Clarke was strengthening as a leader, she, in reality, was crumbling. She was vulnerable with or without physical training. Lexa knew that, now that Clarke had stopped caring, the only emotion that she could feel was guilt.

So the next morning, when Lexa took Clarke for the training session, she was determined to make Clarke open up to her. Even if a bit. Clarke needed to care and Lexa had made it her mission to make that happen.


	5. Chapter 5

LOST – CHAPTER 5

Two days had passed and Lexa still couldn't find the opportunity to make Clarke talk to her. Their training had been all business. Clarke was improving gradually. Lexa was satisfied with Clarke's progress for a Sky person. These last two days, they had started training early in the morning and returned to their respective camps at evening time. Both had started training at the same time today as well.

"How is your arm?" Lexa asked after she had twisted it for the fourth time, though not making her fall on the ground this time.

"Hurts like a bitch. All thanks to you."

"Clarke, I am trying to help you. You are improving. Just focus on my movements and be ready for counterattack."

Clarke eye-rolled. "Why do I have to train with you again? I am sure if it was some warrior of yours, I would've pinned him down at least once by now."

"You are gaining confidence, good. But don't think my warriors are weak. They have all been training since the age of 8."

"Yeah, well. I am sure I have more chance at beating them than their Commander. But seriously, you are the Commander, you surely have other duties to attend to, why waste time with me?"

Lexa opened her mouth to answer but Clarke cut her off.

"And give me a rational answer. Nothing sentimental."

"I did not intend to give any sentimental answer to you, Clarke. I will answer you after the training. Now get up."

Clarke got up, her eyes furious. She threw her fist full force at Lexa. It happened so fast that the Commander barely blocked it. Then she attacked the Commander with her other fist, which was blocked too. Clarke had lost her temper and was very frustrated now. She kept on attacking, punch after punch, but Lexa remained patient and simply kept on blocking them. When the punches didn't work, Clarke tired to kick Lexa but Lexa dodged these attacks as well. Clarke went back to punching her.

"Clarke, try to surprise attack me otherwise I am just going to block...ahh."

Clarke had thrust a kick at Lexa's stomach while continuing with the jabs. This did take the Commander by surprise and she instinctively moved back. Clarke took advantage of the momentarily distraction of the Commander and placed her leg behind Lexa's as she was backing, then jerked it making Lexa fall on the ground. But not alone. Clarke wasn't fast enough to retract her leg and fell on Lexa. Her head ended up being pillowed on Lexa's chest and her limbs entangled with Lexa's.

Groaning, she looked up to find Lexa's deep green eyes staring at her, with a surprised look. Clarke could feel Lexa's heart pumping blood rapidly under her palm, just as she realized where her hand was. Face flushed, she tried to get up and away from Lexa but forgot about her leg being under Lexa's prop. She was about to fall on Lexa again when she found herself held midair, feeling fingers on her waist supporting her weight and involuntarily, she shivered. She looked down at the Commander, who was looking at Clarke's shoulder, not meeting her eyes.

This proximity of Clarke was affecting Lexa more than she could show. Her heart couldn't control itself in her presence. In this moment, it was particularly beating fast. She knew Clarke sensed it too when Lexa felt her palm pressed against the left side of her chest, directly above her heart. She didn't dare look Clarke in the eyes, as she feared Clarke would be able to read her emotions or worse, Lexa would act on her emotions. Clarke quickly untangled herself and sat up. Lexa slowly got up too, brushing her pants. Neither of them spoke during the process until Clarke recalled how they had ended up in that position.

"I knocked you down! I knocked the Commander down!" Clarke squealed happily.

Lexa opened her mouth to retort but stopped as she saw Clarke doing her awkward victory dance. This was the first time that Lexa had seen Clarke so cheerful since Mount Weather. Her lips slowly twitched as she watched the blonde dance around.

"You did indeed, but it would've been fruitless as you fell too." Lexa said, her voice again void of emotions.

Clarke stopped dancing at this but the smile stayed.

"I think it's time to start the second phase of your training."

The smile immediately wiped off her face and a worried look replaced it. Lexa inwardly laughed at the look.

It really was funny for her; Clarke the fearless leader, the one who had achieved so much with such a small group of people in such a small amount of time, was fearful of physical combats. Lexa's people were taught to fight since they were able to walk.

Lexa, not taking her eyes off Clarke, took a dagger from her pocket. Clarke's eyes widened at the sight of the dagger and Lexa couldn't help but allow a smirk to spread on her face.

"No Commander. I am done training."

"I will not hurt you, Clarke. I promise. Trust me, I know how to handle a dagger without stabbing my opponent."

Clarke just shook her head. "I know you do. But I don't. And you aren't even wearing your armour!"

"Are you going to say that at every phase of the training? Do you really think you can harm me? I thought I had already proven my point to you."

Clarke admitted, "Probably not. But even if I managed to only scratch you, Indra will have my head."

"You have nothing to worry about Indra or the others. No one defies me."

"Defies you? What command did you give them?"

Lexa ignored the question and handed the dagger to Clarke without another word.

"Now position yourself. Part your legs, pull the dagger back, extend the other arm. Now move the dagger in the air. Get comfortable with it."

Clarke did as she was told. The dagger was surprisingly light, which made it easier to move.

"Ready?"

"What exactly am I supposed to do?"

"You attack me." Lexa simply stated. She thought Clarke would object, like always, but was proud when she didn't and saw a determined look took her over.

Clarke charged at the Commander with the dagger and, as expected, was blocked easily. She tried to attack her legs but that too was unsuccessful, and the dagger was kicked 2 feet away from Clarke. Clarke retrieved the dagger and blindly attacked Lexa. The next thing she knew, she was being pulled into the Commander, who had impossibly quickly twirled her around with the dagger pointing at Clarke's throat. Clarke started struggling to somehow gain the upper hand but Lexa put an arm around Clarke's waist, pulling her closer towards herself and securing her hold on her. Her other arm was over Clarke's, over her collarbone. Lexa was amused to see how Clarke wouldn't stop struggling, even when she had so clearly lost.

"Clarke, there's no point. If I were to kill you, you would be long dead." Lexa stated.

Clarke shivered as she felt Lexa's breath on her neck. Heat had started to flow from that particular point to her whole body. Her struggles had automatically stopped as she leaned back, relishing at the contact without realizing what she was doing. But as soon as she stopped struggling, she was released. She was stunned for a moment, forgetting her bearings. Then Lexa broke the spell, "That's all for today, Clarke. We will continue tomorrow."

Clarke didn't know whether it was just her or not but the Commander's voice really sound strained, as if trying too hard to keep it emotionless. Whatever the case, Clarke dismissed the thought. She was still sweating from all the training and the sun was also shining very brightly.

"Not that I am objecting, Commander but it's hardly midday yet."

Lexa turned around and watched the blonde carefully, "Do you wish to train for more time?"

"I just want to finish this training as soon as possible. Be able to defend myself so that I can be able to breathe again without having to be followed around."

"It's all for your protection."

"I know but..." Clarke sighed. "You won't get it." Clarke said, kicking a stone.

Lexa remained silent. She wanted to know what Clarke meant but she didn't want to push her either. She had just achieved a bit of normalcy with the Sky leader and didn't want to jeopardize it.

"Well, your training sessions are longer but I need to visit Ton DC today and so you will have to excuse me. If you are willing to train then I am sure Octavia would help you."

"No, I can't. I can't train with my people." Clarke whispered, her throat tightening.

Lexa, who was staring intensely and unabashedly at Clarke, noticed the change in her demeanor. She had become all guarded again. It must be something to do with Mount Weather.

"Clarke you asked me why I am training with you in person."

"Yes."

"Do you know what my people think of you?"

"A useless person?" Clarke guessed.

"No. They have come to know how brave you are. You have proved yourself to everyone. The reason I am training you in person is because they fear that you are capable of posing us a threat. Posing a threat to the forces of the 12 clans. While you have earned respect of a large number of my people, nearly the same amount want this threat gone. And so I cannot trust any of them not to harm you, even if it means defying my orders."

"Just like Gustus, they want you protected." Clarke added and Lexa nodded slightly.

"And they want me dead." Clarke continued, her voice dry.

"They want the threat to their Commander gone." Lexa explained.

"What's the difference? All in all, they want me dead." Clarke snapped.

Lexa nodded, "But don't you see? You are the only one capable of defeating me. Even my people see it. Clarke, you are not weak, definitely not useless. You are the strongest person I know. Anyone can see that."

"Don't you think I know why your people think that? Don't you think I know how 'respect' among your people is earned? Don't you think I know why your people have all of a sudden started thinking that I am brave?" Clarke said heatedly.

"I do, Clarke." The patient voice of the Commander came, which further angered Clarke.

"And you thought knowing that your people feared me was going to make me feel better? What I did to earn their respect was my worst nightmare come true." Clarke burst out, tears threatening to spill out. She did not want to cry in front of Lexa so she turned around and started walking towards her horse.

"Clarke, stop. It's not your fault. You did what you had to do to save your people."

"I killed innocents. I killed the ones that helped us. I killed children who had no part in this. I killed the people who were just led by their leaders into this mess. I killed them all. I killed them in the blink of an eye."

Lexa remained impassive externally as she asked. "Tell me what else could you have done, Clarke?"

"I don't know! But something...anything to avoid this."

"If there was anything else that you could've done, you would've done it Clarke. And none of them were innocents. The ones that helped you and lost their lives were collateral damage. Besides, they knew what they were signing up for when they decided to help you. The rest that followed their leaders; they chose to follow them. Draining our people's blood and murdering them. There is always a choice. The children would have been no better, they would have followed their father's footsteps."

"I did not give them a chance to choose. To grow up. I killed them."

Clarke said, and finally started leaking silent tears. Lexa moved forward to comfort the broken girl but Clarke immediately moved back, as if even a little proximity with the Commander burned her.

"You don't have to blame yourself, Clarke. Please." Lexa begged.

"I do. Who else can I blame?"

Lexa whispered the answer, breaking eye contact and staring at the ground, "Me."

Clarke snorted, "Believe me, I tried that. But I did the same thing as you. I chose my people over my allies. The people who helped me, the girl who risked her life for us, I betrayed them all when I pulled down the lever. How can I blame you when I am the same as you?"

Lexa looked away at this. She could no longer fight with Clarke. Lexa shook her head as she heaved herself up on her horse. Clarke followed suit.

"How do you do it? How do you pass your days knowing all the lives you have taken and that you can never be forgiven?" Clarke asked disgustedly.

"You don't..."

"I have distanced myself from my people and I hope to completely stop caring soon, but it isn't getting any easier, Le...Commander." Clarke pleaded, her mask gone.

Lexa pretended not to have heard the amendment, not to be hurt by it.

"Clarke, you don't need their forgiveness. You need your forgiveness. And you live another day knowing that you have protected your people, their happiness, their prosperity, their freedom. You live on that. You live for your people. "

Clarke remained silent and after a few moments, she nodded. The Commander took it as a good sign and continued.

"Clarke, loving is your strength. Don't run away from that. Don't let guilt consume you."

"Whom should I love and care for? Everyone I cared about betrayed me at some point. My mother pretended to be a saint and let my best friend take the blame of my father's death when she herself was the cause of it. The boy I loved already had a girlfriend and didn't bother telling me. And then you...You know what you did."

Lexa took in a breath and said," It seems that you don't only need to forgive yourself, but others too."

"Are they sorry for what they did?" Clarke asked sharply.

Lexa looked away when she answered, "Clarke, I am the leader of my people. I can put no one above my people. However, if saying that I am sorry for what I did makes you feel better then I can do that."

Clarke smiled bitterly. "I wish I knew you in a world where you weren't the Commander."

Lexa eyed the girl carefully before she spoke, "Do you really?"

Clarke nodded but changed the topic. "You are going to Ton DC right now? I want to go there too."

"Have your people informed then. You can also bring your guards along on your way to..."

"I am going with you, Commander." Clarke smirked and brought out her walkie-talkie.

"Clarke here. Who's there?" She spoke in the machine.

"Hey Clarke, what's up?" Came the distorted voice.

"Raven, I am heading to Ton DC with the Commander."

"You are going to Ton DC with Lexa? Are you sure you don't want me to send Wick and Bellamy to you?"

"Relax Raven, I will be fine. Over and out."

"Over and out."

Clarke looked at the Commander who was eyeing the little device that Clarke had used, "There, done. Now we can go to Ton DC without my people worrying."

"How does this...communicator work, Clarke?"

"This," Clarke said, waving the walkie-talkie in mid air, "is a walkie-talkie. It uses radio waves to transfer the sound waves from one place to another. At least that's the general idea. You will have to ask Raven for the mechanics."

"It's quite useful." Lexa stated and Clarke nodded.

With that, Lexa commanded her horse to start moving with Clarke following her.

They reached Ton DC nearly 2 hours after. Both of them got off their horse and were greeted by Lexa's people. All of a sudden, Indra emerged from the crowd and quickly brought the Commander in the privacy of her tent, Clarke right behind Lexa.

"What do you have to say, Indra?"

"The Ice Queen is coming to Ton DC in a few hours."

"What?"Lexa snarled. Clarke had never seen Lexa lose temper and flinched at the tone. The Commander, however, paid no heed to it. She was blazing.

"Her messenger claimed that she is coming to show her support to the victims." Indra said disgustedly.

"Have the warriors alerted, Indra. And prepare for a feast."

"Yes, heda." Indra answered respectfully and left.

Clarke watched the exchange with a confused expression.

"Prepare warriors and a feast? Odd combination, Commander." Clarke said, hoping to get a response but Lexa ignored her.

"Aren't all your 12 clans in coalition with you? Don't they follow your command?"

"I only joined with the Ice clan because I had no choice. I did it for my people." Lexa said, her mask back on but her eyes had gone cold.

Clarke could feel Lexa closing herself up, and for some reason, she did not want this. So she tried to comfort Lexa and break through her walls.

"It must be hard for you after Costia, I know. But maybe they are not so bad. I mean, all of us thought you were savages after you had killed Finn but you turned out to be different than that."

"Clarke, stop. This is nothing like the situation you had suffered from." Lexa said, agitated.

Clarke tried again, "I know you must think that..."

"Please leave me, Clarke." Lexa spoke slowly in a controlled tone. Politely. Too politely.

"Listen to me, you need to remain calm and collected in front of their leader. You need to..."

"Do not tell me what I need or need not to do, Clarke of the Sky People. Leave me." Lexa replied menacingly.

Clarke sighed as she left the angry Commander. Once she was out, her eyes started looking for Indra. She found her standing with a few warriors. Clarke marched purposefully towards her.

"I need to speak with you, Indra."

"I am busy here, Clarke. I do not have time for you or your childishness."

"Indra, I need to speak to you about your Commander."

Indra glared at Clarke for about a whole minute before leaving her warriors and standing in a secluded corner, tapping her feet impatiently.

"Indra, what's wrong with Lexa?"

"The Ice nation is coming, what do you expect? We were at war with them before the alliance, you know that."

Clarke shook her head. "I know that, Indra. I was there the last time their Commander came here but, this time, it's different. Your indifferent Commander is behaving differently. Doesn't it concern you?"

"Do not dare speak against the Commander. She is a great Commander."

"I know, Indra. I do. But I am just looking out for her."

"Why?"

Clarke hesitated before answering Indra. "Because she is the only one keeping unity among your tribes. The one who is stopping them from attacking my people and starting another war."

"Is that the only reason?" Indra asked rather skeptically, making Clarke frown.

"Yes. What else could it be?" Clarke retorted defensively.

"Very well then. I am telling you this only because I know you Sky People do not shut up unless you are answered." Indra said distastefully. Clarke gladly took the insult in exchange for answers.

"The Ice Queen died in the attack of Ton DC, her second was called to replace her and she is the one who killed Heda's Costia."


	6. Chapter 6

LOST – CHAPTER 6

Clarke couldn't help but gasp at the knowledge. "What?" She asked, her voice dry. "Lexa didn't avenge Costia's death? I thought your tradition would..."

Indra ignored the interruption and continued. "The Ice nation agreed to join the coalition soon after Costia's death. One of the many clauses of the coalition is that the blood of the people of one clan is forbidden to the others. All the claims for blood before the coalition are to hold no significance after the formation of the coalition. "

Clarke stared at Indra, speechless. For once, Indra thought happily.

"You should leave now, Sky girl. The Ice Queen will be here soon." Indra said dismissively.

"They agreed to the coalition after Costia's death because they never thought that the Commander would agree." Clarke whispered, after her mind finally processed the information.

Indra nodded in confirmation.

"They underestimated the Commander. Lexa proved her commandership to everyone after she accepted the Ice clan in the coalition. Most of the clans agreed to join in the coalition soon after that and heda was shown hardly any resistance." Indra recalled proudly. Clarke just nodded her head in response. Silence followed them.

"You really should depart to your people now, Sky girl." Indra again spoke, breaking the silence.

"You want me to leave?"

"Does that come to you as a surprise? I think I was quite clear from the first day about what I want." Indra said wryly.

"Sucks to be you then, because I am staying." Clarke turned around to leave but Indra grabbed her arm and pulled, pivoting Clarke back to her place. Clarke looked at Indra, surprised and offended at the action.

"The Commander will not want you here, Clarke. She asked you to leave." Indra hissed.

"We both know that the Commander needs me to be there with her. She will not be able to handle this."

"You dare insult the Commander? Call her weak? She does not require your assistance, Sky girl! She is capable of fighting her demons alone." Indra had brought her dagger up, pointing at Clarke's throat.

"Stop with the empty threats, Indra. You know I am right. Otherwise, I wouldn't be standing here; you would've dumped me on some horse and kicked its ass. You wouldn't have told me about your history with the Ice nation if it wasn't important for me to know about it. It wasn't just to shut me up. You know Lexa will not be able to handle this torment. Tell me Indra, would you want to honor the one who murdered your love or have their head? Especially if they were standing right in front of you?"

Indra remained impassive but her eyes flashed some emotion. Maybe reminiscing the past, Clarke was not sure, as she couldn't read her as well as Lexa, but she knew she was moving in the right direction.

"She needs both of us, Indra. She needs your protection externally and mine internally. So please, let me stay and help."

"The Commander will not let you stay here once the Ice Queen arrives." Indra spoke in a resigned voice.

"Like hell, she won't. I am staying here. I cannot let your Commander break the coalition that has brought peace into this land because of her thirst of her past revenge."

Indra studied the girl in front of her intensely and at last gave her verdict. "Do what you have to do, Sky girl. I will not stop you as long as you don't hurt the Commander but if you as much as think about it, you will pay with your life. And I do not give empty threats. Make sure you don't make me prove it to you."

With that threat Indra was gone, leaving Clarke alone. She thought of checking up on Lexa but immediately dismissed the idea, as she knew what would be the result of it. Moving her feet, she made her way out of the tent and finally took in her surroundings. The village was being rebuilt fast, Clarke observed. The heavy machinery brought from Mount Weather was set at multiple places. However, her people were nowhere in sight, probably because Indra had sent them off. Her legs moved forward and she found grounders clearing up the debris and filling the crater that the missile had created.

She couldn't help but recall that day; the decision she had to make yet again to protect someone she cared for. Love is weakness, the mantra repeated itself in Clarke's head. She wanted to move forward and check out the structure that her people had started building when she saw Lexa emerge in the periphery of her vision. She knew if Lexa saw her, she would immediately send her off. And so she hid in Indra's tent, observing the Commander quietly from the little parting of the flaps of the tent.

The commander had her chin up, shoulders square and her face void of emotions but what gave her away, to Clarke, was her tight hold on the sword's hilt. It was like she was clinging to it for her dear life; her knuckles had gone white. This made Clarke realize how alone the Commander was. Just like Clarke, she had to put on a strong face for her people. Clarke, however, was fortunate enough to have people in her life who genuinely cared about her and wanted to help ease her worries. It was another matter why she just couldn't let them in - she cared for them but she knew that they would not be able to help or understand her. Lexa, on the other hand, was the grounder Commander. And for some annoying reason, the grounders considered their Commander as a robot who had no life of their own, no feelings of their own. Strangely enough, she felt sorry for Lexa, the one whom Clarke blamed for her worst nightmares. Some part of her had actually thought that she would enjoy the Commander's misery after what she had put Clarke through but that part was proven wrong.

Clarke saw Lexa ordering the warriors and moving around impatiently. Clarke finally got bored of observing the Commander and slumped on a chair in Indra's tent. She had to wait for nearly an hour, during which Indra thankfully didn't appear in her tent, before she heard the cries of 'Heda! Heda!'

Clarke immediately moved towards the entrance on the tent and looked outside. The tent was placed in an ideal location, Clarke noted. She literally had the view of the whole village. Of course. This was Indra's village. Clarke came to the conclusion after recalling what Indra had said in their first meeting. She had used the words my village and not our village. Clarke had lived with the grounders long enough to know that they meant each and every single thing they said. It was both a remarkable and unnerving quality.

Lexa moved forward, with Indra and one other warrior on either side of her, to greet the Ice Queen who was herself accompanied by only two guards. Lexa knew this wasn't to show that the Ice Queen trusted her and her people rather than to show power.

Power that the Queen was fierce enough to walk into a rather hostile territory with minimal protection. The Ice Queen reached the Commander and extended her arm to reach the Commander's in a grounder handshake. Lexa reciprocated the gesture with a blank look on her face.

"It's good to finally meet you, Lexa."

"Commander Lexa." Lexa corrected her in a cold tone.

"Ah, yes. You are the Commander now. Last time I had the pleasure of your company was when you were a young warrior, Anya's second. You had come with a friend of yours."

"To what do we owe this special visit of yours?" She asked, ignoring what the Ice Queen had said, though her palm was tightly clenched into a fist now.

"I wanted to see the place where my Commander breathed her last."

Lexa remained unaffected by her answer and didn't respond; with only her eyes commanding the Ice Queen to tell the real reason.

"And I thought it was time to officially meet the great Commander. You were looking for me some years ago, as I recall."

"Your memory serves you well, Avina. Though, you must thank the heavens that you weren't found." Lexa replied menacingly, her face betraying no emotions though her eyes were fierce.

Avina clenched her jaws as she said, "I wanted to discuss some of our trading policies with you, Commander. After all, the Mountain's down now."

Lexa nodded. "Follow me."

Lexa took Avina inside a cabin; the place where the sky workers rested. She did not want their conversation to be overheard and the cabin was more sound proof, as compared to the tents. As per the criteria, both leaders abandoned their guards outside before entering.

"Make sure no one of our people comes in." The Commander ordered Indra who was standing outside the door. Indra nodded.

"Why is there mountain men's equipment here?" The Ice Queen asked with a frown on her face.

"The Sky people are helping us rebuild Ton DC."

"The Sky people? Why? Didn't your alliance with them broke at the Mountain when you rescued our people? My representative only said that we had a peace treaty with them."

"They are offering help in exchange for something."

"So they do know trade."

Lexa nodded in answer. "What did you wish to discuss about?"

"Impatient, aren't we?" Avina mocked. She knew how hard this was for the Commander and was thoroughly enjoying torturing her.

"I do not have time for games, Avina. Speak and leave." Lexa said in a bored tone.

"Very well. I wish a change of route for dispatching goods to the Desert clan. There is no more fear of acid fog and the route through the Sea clan is much shorter and easier."

"All right, I will permit you that."

"Though you could have asked this through a messenger, so tell me what is the real problem?" The Commander continued.

Avina slowly spoke, "The Sea Clan's heda's daughter was your lover."

"And you killed her and therefore are not welcome there." Lexa said in a matter-of-factly tone.

The Ice Queen regretfully agreed. "Yes. I need you to..."

"Make them forgive you when I myself cannot?" Lexa said, her voice louder this time.

"I did what I had to do for my people."

"Do not say what you did was for your people, Avina. You did it only for your Queen who did not see me fit as Commander of all the clans."

"So be it. But I did only because of political reasons."

"Do you regret what you did?" Lexa asked, her voice finally quivering a bit.

"No." The new Ice Queen replied sharply.

"I agree with my dead Commander that you are too soft to be the Commander of the coalition."

"Don't mistake rational with soft. If I didn't have the responsibility of our people on my shoulders, you and I wouldn't be breathing in the same air today." Lexa said, moving dangerously close.

"You are weak. Just like that girl you loved. Did I ever tell you how amusing it was to torture her? She used to scream like a wild wolf. Her screams echoed for 3 whole days and still you couldn't save her. Should I tell you how she begged me to stop tearing her skin over and over? Stop breaking her bones? How she cried in pain after I burnt her flesh? Should I..."

"Shop op, Avina!" Lexa shouted; her vision had started to become blurry. She wanted to unsheathe her dagger and kill her there and then but her mind cautioned her against it. She knew another war would begin if she killed the murderer who was standing in front of her.

Avina took another step closer to Lexa as she finally broke Lexa's composure with the words, "You know what she kept on repeating? 'Lexa, Lexa', she thought you were going to save her."

Lexa was about to unsheathe her sword and remove Avina's head from her body when the door burst open and Clarke entered.

The abrupt entrance of the Sky leader was enough to bring Lexa back to her senses. She, however, was still angry, so she chose her words wisely to greet the Sky Princess.

"Clarke of the Sky people has graced us with her presence."

Clake's POV

Clarke stood some distance from the cabin and mentally debated whether or not to go in. After a while though, the loud voices of both leaders could be heard. She found her feet moving in the cabin's direction immediately.

"I have been ordered not to let anybody in, Sky Princess." Indra said sternly.

"You have been asked not to let any of your people in, Indra. You don't have orders to stop me." Clarke stated.

Indra miraculously produced a small smile on her face and let the Sky leader pass.

As soon as Clarke turned the doorknob and entered the little cabin, she could easily read the atmosphere of the room as hostile. The Ice Queen and Lexa were facing each other. The Ice Queen had her back on Clarke but Clarke could see the other leader. Lexa's normally impassive face was filled with rage. Her jaws were tightly clenched together and her eyes were on fire. Clarke noticed Lexa's hand releasing the tight grip of her sword's hilt as she welcomed her with the same words she had used before the war, which were a message Clarke easily interpreted. The Commander was surprised as well as angry at her presence. Clarke, on the other hand, thanked God for her timely arrival. She had connected the dots and knew why the Commander had such a strong hold on the hilt of the sword moments before Clarke had made her presence known.

Clarke opened her mouth to say something but the Ice Queen beat her.

"You are Clarke of the Sky people? The one who brought the Mountain down?" The Ice Queen asked, walking towards Clarke.

"Yes." Clarke stiffened, hearing about how the woman recognized her.

"You are a legend among our people but now that I see you I see that you are no warrior." The Queen accused after looking at her up and down.

"No but she is learning fast. And it does not change the fact that she is the one who brought down the Mountain." Lexa intervened, in a slightly threatening voice.

"And who is teaching her?"

"That's not of your concern, Avina. Now is there anything else you wished to say?"

"Clarke, I would like to know more about your people. Maybe we can mutually benefit by knowing each other better." Avina said, ignoring the Commander.

"You are most welcome Avina, once you sort out your disputes with the Commander. After all, in the past I made the alliance with her and now the peace treaty with her."

Avina clenched her jaws as she said, "Very well, Sky heda."

"I will see what I can do about your demand, Avina. A feast has been put up in the honor of the Ice nation's Queen. We should not keep our people waiting." Lexa said dismissively.

For the Ice nation's leader not for you was easily implied by the Commander.

Avina watched in complete surprise at how quickly the Commander had regained her composure. She just nodded at the Commander and left the cabin.

"What are you doing here, Clarke?" Lexa asked angrily.

"I thought I explained to you the usage of the word 'thank you'." Clarke said, moving closer to the disturbed Commander.

"I didn't ask for your help."

"But that doesn't mean you didn't need it." Clarke retorted.

"We should go to the feast or we will be missed." Lexa said, changing the topic.

Clarke nodded and started to move towards the door.

"Clarke, wait. About what you said to Avina. You are in no way bound to me. If you can benefit from Avina than by all means."

"I know, Commander. But who do you think will benefit me more; the Commander of 12 clans or the Commander of only 1 clan?" Lexa smiled a little in response and both of them made their way to the feast.

It wasn't as grand as the celebration Clarke had attended some weeks back at the grounder camp but it was good food nevertheless. While eating, Lexa observed the Ice Queen trying to converse with Clarke. She knew the reason all too well; Avina had finally found a potential ally who could help bring down Lexa. Truth be told, Lexa was capable enough to defend herself from any kind of attack but she wasn't sure she would be able to defend herself against the blonde if she decided to turn against her. But, she also knew that Clarke despised battles let alone wars so she knew that she would never side up with Avina. This brought a little content to her heart but watching Costia's killer alive and well, dinning with her was too much for Lexa. However, she did not want to give the Ice Queen the satisfaction of being able to affect her and kept sitting at her table with clenched fists.

Finally, the feast was over and Avina got ready to leave. Normally, Lexa would offer another leader to rest at her camp if night had descended on them but she obviously did no such thing for Avina. She remained stoic throughout the evening.

"Commander, we might have our differences but I would be obliged if you consider my request." Avina said, making her way to Lexa after finally accepting her defeat at provoking the Commander.

"Avina, I rule with my head and not my heart. I will talk to the Desert clan about your request but I will not force them to obey me."

"Didn't you say that you rule with your head?"

"And my head says it is not a something that needs to be necessarily obeyed." Lexa said sharply.

Avina reluctantly bowed and saying, "heda" rode off in the dark.

"I should leave too." Clarke said, emerging from behind her.

Lexa nodded and said, " As should I."

"I would advise you against it, heda. The Sky people's camp and our camp is downhill and it poured a little today which turned the ground slippery and chances are that it will rain later tonight as well so it will be very difficult to ride on horseback tonight." Indra spoke in Trigedasleng.

Clarke, who hadn't understood a word Indra had spoken, had mounted on her horse and was ready to ride. She frowned when she didn't see Lexa imitate her actions.

"Now what's the problem?" Clarke asked annoyed.

Lexa explained the situation to Clarke who reluctantly got off her horse.

"Heda, I am afraid that you and Sky Princess will have to share the same tent. The construction is still ongoing and we have hardly any tent suitable for Commanders." Indra spoke, this time in English.

Indra had asked Lexa but she remained silent, waiting for Clarke to answer. Clarke, seeing no other option, agreed.

Indra led them to a tent that was much larger than the tent Clarke had hidden in. The interior only had a wooden table, of the size of an office table, and a wooden chair. It had a basin of water placed on it. Two cots were placed parallel to each other with quite some distance between them. Indra asked if the Commander needed something else but Lexa declined and allowed Indra to retire for the night.

She turned around from Indra and found the blond-haired woman sitting cross-legged on a cot, having taken her jacked and boots off. Lexa knew she wanted to talk about today, the stupid tendency of Sky people to discuss each and every thing, she thought disapprovingly. Lexa ignored her presence as she got ready to sleep.

Clarke, on the other hand, watched her as she took off her cloak, her armour and then finally all her weapons. Clarke had never seen Lexa without her weapons on her; even during physical combat with her, Lexa always had her daggers on. Clarke couldn't help but note how young, vulnerable and less intimidating the Commander looked without all her accessories. She looked like a young girl and not like a young Commander.

Lexa kept on ignoring Clarke and made her way to her cot after blowing out all the candles.

"How are you?" Clarke asked in a voice full of concern as she finally broke the silence battle, accepting her defeat.

"I didn't go to a battle, Clarke. I am fine. You should sleep now."

"Why do you do that?" Clarke asked in a voice barely audible to Lexa.

"Do what?" Lexa asked.

"Push people away? Don't let anyone help you? Suffer alone?" Clarke asked with a desperation in her voice that surprised her.

Lexa remained silent for so long that Clarke thought she had fallen asleep.

"You know the answer Clarke. Because that's what you have been doing since Mount Weather." Lexa spoke just when Clarke had lost hope she would.

"I do it because no one would understand." Clarke said in a small voice. Clarke saw the whites of Lexa's eyes move up and down as she nodded.

"But, why do you push me away? When you know I understand?" Clarke asked, half resting on her elbow now and turning towards the other cot.

"You are asking a lot of questions today, Clarke of the Sky people. " Lexa said in a tired voice.

"But that is not the answer to my question."

"Tell me Clarke, why won't you let me in your mind? Let me help you? You also know I am the only one who would understand you."

"How can I? You betrayed me."

Lexa flinched at the answer but, keeping her voice steady, replied, "Then it is safe to say that we both have our reasons, Clarke."

Neither of them spoke a word and they only heard the drip drop of water falling on the ground. It had started raining.

"Clarke, what exactly do you blame me for?" Lexa spoke up again.

"Honestly, I don't blame you for anything now. I understand you. You always have to put your people first. I just...it was hard not to hate myself after all that I've done and I needed someone to share the blame, you were the easiest target. But you have shown me the other way now; of being happy when my people are happy. Living for them. Thank you."

"It's the least I could do." Lexa responded.

"Shoot!" Clarke exclaimed jumping off her bed and quickly lightning up the candle nearest to her.

Lexa raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"I forgot to inform camp Jaha that I have to stay here for the night." Clarke said, taking out the radio from her jacket's pocket.

"Clarke here. Raven?" Clarke spoke in the radio but got no response back. She tried again.

"Bel, you there?" Still no response. She tried once again before giving up.

"It must be because of the rain. The signals are being distorted." Clarke mumbled as she put the radio back in her pocket and blew off the candle.

Lexa simply nodded.

"Hey listen, if you want to talk to me about today, you can." Clarke offered gently after a while.

"Why would I want to talk to you about today?" Lexa asked rather sharply.

"Maybe because you let Costia's killer walk away unharmed when every fiber of your body wanted to rip her head off her body." Clarke tried to provoke her so she would speak her mind.

"Do not assume to know my mind, Clarke. This discussion is over."

"But..."

"Good night, Clarke of the Sky people."

"Good night, frustrating Commander."

The last thing Clarke heard before she finally gave in to sleep was Lexa's light chuckle. It was a very soothing sound was her last thought.

Clarke woke up in the middle of the night, as usual, but not because of a nightmare but rather because of nature's call. Nice change, Clarke groaned as she got off the bed and, rubbing her eyes, went outside to answer nature's call.

She returned, yawning, and was about to collapse back onto her cot when her eyes fell on one beside her. It was empty. Frowning, she moved towards the makeshift bed. Maybe the Commander fell off the cot? Even the thought of the Lexa falling from anywhere was funny. But obviously, that was not the case. And so Clarke made her way out of the tent in search of the Commander.

She was nowhere in sight so she moved her legs forward. The whole area was quiet, even the animals were sleeping. She had almost roamed the whole area but still hadn't found the Commander. Just when she was about to abandon the search, she heard someone panting heavily and the noises of someone chopping of wood accompanied it. Wait What? Were the workers still working?

Clarke slowly moved forward and the sight that greeted her nearly took her breath away. Lexa had a sword in her hand and was repeatedly attacking a large tree trunk. She had beads of sweat running down her forehead and her shirt was wet from perspiration due to which it was clinging to her body, giving Clarke an idea of the well-toned muscles underneath it. The moon was shining on Lexa's face and reflecting off Lexa's sword. She looked like an angry yet beautiful goddess. She looked terrifying and endearing at the same time.

Clarke couldn't help but let a small smile appear on her face watching the sight. However, as soon as Clarke observed the Commander's face with a little more attention, the smile immediately wiped itself off her face. Beads of sweat were not the only cause for the moisture on the Lexa's face. Those emerald coloured eyes had a transparent film over them, which would occasionally dissolve and form a line traveling down from her eyes, reaching her jaws and continue the journey farther down. The Commander was crying.

Clarke finally understood the matter; Lexa was trying to exhaust herself. She was trying to distract herself. She was running away from her mind. Clarke knew that well, as she had done it herself when she left Camp Jaha. She would swim for hours, jog around, draw and literally do each and every little thing she knew till her mind would decide to give up and shut up. However, Clarke also knew this was not a permanent solution. The Commander was just torturing herself and it pained Clarke to see this strong woman break down in the dark. Taking long strides, she made her way to Lexa. Lexa didn't turn, meaning she hadn't sensed another's presence; something that proved to Clarke that her mind was elsewhere.

"Commander, stop!" Clarke shouted.

But Lexa didn't. She didn't even seem to hear her.

Clarke knew she had to be careful because of the sword being swung right and left. As soon as the sword hit the wood and Lexa was about to pull it out, Clarke pounced on her, turning her around and slamming her against the tree adjacent to the one she was hitting.

Lexa struggled against Clarke but as Clarke had anticipated this, she was ready. She had tied both her arms on the trunk by her own and had pressed her thighs tightly against Lexa's, disabling her from using her legs too. Clarke finally looked into Lexa's eyes and found them to be wild and unrecognizing. There was a storm in them.

"Shhh, Commander. Calm down, it's Clarke."

Lexa did calm a bit after hearing her voice but her eyes still remained unfocused and faraway.

"Commander, please." Clarke pleaded pressing, her body a bit more into the other girl's to gain her attention.

"Lexa, don't do this to yourself. Please, Lexa." The Commander's name from Clarke's mouth seemed to have done the trick. Clarke felt Lexa take a sharp breath in and the cloudiness of her eyes dissolved, bringing out the clear green ones.

"Clarke?" Lexa questioned in a broken voice.

Clarke instinctively wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck placing her head on her shoulder.

"Lexa, I am here. I am here." Clarke murmured as Lexa slowly slipped down the trunk and landed on the ground.

Clarke kept hugging her awkwardly as Lexa folded her legs around herself. Finally Lexa started speaking incoherently, "Clar…Clarke...she was...she...was in so m...much pain. She...thought ...I would save her. I ...could have...if I...if I tried. She..."

"No, Lexa. You did the right thing. You saved so many lives, Lexa. Besides, you would have never been able to save her. They would've killed her as well as you." Clarke reasoned, now sitting beside her.

"She was killed because of me! If I had not loved her, if I had..."

"It is not your fault, Lexa. It is not. It is only the Ice nation's."

"Clarke, I left her murderer alive. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to torture her just like she had tortured Costia. I wanted her to beg for her life and then kill her. "

"I know it is hard, Lexa. I know. But remember all the lives at stake. All those people who look up to you, who love you. Your people, Lexa. "

"I have so many people yet I am so alone. I miss Costia, Clarke. I miss her." Lexa confessed. It seemed that Lexa was not only failing, but not even trying to put her mask up.

"Costia would want you to forgive yourself, she would want you to be happy."

Lexa stared at Clarke for what seemed like an eternity before finally nodding.

"And Lexa, you are not alone. You have me."

"You hate me, Clarke." Lexa said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"I do not, Lexa. I cannot." Clarke whispered the last part.

"Why?"

"Because I know you. I know what you did was not what you wanted to do. I forgive you, Lexa."

Lexa's eyes widened in disbelief before a small smile appeared on her face.

"I think we should go to bed now, Commander."

Lexa nodded and followed Clarke towards the tent they shared.

Clarke watched Lexa until she finally fell asleep. Only then the blonde was able to close her eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

LOST – CHAPTER 7

READ IT CAREFULLY AND WHEN YOU HAVE TIME AS THIS IS LONG AND REQUIRES ATTENTION.

Lexa woke up in the morning as soon as the birds started chirping. She got off her bed and put on her armor. After dressing, she turned around to wake up the other being who had shared her tent last night. Smiling slightly, she couldn't help but enjoy watching Clarke's sleeping form in the narrow beam of sunlight that fell through the slit of the tent's flaps. Most of her pelts had fallen on the floor and only a small portion was covering her. Lexa also couldn't help but let her eyes roam freely around Clarke's figure. Her shirt had slightly ridden up her body, and Lexa found herself admiring the way her jeans hugged her hips and stretched tightly over her small waist. Even as she lay on her back, Lexa could see the cut of her breasts through her shirt, which was wound around her torso as if it were part of her skin. By the time her eyes made their way to the woman's face, desire was surging through Lexa's body. The beautiful gold locks were blocking her view, which really was the reason she thought Clarke was asleep. Because she wasn't. She was watching the Commander ogle her with a red face. Lexa's fingers automatically moved to remove the golden locks that covered Clarke's face. Clarke could take it no more and, before Lexa's fingers could make contact with her skin, she spoke up,

"Quit staring, Commander." She said, removing herself the hair from her face and turning around to look at the Commander.

Lexa's eyes widened comically and she immediately retracted her hands. The Commander, who had never blushed, was the colour of tomatoes. Clarke propelled her body up on the bed, which made Lexa's eyes rest on her bosom. As Clarke's shirt was tightly clinging to her torso, Lexa could easily mark out the outlines of her breast. Her mouth had gone dry and she had lost all of her senses. Clarke was amused by the sight and whispered huskily,

"My eyes are up here, Lexa."

A shudder ran through Lexa's body, hearing the blond beauty call her name, and her breath hitched. Finally her eyes made contact with Clarke's, making Clarke's stomach tie into knots. Those emerald eyes were unveiled at the moment, and Lexa probably hadn't realized it. Clarke hungrily read all the information they were offering. Those jade eyes were replete with love, sacred passion and a phantom repentance of the wrongs in Clarke's life. Clarke found the penance she so desperately wanted was there in those enchanting eyes.

"Lexa..." Clarke started to whisper and Lexa was jolted back to her senses, instantly pulling back from Clarke. She wasn't aware of when she had moved closer to the blonde's cot, closer to her face. Clarke watched hopelessly as emerald eyes concealed love, passion, fire and became stoic once again.

Clearing her throat, Lexa said, "I wasn't staring Clarke. I was about to wake you up."

"You took your time then." Clarke mumbled. Lexa must have heard her as her face turned into a faint shade of pink.

"We need to leave Ton DC early, Clarke. I have a meeting with my generals at my camp this afternoon."

"You do. I don't." Clarke said, yawning.

"I thought you should have company on your way to your camp and I was going right now but you can of course stay here as long as you want. I will have Indra accompany you whenever you decide to come."

"Indra?" Clarke asked horrified and earned a twitch of lips from the Commander.

"I gather you don't like her very much. You can call one of your people to escort you back safely but please do not travel alone. Those few mountain men are thirsty for your blood." Lexa said in a displeased tone.

"When will you be returning?" Clarke asked, ignoring Lexa's proposition.

"To Ton DC?"

Clarke nodded.

"Not today. I have observed the progress here and I think it won't take more than 3 months with your people's help to have the city back to its previous glory, so maybe after a week's time."

"Well then, I guess I will have to leave with you right now."

"Your people..."

"No. I do not want to go around ordering my friends unnecessarily. Besides, if I stay here I will have Indra breathing on my back all the time and it won't be very pleasant."

"I am sorry Clarke, but I cannot ask Indra to leave your side if you stay here because she is the only one I can trust with your life." Lexa whispered the last part, closing her eyes.

"Hey. I am not dying anytime soon. Don't worry." Clarke said softly, taking a few steps towards the Commander and running her thumb along her jaw lightly, soothing her.

"You do not know that, Clarke. I cannot risk it." Lexa said, moving back to avoid the physical contact. She couldn't stand too close to Clarke without fearing of doing something reckless and it terrified the Commander.

"Alright then. I am coming with you. "

"I can order Indra not to bother you, Clarke."

"I am coming with you, Commander." Clarke said with finality in her voice.

"Very well, then. Get ready and I will bring breakfast." Lexa said, leaving the tent.

Clarke got up, brushed her hair with her fingers and then tied them in her usual style. Then She put on her jacket and washed her face with the water placed in a bucket. The water was cold and took all the traces of sleep from her eyes. She turned around to find Lexa back in the tent, standing by her table.

"What the...? When did you come back? You scared me!" Clarke exclaimed.

"My apologies, Clarke of the Sky people. I just came in while you were washing your face. Now, please share food with me to break your fast."

Clarke nodded and made her way to the table. The breakfast looked simple - apple, milk and bread. They both ate in silence lost in their own thoughts. Finally Lexa spoke up,

"Clarke, I am sorry for last night. I wasn't myself." Lexa didn't meet Clarke's eyes when she said this. She was too ashamed of her behaviour.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Commander. Unlike you and your people's beliefs, I know that you are human too."

"Metaphorically speaking." Clarke quickly said as Lexa raised her eyebrows. "Being human means being imperfect, falling apart once in a while and then collecting yourself. Being human means to be greedy, to be hateful, to have lust, to have guilt, to have regrets but if you feel guilty for being human, then you're just tormenting yourself unnecessarily and uselessly. It's a torment that will consume you and your soul."

"I cannot let anyone see my weakness, Clarke."

"I know that. But I am not anyone, Lexa. You can be weak with me."

"What are you Clarke?" Lexa asked sharply.

"I...I am someone who understands you. I am someone with whom you can be Lexa, not the Commander. I am someone who needs you just like you need me. I am someone I don't want you to hide from."

"Thank you, Clarke." Lexa said softly and Clarke nodded.

Silence again greeted them but it did not last long this time.

"Did you mean it, Clarke?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you...did you forgive me?" Lexa asked in such a low voice that even Clarke, who was sitting opposite to Lexa with only mere inches separating them, barely made it out. Clarke looked at Lexa's eyes and found them desperate, pleading and...scared.

"I wouldn't have said such thing if I didn't mean it, Lexa. But tell me, you said you didn't think you had done anything wrong then why would you care whether I forgave you or not?"

"I did not do anything wrong as a leader, Clarke. But as a person, I did. And I didn't know I needed your forgiveness until you said you forgave me. It felt like a burden had been lifted off me. A burden that I didn't even realize I had and once it was gone, I could breathe again. I could see clearly again. I could see you, Clarke. "

Clarke smiled and put a hand on Lexa's. She was pleased to see that Lexa didn't back away from the touch.

"You do know why the Ice Queen was really here, right Lexa?"

"Of course. She wanted me to attack her, maybe even kill her so the coalition would break."

"Actually, I think her version would have been to attack you and kill you so the coalition would break."

Lexa snorted. "She would never have been able to defeat me."

"The point being, she wanted the coalition to break. Why?"

"Because I am the Commander, and her nation is blamed for Costia's death. The Ice nation has lost respect among other clans."

"They all want the Commander's favour, and hence have a cold shoulder towards the Ice nation." Clarke deduced out loud.

Lexa nodded.

"Lexa, I am proud that you did not give in to your emotions. You did not let emotions cloud your judgment, even there."

"Barely. If you hadn't walked in at the right moment, I would have executed her for what she took from me." Lexa confessed.

"You could have struck her even with me there. You know I couldn't have stopped you. Physically at least."

"I know. But when you are around... I feel protective of you." Lexa said, gulping. "I could not let you in harm's way Clarke." Lexa further confessed.

Clarke opened her mouth to respond but Indra came in at that exact moment and said, "Both of your horses are ready, Heda, Sky Princess."

Hearing her voice, both the two leaders jolted back to their seats. Somewhere during the conversation, both of them had started to lean towards one another.

Lexa cleared her throat and said, "Very well, Indra. We will be riding shortly."

Lexa turned to Clarke and Clarke observed that the stoic Commander face was back on as Lexa spoke to her. "Come Clarke."

Their journey back to camp Jaha was uneventful. Clarke wanted to chat with Lexa. After all, this was the first time Lexa had been so open with Clarke but the noise of the horses' hooves made it impossible for her. Once they arrived at camp Jaha's gate, Clarke got off her horse and turned around to look at the Commander.

"Lexa, I was hoping you could come here tonight. My mom and the rest of the council actually wanted to discuss some matters with you."

"My generals will leave by nightfall and after that I will make way to your camp, Clarke."

"Thank you. I will see you then."

Lexa nodded, turned her horse around and left.

Clarke went inside her camp to find it busting with life. It brought a smile on her face to see her people happy, laughing and enjoying life. This was her happiness. Her back was aching after the ride and she walked to her room to lie down for a while. As soon as she got in her room, she was slammed against the wall.

"What is wrong with you, Clarke? Damn it." Someone shouted and she felt her arms being held tightly by the one who had slammed her against the wall.

Clarke looked up to find Bellamy standing in front of her, fuming.

"Bellamy, leave her!" She heard Raven say.

"NO." He growled.

"What's wrong with you? I said leave her."

"Bellamy, please." Clarke whispered.

Bellamy finally let her free, his chest heaving.

"Bellamy, you should go out for some time." Came Octavia's voice.

"I am fine, O." Bellamy said irritated.

"Bel, go!"

Bellamy huffed and then left the room, angrily slamming the door.

"What's wrong with him?" Clarke asked, finally leaving the spot she had been pinned on, and sat on her bed.

"Wrong with him? Clarke you are the one who was missing for an entire night and came back midday." Raven said.

"I told you, I was in Ton DC."

"Yes, but you didn't say you were staying there for the night. We were all worried about you, after all you were with Lexa." Raven said.

"Lexa wouldn't have harmed me, trust me."

"We do trust you but not her, Clarke." Octavia said slowly.

"I understand your reservations, but I trust her now."

"Why? Did you forget what she did? She left us all to die at the mountain, Clarke. She didn't even look back!" Octavia said angrily.

"She did what she had to do for her people! It was not an easy choice for her!" Clarke said, her voice rising.

"Are you actually defending her?" Octavia asked, disbelief in her voice.

"Oct..."

"Guys, guys, guys, stop! Why are we even having this discussion? Clarke, we were just worried about you."

Clarke audibly sighed. "I am sorry. I just...I don't know what got over me. I tried to contact you guys last night but there was some problem with the signals."

"I told this probable reason to the Blake siblings and your mom too but they wouldn't listen to me."

"Mom! Shit! I need to see her."

"You better do. She was preparing a searching team last I saw her." Octavia said in a rather amused tone.

"And you didn't think it was important to tell me!" Clarke shrieked as she made her way out.

She didn't have to look around for her mom as she was making her way towards Clarke already.

"Mom, I am..."

She couldn't complete her sentence as her mom engulfed her in a hug.

"Clarke baby, you are alright." Abby said in Clarke's hair.

"Yes mom, I am alright. I am sorry I worried you. I tried to contact you but the rain..."

"Shh. It's okay. I don't blame you. I've made peace with the fact that my protection is no longer going to be enough for you. I can't keep you safe from everything out there. I know you are no longer a child, as hard as it was for me to believe it. I am just happy that you are all right. I don't need the details. I trust you." Abby said, removing herself from the hug but keeping an arm around Clarke.

"I love you mom." Clarke whispered.

"I love you too baby."

"Come let's sit and talk." Abby gestured her daughter to the seats placed near them.

"How's the progress in Ton DC?"

"The work's ongoing. I don't exactly know how long it will take but Lexa said less than 3 months."

"That's good."

Clarke hummed.

"Clarke, I understand why you did what you did at Ton DC. I don't blame you for those deaths. I just wish you didn't have to bear such a burden."

"We've been over this, mom. I am grateful for your understanding but I've also learnt that we can't change our destiny. We can't run or hide from it. You know I tried it. Tried it and failed." Clarke said bitterly.

"I can't help but think you were born for this, Clarke."

Clarke smiled and said, "Lexa once said the exact same thing."

"She is a wise leader, Clarke. Heartless but wise."

"She is not really heartless, mom. She just has a harsh past."

"Don't we all?"

"We have one another to care for, mom. She's all alone."

Abby remained silent, observing her daughter.

"You have become close to her." Abby stated, not needing any confirmation.

Clarke, however, nodded.

"Clarke, I trust you. I do. But I need you to be careful."

"I was careful in the past, and look where it got me." Clarke whispered, closing her eyes.

"Clar-"

"Dr. Griffin, you are needed in the infirmary." Came a voice from behind them.

"I was about to leave. Thank you for informing me, Bellamy." Abby said, smiling, as she turned around to answer the messenger. Bellamy nodded.

"Clarke, we will talk later. You should rest. You will be needed at the meeting tonight." Abby said, kissing her daughter's forehead.

"Oh and did you request the Commander's presence?"

"She will be here at dusk but mom, what is the meeting about?" Clarke asked.

"I need to go now. Bellamy will fill you in, won't you Bellamy?" With that she was gone.

Awkward silence greeted her departure. Finally, Clarke turned around to face Bellamy.

"So let me just get this over with, the council needs to discuss trading of food in exchange of our technology – walkie-talkies, digital watches, cameras and other things. We need more food for winter. Our genetic engineers have yet to work on genetically engineering earth food." Bellamy said in a businesslike manner.

"How can we ask them that? We just have a peace treaty with them." Clarke inquired, surprised.

"By forming an alliance with them." Bellamy said simply.

"The council agreed to form an alliance with the grounders?" Clarke asked in disbelief.

"Not all of them agree. But once you agree, everyone will."

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked, frowning.

"You really don't know what you mean to us, do you princess?"

Clarke broke eye contact with Bellamy and stared at the ground.

"The council is just a formality now. Everybody trusts your judgment. They know you will do what is best for our people. They believe in you. What you are to our people is like what the Commander is to the grounders; you are the Commander of the Sky people, Clarke."

"Oh." This was all Clarke could say.

"Now that you've been filled in, I will leave you to your thoughts and join the hunting party to get some food for the week." Bellamy said formally.

"Bellamy wait! I am..." Clarke started.

"It's okay, Clarke. I got to know what happened." Bellamy said coldly and left before Clarke could say anything else.

Clarke stared at his retreating form and frowned. She didn't really understand his deal. If this had happened two years ago, when they had landed on Earth, it wouldn't have bothered her at all. She didn't care for him at that time. But now Clarke really did care for him like family; the 100 were her family. The Arkers were her people but the 100, which now had reduced to 47, were her family and so Bellamy's anger bothered Clarke but she knew better than to approach him just yet. She knew how he functioned; he needed time to clear his head. Clear whatever was bothering him and Clarke was ready to give him his time and space.

Sighing, she turned around to find Raven sitting where previously her mom had been.

"So princess, tell me, why aren't you training with the hot but scary grounder Commander today?"

Clarke laughed at the description of the Lexa and replied, "She is the Commander, Raven. She has other things to do too. Today she has some meeting with her generals."

"I wonder what it must feel like to be surrounded by so many people all the time, to be able to command them anytime of the day and know they will obey you." Raven said in awe.

"It must feel alone." Clarke said.

"Lexa is not alone. She has a whole army with her Clarke." Raven said as if stating the obvious.

"The Commander is not alone. Lexa is." Clarke simply said.

"You think there are two different sides to the indifferent Commander?"

"I know there are, Raven."

Raven didn't argue with her friend so instead asked, "You have forgiven her, Clarke?"

Clarke nodded. Both remained silent after this. Clarke knew her people would need a lot of time before they started trusting the Grounder Commander again. Clarke trusted Lexa with her life but not her people's. She understood that they were leaders and their people would come before anything.

"Raven, how did the council agree to form an alliance with the Commander? I mean, I know we need it for surviving winters but...the council is hardly known to think unemotionally and rationally. "

"You have Bellamy to thank for that. That particular council member of yours thinks like you. He apparently thinks what the Commander did at Mount Weather shouldn't be taken against her and that she did what any leader would have done for their people."

"Bellamy proposed the alliance?" Clarke guessed.

"Yes, Sherlock."

"But didn't he hate grounders?"

"I am sure he still does but he loves his people more than he hates them." Raven said in softly. "But he really did freak out when you didn't return from Ton DC last night. He was ready to go and get you even in the rain." Raven eye-rolled.

"Raven, this is what I meant by Lexa being alone. We have friends and family who love us, who are ready to share our burdens, who are ready to die for us because of how much they care for us. She has warriors who obey her out of duty, who would die for her because of her rank, because of her importance. They protect her so she can protect them and their families in return."

"She really is alone." Raven whispered and Clarke nodded.

"Enough of this depressive talk. I have to tell you something about Wick..."

"Oh My God! He asked you out, didn't he?" Clarke said excitedly.

"He did, after we slept together." Raven winked.

"You slept and then decided to get together?" Clarke said a bit disgustedly.

"Hey! Stop with the judgmental tone. We were going to war and we weren't really sure that we'd get to see another day. Plus, he is hot." Raven said, playfully smacking Clarke's arm.

"He is. I am happy for you, Raven." Clarke smiled at her friend.

"Thank you, Clarke. I am too, it was really hard to let anyone in after Finn but Wick makes me happy and I've learnt from my time on this pain-in-the-ass planet that we should treasure what we have today rather than lament of what we lost in the past."

"Sometimes pleasure is too hard to attain and pain too easy." Clarke said, sighing.

"Clarke, if anyone deserves happiness after all that we've been through, it's you. Allow yourself to be happy. Let your heart feel again." Raven said gently.

"Raven, I am scared. I'm scared that if I let myself be happy even for a moment, then my world's going to come crashing down again and I don't know if I'll be able to survive that." Clarke admitted.

"You like Lexa, don't you? She is your happiness?" Raven deduced but still asked for confirmation.

Clarke slowly nodded.

"Clarke, your reasons aren't reasons. They are excuses. You are just punishing yourself for what happened at Mount Weather. You are allowed to be happy even if it's the scary Commander who brings happiness god knows how to you. But you are allowed to be happy."

"How do I even know this is real, Raven? What if this is just an after-effect of Mount Weather? Maybe I only like her because she somewhat understands me."

"Clarke, Clarke, you are stronger than that. Your judgment is better than that. We all know that and this is reality. All this is reality."

"Thank you, Raven."

"Do remember to mention this to batwoman when you finally kiss her and maybe do some more stuff." Raven winked.

"Shut up. And batwoman?" Clarke said, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh yeah, that's what she looks like in her war paint."

"I will remember to mention this too." Clarke teased.

"Don't you dare, Clarke Griffin!" Raven said, her eyes widening and smacking Clarke's arm repeatedly.

"Okay, okay. Chill."

"Guys, the hunting party is back! Come fill your bellies." Octavia shouted at their direction.

"Coming, Pocahontas!"

"You have names for everyone?" Clarke asked, shaking her head.

"Yes, Princess. And let me tell you what's common between all of them."

"They all are weird?"

"No, they are fitting and all their owners hate them."

Clarke eye-rolled and dragged Raven with her to have some food.

"The Commander's here, Clarke. You've been called to the meeting room." Octavia informed Clarke 3 hours after her conversation with Raven.

"Thank you, Octavia." She said and walked to the meeting room, a little nervous as she thought about meeting the Commander. It was weird but even after all this time, Clarke felt a bit nervous around the Commander. She had learnt to mask her nervousness to others but that didn't mean she didn't feel it. Taking a deep breath, she opened the room's door and entered.

All the council members were seated around the table, waiting for her. Lexa was seated at the end of the table with Ryder standing behind. The chair opposite to her, the other head of the table, was empty for Clarke.

"Commander." Clarke said formally and nodded at her.

"Clarke of the Sky people." The same formal greeting gesture was reciprocated by Lexa.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting for long."

"No. I arrived here just a few moments ago."

Kane cleared his throat and proposed the idea before the grounder Commander. Lexa listened patiently, but hardly ever did her eyes leave Clarke's.

"You are ready for the alliance, Clarke?"

"My people need it and your people can also benefit from it so I see no reason to discourage it."

"Very well. You will be provided with food during winters in exchange for your technology. Anything else you want to address?"

"Yes. I know that we will become allies Commander, but our people still are not comfortable with yours. Especially after Mount Weather. So I am hoping that you could keep your scouts away from our area." Abby spoke up.

"They will be placed for your protection." Lexa said.

"We can protect ourselves, Commander." Abby argued.

"With your weapons? They become useless after sometime, no?" Lexa taunted.

Kane slammed her fist on the table and spoke angrily "Don't you-"

"You can place your scouts around here if it makes you comfortable, Commander. We will allow it as long as our soldiers will be allowed on your side." Bellamy spoke for the first time and silence followed it.

"Fair enough. Your soldiers will be allowed on our side as well but I doubt they will be comfortable. You can take them back anytime." The Commander said coolly.

"That's for us to decide, Commander." Clarke spoke.

Lexa nodded and said, "Anything else?"

"No. Thank you for your time."

One by one they all left the meeting room. Before leaving, Lexa gave Clarke a look, which clearly meant she wanted to talk to her in private. Clarke nodded and was about to follow her when Bellamy spoke up, "Clarke, can you come with me for a little while? I need to talk to you."

His tone was serious so Clarke agreed.

Bellamy took her to the apartment that had been allotted to him; it wasn't very far from Clarke's, just two doors away.

Bellamy turned around and looked a bit tensed.

"Hey. What's up? You've been quiet lately and I've missed you." Clarke spoke up.

"I missed you too, Clarke." He confessed.

"I am sorry about Ton DC, Bel. I should've informed you first thing in the morning. It just slipped out of my mind."

Bellamy nodded then took a step towards Clarke.

"Clarke, I was so worried about you. I shouldn't have been, as I know you can manage things on your own, but Clarke, I just couldn't stop worrying about you. I…I think I haven fallen for you."

With that, he crashed his lips on Clarke's rather aggressively and pushed her back to the wall.

Clarke was frozen for a while and let him kiss her. He, on the other hand, took it as a positive sign and increased the intensity of the kiss, which brought Clarke back to her senses. She immediately pushed him back and said, "Bellamy, I love you, I do..." Bellamy smiled, hearing her say this and opened his mouth but Clarke wasn't done.

"But I love you like a friend, like family, maybe like a brother. But not...I am not in love with you." Clarke cleared.

"If you need time, then you can have it Clarke. I can wait." Bellamy said hopefully.

"It's not about time, Bellamy. I have fallen for someone else." Clarke whispered the last part.

"Who?" Bellamy said enraged.

"It doesn't matter, Bel. Please say that this doesn't affect our friendship. I can't lose you Bellamy, please."

"You don't have to worry about that, Clarke. Because you have already lost me." Bellamy angrily moved past Clarke and left, leaving a very stunned Clarke in his room.

Bellamy's POV:

He couldn't believe she could do this to him. She had done this to him. It was him who had stuck with her when everyone had left her. He was the one who helped her through everything. He was the one who was willing to share her burden. He was the one who never left her side. He was the one who changed himself because of her. And yet, here she was telling him she had chosen someone else over him.

Bellamy was angry, so very angry. He wanted to bring the world down in his anger. But he wouldn't break down in Camp Jaha, where Clarke could find him. Where she could see his breakdown. No, he would not allow her. And so he ran out of Camp Jaha. The guard tried to ask him where he was going, but he glared at him angrily and his body language spoke 'better not to question me right now'.

Bellamy ran blindly into the forest. He tripped over a stone and got up muttering curses. Then, he blindly emptied all the bullets of his gun into the air. He was sure he was far enough from Camp Jaha that no one would hear the bullets. Then he stood up in anger and started punching the nearest tree not caring about the pain he felt after each blow. In fact, he was welcoming the pain.

Lexa's POV

Lexa was sure Clarke had understood her message but she hadn't sought her out yet. She could feel Ryder's questioning eyes on her but she ignored him and he had no place to question her. Eventually, Lexa got tired of waiting, ordered Ryder to stay and went out looking for Clarke. She was dismayed to see such minimal security at the living quarters of the Sky people. Most doors were open and Lexa thought better to check the open ones before asking someone for Clarke.

She was about to go back when she found Clarke inside a room with Bellamy. Lexa was going to turn around and wait but her feet froze as she saw Bellamy move towards Clarke. He cupped her face and then his lips were on hers. Lexa's blood boiled watching the scene. She wanted to rip Bellamy's head from his body but refrained, as even in that moment she cared for Clarke's feelings. She knew she could do nothing if Clarke had chosen him. She watched horrified as Bellamy pushed her against the wall and deepened the kiss, Clarke wasn't resisting. Lexa felt a burning in her eyes and an ache in her throat but her eyes remained glued at the scene before her. Just as she had gotten the energy to move her feet, Clarke pushed Bellamy off her. Lexa felt hope rise in her chest, like fire, and she was clinging to that hope at that moment. Clinging to that strand of hope not to lose herself. Clinging to it like a rope on which she was walking, her life depended on it. But the rope broke as she heard Clarke say,

"Bellamy, I love you, I do."

And then she was running. She was running as far as her legs could carry her. She shouted at the gatekeeper to open the gate and went out running. Tears blinded her vision but she didn't care. She kept running. Her sword was out and was cutting anything and everything coming in her path. She didn't care if she hurt herself in the process. She was swinging it blindly. Finally, she sat down under a tree and, bringing her knees to her chin, started to cry openly. She screamed and shouted for her loss. Knowing Clarke was another's was tearing her apart. She was feeling weak and she could do nothing about it. Then what was the meaning of Ton DC? A voice in her mind questioned as she sobbed. Another voice answered, she just considers you as a friend, nothing more, maybe less but nothing more. Suddenly she heard gunshots. Her years of Commander training instinctively kicked in and, collecting herself, she rushed towards the sound. Soon she found the source of it was the boy who had stolen her princess away from her. A voice in her head asked her to kill him there and then but Clarke's tear soaked, broken face appeared in her head and she lowered her weapon.

She was about to leave Bellamy to whatever he was doing out there when she saw a man hiding behind a large boulder with a pistol aimed at him. She was about to warn Bellamy when she saw the man press the trigger and heard the shot. She knew Bellamy had failed to find the source of the sound and would become an easy target with the next bullet. Clarke's face flashed in her mind once again and she lunged at Bellamy, pushing him aside as the bullet pierced her armor.

Clarke's POV:

Clarke stood stunned for what seemed like ages after Bellamy left. He was long gone before she was finally able to process what had just happened. She touched her bruised lips for the evidence as to whether or not what happened was real. Shit, shit, shit! Why did Bellamy have to do it?

She left the room quickly and went out to find Bellamy but, as soon as her eyes fell on Ryder, she was reminded of Lexa; she had wanted to talk to her. She contemplated whether to find Bellamy or talk to Lexa. She knew it was better to give Bellamy some time than to talk to him immediately and hence made her way to Ryder.

"Sky Heda." He greeted her.

"Where is your Commander, Ryder?"

"She had gone to your quarters looking for you." Ryder replied.

Clarke frowned, as she couldn't recall seeing Lexa near her door. Nevertheless, she nodded to Ryder and made her way back to the living quarters. On her way, she thought over what Raven had said. Should I really tell Lexa how I feel about her? She asked herself. Even thinking about it scared her but she repeated Raven's voice in her head. This is real. And so she decided to do what she thought was right and damn the consequences. Now all that was left for her was to find the Commander.

After searching the whole camp, Clarke returned back to where Ryder was standing.

"There's no sign of your Commander, Ryder. I looked everywhere."

He was about to answer her when she saw Kane with a few soldiers, all geared up walking towards the gate. What now? She thought as she ran to the man.

"Kane, what's going on?" She asked.

"Clarke, Bellamy just radioed that a mountain man is out there and he had attacked him."

"Bellamy is out there? Why?" She shrieked.

"We don't know, Clarke. We need to leave, now." Kane said and quickly moved passed her.

Clarke wanted to go with the party but she had a more important matter on her mind, where is Lexa?

Then she recalled that she hadn't checked the infirmary. She quickly ran to look for her over there. She only found her mother in the facility, treating a patient. She came running back to the open and made her way to the gate. But she didn't need to go out as she watched a figure walking towards her. She immediately recognized it as Bellamy and quickly got the gate opened for him. She was about to shout out his name when she saw that Bellamy was not alone. He was carrying someone in his arm. His pace was fast and was in camp Jaha within seconds. Clarke's eyes widened as she realised who Bellamy was cradling in his arms. The Commander's shiny armor was completely covered in her blood and her eyes were shut. She was immobilized at her spot until Bellamy's urgent voice brought her out of her daze.

"She needs your help, Clarke."

Clarke nodded and gestured him to follow him to the infirmary. The patient bed was already occupied so she threw things off a table and made Bellamy put Lexa on the table.

Abby heard the noise and came running, "What's wrong?"

"She's been shot." Bellamy replied instantly.

Abby nodded and quickly removed the Commander's armor and tunic with the help of Clarke and Octavia, who had also arrived to help, to see the source of the blood. There, in the middle of Lexa's chest was a deep hole and blood was oozing out from it like a fountain.

"Damn these grounder armours. They are useless." Octavia muttered.

"Mom, please don't let her die." Clarke begged.

Abby didn't reply as she quickly retrieved her surgical equipment from the table next to where she was standing.

"Both of you hold her still, I need to cut through her flesh to get it out and she might regain consciousness during the process. You will need to hold her down."

She didn't wait for them to nod as she dug into Lexa's flesh for the bullet. Just as she had got hold of it, the Commander's eyes popped open and her body jerked violently making Abby lose hold of the bullet. She screamed out of pain and tried to free herself from Clarke and Octavia's hold.

"Lexa, calm down. You have been shot and we need to get the bullet out." Clarke spoke.

"It...hurts, Clarke. It..."

"Distract her, Clarke." Her mother whispered in Clarke's ear as she got hold of the bullet again.

"What do you think you were doing out there, Lexa?"

"I…I...I did it for you." The Commander said in a barely audible voice.

"The bullet's out!" Abby exclaimed as she put the bullet on the metal plate.

"She's safe?" Clarke asked.

"I need to stitch her wound up quickly, she has lost a lot of blood." Abby mumbled as she started the stitching process.

Lexa's face was twisted in pain and her hands found their way to Clarke's and held them so tightly that her knuckles had turned white.

"It's alright, Lexa. It will be over in just a minute. It will be all over. You will be fine." Clarke soothed the Commander.

"I've stitched her up, but the bullet had grazed her heart so she has to fight to come back. It's all up to her." Abby informed Clarke.

"Lexa, fight it. Come back to me. Fight it." Clarke said forcefully.

Lexa looked into Clarke's eyes, smiled and opened her mouth to say something but only came a groan before her eyes drooped.

"Her breathing has stopped!" Octavia screamed as the exact moment Clarke felt the Commander's grip loosen from her hands.

"No." Clarke said as she leant down to her heart to find...no beats.

"MOM! DO SOMETHING!"

Abby pushed her daughter aside as she started to do CPR. "C'mon. C'mon." She chanted, hoping against hope for the Commander to regain consciousness.

She didn't and dejected she moved back with her head down. "I am sor…"

"Don't you dare, mom!" Clarke screamed as she herself started pumping Lexa's chest. Then she bent down to Lexa's mouth and opening her lips blew air inside. She had never thought this would be how her lips will touch Lexa's after the one kiss they had shared before Mount Weather.

"Wake up, Lexa. You don't get to die on me. I said wake up!" Clarke cried, her voice hoarse. "WAKE! UP!"

"Bellamy get her out of here." Abby asked calmly.

"What? No! No! No! Put me down, Bellamy. Damn it! PUT ME DOWN." Clarke struggled as Bellamy half dragged, half carried her out of the room.

When he put her down, she tried to walk back to the infirmary but he blocked her way.

"Let me through." Clarke said menacingly. Bellamy shook his head.

"I said, through." Clarke repeated, gritting her teeth. Bellamy shook his head and Clarke started punching him. Bellamy remained impassive.

Clarke eventually gave up and slid herself to the ground, loud sobs coming out from her body.

"It was her." Bellamy whispered with wide eyes and Clarke nodded slowly.

"I am so sorry, Clarke." Bellamy said, touching her shoulder.

"What happened, Bellamy?" Clarke finally asked.

"It was my fault. All my fault. I left camp Jaha and was in the middle of the woods. My gun was empty and this mountain man targeted me. I just heard the sound of the trigger and then was pushed on the ground by the Commander. She took the bullet that was meant for me." Bellamy said with his head down and eyes burning.

"She...she said she did it for me." Clarke whispered.

"It was my fault." With these words Clarke ran towards the living quarters of Raven. Bellamy didn't follow her this time.

Clarke threw the door open to find Raven sitting on a chair reading a book. Raven looked up to find what looked like a crazed Clarke at her door. She immediately dropped her book and asked,

"Clarke, what-"

"She's dead, Raven. SHE'S FUCKING DEAD! You said I deserved happiness? Then why is she dead?" Clarke said, moving dangerously close to Raven.

"What? Comm...Lexa's dead?" Raven asked with a shell-shocked face.

"I lost her and I can't handle it, Raven. I just can't. I can't. She left me." Clarke said between hiccups.

"Shhh...Clarke. She wouldn't want you to break apart. She wouldn't want you to be weak." Raven said in Clarke's hair as she hugged her.

"WELL, I AM WEAK! I'm tired of being strong. She was my strength, Raven. I have no strength now." Clarke sobbed and tried to remove herself from Raven's embrace. Raven just held tighter.

"You will be all right, Clarke. You will be."

"It's all because of me. I don't deserve happiness after I took away all those lives. Lexa was my happiness and that's why she's gone. She died because I loved her." Clarke said defeated.

"No Clarke, it has nothing..."

"Why does everyone have to die on me? First my father, then Wells, then Finn and now…now Lexa."

"Clarke, I am so sorry for you loss but you are a leader. People count on you. Please collect yourself."

"Isn't a leader allowed to break, Raven?" Clarke pleaded.

"You are but when you go out, you will need a strong face."

"A mask." Clarke closed her eyes and nodded.

This was the exact moment Clarke understood Lexa completely. Why she used to wear the mask over her face, her emotions. It hadn't only been for her people, it had been for herself too. If she hadn't worn it, she would've fallen apart. Clarke decided to wear the same mask for the rest of her life now. For herself and for the girl whose chest Clarke's heart had stopped beating in.


	8. Chapter 8

LOST – CHAPTER 8

Lexa's POV:

The instant the bullet struck her chest, she knew her life was over. Her armor hadn't been designed to withstand the mountain men's weapons. While her warrior mind catalogued the massive damage done by that one small projectile, she wistfully wished that she had the chance to tell Clarke that she had become weak for her. She had fallen in love with her.

She tried to gasp. It was instinctive that she did, but that one gasp took so much more out of her than she would've thought. She dropped to her knees, her skin now marred by stones and smothered in dirt. But just as she was about to collapse on the ground, she felt strong arms hold her. She felt herself being lifted and the ground moving underneath her. She tried to look at the boy, tell him to give her message to the Sky Princess but no words could come out of her mouth due to the agonizing pain in her chest and neither would her eyes open.

She could have laughed at the situation had her lungs not been shutting down. She was a warrior, she was the Commander and had been ready to die for her people anytime, but here she was dying for another's people. The other who had chosen someone else over her. But she felt content that she had sacrificed her life for Clarke's happiness. She owed it to her...owed it after what Clarke had to suffer because of her. Though she felt a little disheartened knowing that her soul was going to leave her body because of a wound caused by a small bullet. She had always imagined herself dying fighting. But she had no fight left in her after that little metal arrowhead had embedded itself in her body.

It felt like she was on fire inside, a fire that gradually spread all through her chest and shadowed along her bones. But she was freezing on the outside. She was shivering. Her chest was still heaving - up, down, up, down - begging for a strong heartbeat. Begging her heart to keep pumping her blood. And her lungs pleaded for oxygen, but each breath she took was so antagonizing, so consuming, that she felt like she was stealing breaths. The consequence of stealing each breath was unbearable pain and panic. Panic that this would be the last.

The Commander had never been afraid of death in the past, many times she had come very close to it and had been ready to embrace it like an old friend. Not this time; this time she had someone she wanted to return to, but the contraction and relaxation of her chest was agonizing. She knew she would have to give up sooner or later.

Suddenly, she felt the ground underneath her stop moving and her brain told her that the man who was carrying her, Bellamy was his name, had halted. She heard him harshly speak something to someone and she again felt the ground moving below her. She could feel that she was drowned in her own blood and also could smell it everywhere. Then she felt a cool metal surface against her back. What is happening? She tried to voice but failed. She faintly heard someone curse her armor and, after a little while, realized that the voice belonged to Octavia of the Sky people. She was fading. She stopped trying to part her eyes open and was ready to give up when she heard a voice that made her heart beat once again. A strong beat.

"Mom, please don't let her die." The hoarse, panicked and pleading voice of Clarke made way to her ears.

And then blackness surrounded her. The blackness was haunting her. She couldn't breathe. She needed to get out of here. She tried to look for an escape, for light, but there was none. She couldn't feel anything. She couldn't see anything. The blackness was blinding her. She wanted to scream and shout but was capable of none until she suddenly felt such a sharp pain that she somehow found the energy to voice it. Her screams echoed back to her and she was brought back to light. She used the little energy she was capable of to pry her eyes open and was met with a beautiful, blue ocean. So warming, so loving, so...scared? No, that can't be right. She was scared. It was hidden, imprisoned inside her midnight blue eyes, but she could see it, and it broke her heart and mended it all the same.

"Lexa, calm down. You have been shot and we need to get the bullet out." The gentle tone of the owner of the blue ocean's voice reached her ears.

She felt tears in her eyes as she looked into those eyes; they were pleading her to not to give up. Finally she had words form out of her mouth.

"It...hurts, Clarke. It..." Came out the words.

"What do you think you were doing out there, Lexa?" She heard the girl whisper angrily in her ear.

She opened her mouth to answer her but only a groan escaped her. She had to answer it. She knew this was probably the last thing she would get to say to the Sky girl. She wanted her to know that she had tried to redeem herself.

"I...I...I did it for you." She managed to utter these words and then another shot of pain seized her, imprisoning her, making her a captive. It was like a giant force was being thrust upon her, like the greatest gust of wind, and it was breaking her ribs, tearing her heart apart, puncturing her lungs.

"Lexa, fight it. Come back to me. Fight it." She heard the blue-eyed angel ordering her. Somewhere in her mind, she found herself smiling at what the angel had said. Had ordered the Commander. She had not taken orders from anyone in a long, long time; however, she desperately wanted to obey the Sky leader today. But her stubborn Commander body wouldn't let her.

She knew she didn't have much time and with what she thought might be the last of her energy, she forced her eyes back open. She moved her head to get a better look at the beautiful woman, whose face was now covered with tears, and she offered her a smile that didn't not reach her lips but floated in her eyes. She pried apart her lips to speak to her.

"You are my weakness."

But something was wrong. She didn't hear her voice. She had failed to tell Clarke what she meant to her. She tried to open her eyes again but the foreboding darkness enveloped her completely this time. She couldn't feel anything. Her heart eventually stopped beating, she understood. She was, in a way, happy to be finally able to rid herself of the pain, the agony. Then she felt punches on her chest. Punch after punch. They stopped only to have a sharp claw replace the punches and tear her flesh open. She felt herself drowning back into the darkness but the pain continued. Am I in hell? This was the last question her mind asked herself before shutting down forever.

Raven's POV:

Raven watched silently as Clarke collected herself. She watched as her eyes turned into steel, void of all emotions. She looked so unlike Clarke that Raven couldn't help but take a few steps back from her. The warm, compassionate, kindhearted girl seemed to have vanished right in front of her eyes.

It was odd that Raven would find Clarke so different only because of the hardness in her eyes but maybe those soft, welcoming eyes were what had made Clarke Clarke; This was the girl who had suffered the deaths of the most important people in her life, never had anyone constant in her life, but she herself had remained the constant in everyone else's life. Yet here she was losing her consistency only because of one death. The death of the one whom she didn't even get a chance to proclaim her love to. Raven had seen Clarke grieve Finn's death, had seen her being haunted by him, had seen her being haunted by the hundreds that had died on Mount Weather, and through it all she had remained herself. But this...this was a transformation that Raven could have never been prepared for. Regardless, she knew better than to voice her concern. She watched the girl with sympathy in her eyes, as she sat on her bed and took deep breaths to compose herself. Raven was impressed at how Clarke was collecting herself, making it believable for others that she was fine but Raven was the one who had witnessed the breakdown and thus knew that Clarke was far from fine. She was broken. She opened her mouth to tell her friend that she could talk to her, that she could keep the mask off when she was with her, because Raven also knew about pain. She, after all, had lost the only person she called family on this planet, but none of that came out of her mouth as her eyes moved towards her room's door Clarke had left wide open; she watched Indra with half a dozen warriors walk in the camp and thus, this was what came out of her mouth,

"Clarke, Indra is here with her warriors."

"Ryder must have informed her." Clarke said in a hoarse voice.

"The Commander's body guard?" Raven asked.

Clarke nodded, not looking at Raven and keeping her eyes fixated on a point, still trying to control the tears that were trying to leak out of her eyes.

"Clarke you need to go and talk to Indra. With the Commander gone, we don't know what she would do. And if they blamed us then..."

"They'll want blood for blood." Clarke whispered, getting up and willing herself to stay strong not only for herself but for Lexa as well, and started walking. After all, Lexa had also wanted peace. She had united all the 12 clans for peace. Clarke owed Lexa to try to maintain the peace between their people.

"Clarke, we need to hurry." Raven said, urging Clarke who had stopped in the middle.

Raven's voice brought Clarke back to the present and she forced herself to move forward. Raven was leading and making way for the Sky leader by moving people, who had clustered in front of the infirmary, aside. Finally she was able to get herself and Clarke in.

Clarke's POV:

Clarke entered the infirmary and immediately averted her eyes from the bed where Lexa's body was lying in. Her line of sight found Indra standing in a corner with her mom. Her mother was speaking and Indra, for once, was listening to her intently without trying to shut her up. Then, she willed her eyes to look around the room, anywhere but the bed. Only Lincoln and Octavia were present inside the infirmary.

"Clarke!" Octavia screamed when her eyes found hers.

"She's alive, Clarke."

"What?" Raven and Clarke shouted in unison.

"She's alive, Clarke." Octavia repeated.

Clarke's feet automatically carried her towards Lexa and she finally looked down at her, but she couldn't see her very clearly as tears blinded her vision. She quickly wiped them away to look at the girl who had stolen her heart. Lexa was still unconscious but her chest was heaving. She was breathing. Clarke, with her hands shaking, took the Commander's hand in hers and slowly kissed her knuckles.

"I thought I had lost you." Clarke whispered to no one in particular.

"Clarke, she is stable now." She heard her mom say and felt pressure on her shoulder.

Clarke nodded and, looking up, said. "T-thank you, m-mom."

Abby shook her head," I am sorry I had failed to save her Clarke. You have Octavia to thank for this."

Clarke turned her head to look at Octavia who had her head resting on Lincoln's shoulder.

"O?"

"Well, it turns out that all these grounders have a thing for shock lashes." Octavia replied hitting Lincoln's arm playfully and winking at Clarke. Clarke couldn't help but chuckle.

"Than-k you." Clarke said, a smile making its way on her tear-soaked face.

"I-I can't find her. I looked everywhere and she...she's here." Bellamy said, panting as he got in the infirmary.

"I am sorry, Clarke. I didn't..."

"No, Bellamy don't. Not right now." Clarke pleaded.

"You all should leave, the Commander needs to rest. Clarke, I need you here so please stay." Abby requested. It was clear that the last request was for Clarke's own benefit but no one said anything and left one after the other.

"When will she wake up, mom?" Clarke asked immediately after the departure of her friends.

"She is exhausted Clarke, she needs her rest. She'll probably be up by dawn." Abby replied while injecting a solution in the IV bag.

"Okay."

"What were you talking about with Indra, mom?"

"She wanted me to take her Commander off our treatment as apparently it is against her traditions." Abby said, rolling her eyes.

"She looked pretty passive to me. How did you manage to convince her?" Clarke asked surprised.

"She is her subordinate but she does care about her in her own way, and even though she would never admit it to anyone, she knew that our technology and our treatments are the only thing that will bring her back. So she agreed to it on one condition." Abby said, pausing.

"And what is that?" Clarke asked impatiently.

"No one is to tell the Commander that Indra allowed the treatment and she is not responsible for the Commander's actions once she wakes up to find herself surrounded by tubes." Abby said, smiling.

"I told her not to worry about it, after all it's your headache." Abby nudged her daughter playfully.

Clarke's face flushed and Abby chuckled.

"So is there anything you would like to share with me, Clarke?" Abby asked suggestively and sat opposite to Clarke on a chair.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Clarke mumbled.

"You seemed to have developed a liking to the Commander." Abby stated, raising her eyebrows.

"Mommmm." Clarke groaned.

"You can talk to me, you know that right?" Abby said seriously.

"I know mom. But at the present I don't really know where we stand. Where we can stand. We are leaders mom, our life decisions affect our people."

"I am talking to you as my daughter, Clarke. Not as our leader."

Clarke sighed. "Mom, I have really started to care about her. I myself hadn't realized it until this moment but I still don't know about her, what she thinks of me, what she wants of me."

"You haven't told her about your feelings?" Abby guessed.

"No, I was about to but this happened." Clarke said sadly.

"Clarke, I will not stop you from whatever you choose, after all it's your life but you were right, you are a leader and that's why your decision will affect all of us, the Sky people and the grounders alike. While our people might stand behind you for your happiness after what you've done for us, are you sure the grounders will accept you? From what little I know about them, they don't give much value to their or anyone's feelings."

"Mom, you are taking this too far. I haven't even told Lexa yet and you're already wondering what her people would think? I am not even sure about what she feels for me or if I am more than just someone who's beneficial for her people to her. Oh, and didn't you advise me to take one day at a time?"

Abby sighed and, taking Clarke's hand in hers, whispered, "Clarke, is she even worth it? She may be a great leader but she is a broken person. No one who is intact can be so emotionless. Clarke, I think you will be wasting time trying to collect her pieces."

"And you think I am intact, mom? How can you say that when you know what I did...what I had to do at the Mountain? Nobody is perfect, mom. I am not and neither is she. I am just as broken as her." Clarke hissed angrily.

"Clarke, the Commander is not like you. She is a monster who..."

"Lexa is not a monster!" Clarke shouted, getting up from the bed.

Lexa stirred restlessly in her sleep and Clarke turned around to make sure she was still sleeping.

"Leave. I am capable of looking after Lexa myself." Clarke said through gritted teeth but not turning around to look at her mother.

"Clarke, what I meant was..."

"No mom. I can't talk to you about this right now. This is not the time nor the place, please leave." Clarke said, trying her best to keep her voice even.

Abby stared at her daughter's back for a while before she finally gave up, huffed and left the infirmary.

Once she was gone, Clarke took a deep breath to calm herself and sat on the chair that was previously occupied by her mother. She was exhausted after the very eventful day but was determined not to sleep until Lexa woke up. She thus willed her eyes to stay open. She observed the profile of the girl on the bed. Her face, which had been cleaned after the surgery, looked paler than usual. She had black circles under her eyes, which made Clarke wonder what kept the Commander up at night these days, during the time of peace. Her eyes then moved down to the white shirt she had been clad in by her mother and Octavia after the operation. Clarke felt a sense of content as she saw the rise and fall of Lexa's chest. Her eyes then made their way to the slender legs of the Commander; she was still wearing her grounder, tight yet flexible pants. Clarke couldn't help but think that she had killer legs.

After observing the Commander up and down, Clarke's eyes finally rested back on the young Commander's face. Only one thought crossed her mind as she looked at the face - she had been wrong when she thought her worst nightmare had been Mount Weather. Her worst nightmare had been last night. She sighed then moved her eyes to the chair on the other side of the bed. She found that it had the Commander's cloak on it and recalled that her mom had thrown it there while undressing the Commander.

Clarke knew that the cloak meant a lot to Lexa and her people, so she got up and picked the cloak to fold it. She was surprised to find it so soft. It was also very warm, perfect for the chilly weather. It was clear that the cloak had been especially made for the Commander. As Clarke held it up to fold it, she noticed how it smelled of Lexa. Obviously, she thought shaking her head. If Lexa was conscious, Clarke would have died on the spot with mortification but, as she wasn't, Clarke pressed her nose on the material and inhaled deeply. It smelled like trees and earth. It smelled like rain and sunshine, like rivers and stones. It smelled of protection and warmth. It smelled of hardships and persistency. It smelled of the beautiful grounder lying on the hospital bed.

The smell was intoxicating to Clarke and she didn't want to leave the soft, comforting material. However, exhaustion was taking over her and, after folding the cloak, Clarke reluctantly placed it carefully on the seat, smiling slightly. Then she made her way back to the brunette. She softly caressed her cheek, unable to resist. Clarke smiled when she felt the sleeping Commander unconsciously lean into her touch.

"Get well soon, Lexa." Clarke whispered, covering Lexa up to her chest with the white sheet. Just as Clarke turned to leave, she felt a hand grabbing her wrist. Lexa was had woken up.


	9. Chapter 9

LOST – CHAPTER 9

"Clarke." Lexa whispered in a weak voice.

"You are awake?" Clarke asked surprised.

"No. I am still asleep." Lexa said, her eyes twinkling.

"Did you just make a joke?"

"I don't know what that is, Clarke." Lexa said, smirking.

"You should stay in the hospital more often, it puts you in a good mood Commander." Clarke said, sitting on the bed.

"Can I please have water?" Lexa croaked, her voice hoarse.

"Yes, of course." Clarke said and tried to move but found her wrist still held by the Commander, who was staring into her eyes as if reading something very important in them.

Clarke cleared her throat and said, "Commander, my hand."

Lexa's face flushed and she immediately removed her hold on Clarke's wrist. Then she averted her gaze from Clarke's and started to stare at the ceiling.

Clarke brought a glass of water to her and Lexa tried to take it from Clarke's hands but winced in pain as she tried to move her arms from her sides.

"You were shot Lexa, you can't..." Clarke started gently.

"I can't what? Drink water on my own? I don't think so." Lexa hissed angrily, her good mood vanishing into thin air. She tried to grab the glass again but Clarke, knowing Lexa's stubbornness, had anticipated this and had already set the glass on the table so, when Lexa tried to move her arms, they were immediately pinned on either side of her body by the blonde, her face right above the Commander's and bending closer as she applied pressure to keep her still. Clarke noticed the change in Lexa's breathing and shuddered when she felt the rapid pounding of her pulse under her fingertips.

"I can't let you do that, Commander. Your stitches will open." Clarke whispered, her breath warming the Commander's face.

"Let me go, Clarke." Lexa said, giving Clarke a deathly glare that would make anyone run far away from her. Anyone but Clarke.

"No chance, Lexa." Clarke said huskily, smirking at the girl below her.

Lexa gulped at her tone but kept glaring. However, she stopped struggling as she figured it would be to no avail.

"Good girl." Clarke said, releasing Lexa.

Then she helped the very annoyed Commander to a half sitting position and brought the glass of water to her lips. Once the liquid touched her lips, Lexa forgot all her bitterness towards Clarke and hungrily drank all the water, spilling some of the liquid on her shirt in the process. Clarke snatched a tissue from the tissue box on the table and wiped the water dripping from Lexa's chin and slowly made her way to her lips, caressing them softly against the thin tissue. She looked up from her lips to her eyes and found them boring into hers. She stared back into them for a while and then swallowed nervously as she saw how dark the green eyes were. She felt her heart rate increase, her face heat up and her mouth go dry.

Suddenly, Lexa tried to move her arm and flinched in pain, bringing Clarke back to her senses. Blushing, she swiftly retracted her arm after gently but hurriedly placing the Commander back on the bed. All the time, she could feel the Commander's gaze on her, making her blush even more. She got off the bed and, turning around to fix the curtains, which didn't need fixing, said,

"Lexa, you should rest. You were supposed to be asleep till dawn."

"I have been trained to always be alert to my surroundings, Clarke. Did you really expect me not to wake up when you touched me face?"

Clarke hadn't thought she could get anymore redder but she was proven wrong, as she felt her cheeks heat up even more. She didn't dare turn around as she lied,

"Uh...Yeah. I was checking your temperature." Then, gathering resolve and taking a deep breath to cool her face, she turned around and said forcibly,

"You need to rest now."

"I am not weak. I am fine." Lexa protested.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "This is not the same as being weak! You were injured and you need to rest, don't be an idiot."

"I thought you said I was smart." Lexa mumbled, before finally resting her head against the pillow and immediately falling asleep.

Clarke watched the woman for a few seconds before quietly, very quietly, moving to the chair to sit down. She wanted to tell Lexa how she felt about her as soon as the grounder had woken up. But she knew that Lexa was under sedation, though not heavy, as soon as she cracked a joke. She did like this side of Lexa but she knew that Lexa needed to be totally herself when Clarke confessed her feelings to her, when she told her she was ready.

Clarke found a notebook and a pen inside a drawer of the table placed on the side table and thought of drawing so she didn't sleep. She wanted to be awake in case Lexa needed anything. She stared at the paper and thought of what to draw. Her mind went back to Lexa and suddenly she got the inspiration. She started working, her forehead creased in concentration.

Clarke jolted awake by the sound of footsteps. She immediately grabbed the pencil that had fallen on her lap and clenched it tightly in her fist ready to use it as a weapon. She saw black boots making their way to her. She quickly looked up and sighed in relief as she saw Bellamy stopping in front of her.

"Gosh, Bellamy! You scared me." She exclaimed.

Bellamy smiled, though Clarke noticed that the smile didn't reach his eyes, as he said sheepishly, "Sorry. I saw that you had dozed off and didn't want to disturb you."

Clarke nodded as she didn't know what else to say.

"Umm...I brought breakfast for you... and the Commander." Bellamy added, gesturing at the tray he had in his hand.

"You didn't have to. I would've gotten it for her once she woke up. Besides, I won't be eating it as I am not hungry." Clarke said, barely concealing a yawn.

"Nonsense. You need to eat and then go rest..."

"But..."Clarke tried to interrupt.

"The Commander is not going anywhere, Clarke."

Clarke huffed, "Fine."

Bellamy passed her the tray and then stood there awkwardly before gracefully picking up the chair on the opposite end and bringing it next to Clarke's.

The tension in the room was palpable but Clarke tried to ignore it as she randomly stuffed food in her mouth, without really tasting it. Bellamy turned his head from Clarke and watched the sleeping form of the Commander, though not really watching as his mind was somewhere else.

"Thanks Bellamy." Clarke said gratefully as she got up and put the tray on the table, smiling softly when her eyes fell on the Commander.

"Umm...Clarke? I was hoping to talk to you about you know..."

Just then his radio came alive and Kane's voice ringed in the room. "Bellamy, you are needed in the armory."

Bellamy brought out the walkie-talkie from his pockets and, with a scowl on his face, replied, "I will be there in a moment."

Bellamy looked up apologetically towards Clarke and said, "I am sorry. I will be sending Octavia. No, Clarke. You need to rest, you look exhausted." He added when Clarke tried to protest again.

Clarke rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "Thanks for the compliment and fine, I will go and rest."

Bellamy smiled but it was gone after a moment and nervousness found its way on his face. "Clarke, can I please see you tonight? I was hoping to talk to you. I really am sorry and I would totally understand if you say no but I..."

"Come to my room in the afternoon. You will find me there." Clarke cut off his blabbing.

Relief flooded on his face as he said, "Thank you. I…I'll leave now."

Just as he was about to leave, Abby entered. Bellamy nodded at her respectfully and then left.

"She hasn't woken up yet?" Abby asked frowning.

"She woke up last night, soon after you left and, after nearly 15 minutes, went to sleep again. She hasn't woken up since then."

"Well, we should wake her up now. She needs food in her system." Abby said, walking to the bed.

"I'll do it." Clarke said coldly.

"Clarke, listen to me please."

Clarke stopped moving and turned back to her mom, raising her eyebrows.

"I am sorry for what I said, but I am your mother and you need to believe that I want the best for you. However, I have realized that maybe you know better what is best for you. Though, let me just say this; this is not going to be a relationship accepted by all. It's not going to be easy. If you want the easy way...I am sure there are some among our people who like you."

Clarke harshly answered her, "It's not about liking, mom! I have deeper feelings for Lexa than I would have ever thought having for anyone. I felt torn, incomplete, imperfect during the days I was away from her. And yes, I know it won't be welcomed by everyone, but I need to try, mom. And if you haven't noticed, nothing is easy on Earth."

Abby sighed in defeat and said. "All right. But I want to make a request to you as Lexa's doctor."

"Yes?"

"Please do this after she's out of bed. I don't want her to do anything that will cause any harm to her wound or stitches. "

Clarke blushed. " Obviously, mom. I know that."

"Good. Now give her these painkillers when you wake her up. I am needed by another patient who has wounded his arm rather badly while trying to place a sword back into its sheath." Abby said, rolling her eyes.

Clarke chucked and, taking the colorful pills from her mom, said, "It's not really his fault. We didn't have swords on our Ark, did we?"

"But we did have knives." Abby muttered as she left the room.

Clarke focused her attention back at the brunette once she was again alone with her.

She had a very strong urge to run her hand along Lexa's cheekbones, tangle her arms in Lexa's hair and plant soft kisses down her jaw lines to those soft but chapped lips to wake her up. She had only kissed Lexa once but it was that one kiss that made her crave so much more. That kiss brought out a hunger from inside of her Clarke didn't know existed. She had romantically kissed people before - Finn, this other girl from the Ark and Wes when she had first(and the last) time become drunk - but Lexa's kiss had no comparison to any. It had taken everything in her to stop kissing the Commander. She knew it had been wrong to kiss her when some part of her heart still belonged to Finn. But now, her heart was completely void of affections for Finn and she knew she would not be able to resist Lexa this time. So she opted to wake her up by simply calling her name.

"Lexa. Lexa, wake up." Clarke said gently in the Commander's ear.

Lexa's eyes immediately popped open and her hands started to move towards her hip, probably to grab some non-existent dagger, but stopped midway when she saw the blonde.

"Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa greeted.

"Lexa of the Tree people, you've finally woken up!" Clarke said, imitating the Commander.

"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind." Lexa said, frowning.

"Neither is repeating your lines again and again."

"You remembered." Lexa said, smiling a little.

"Of course I did. I don't know if you've noticed but I am not exactly 70 plus."

"I have." Lexa said, her eyes running down Clarke's body.

"Ah...Umm. You need to eat something Lexa." Clarke said, trying to make the Commander look back at her face.

Lexa nodded and Clarke fed her breakfast patiently.

"Clarke, I can't stay here." Lexa spoke up suddenly.

"Here as in camp Jaha?" Clare asked confused.

"No. I can't be treated by these mountain men's equipment. Remove these tubes." Lexa said.

Clarke remained silent as she placed the now empty breakfast tray on the table and, getting up from the bed, said,

"Need I remind you that I do not take orders from you, Commander? And these mountain men's equipment are what saved your life."

"I wasn't asked for my consent before they were used, Clarke." Lexa said coolly.

"If you were what would have been your answer?" Clarke asked slowly, looking directly into the commander's eyes.

"These people had drained lives of my people for centuries. I would've rather died than taken help from something that was built by them, even if it meant that my sprit could no longer stay in my body." Lexa said stoically.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Clarke said frustrated, losing her cool.

The Commander again started in her even tone, "Clarke..."

"No, don't you dare 'Clarke' me. I need you to listen to me now. How can you say that you would rather give your life than be saved just because it was your enemy's equipment that saved your life? Hating them? I get it. But hating these non-living things? I don't get it. Anything's use defines it, not its origin."

"I cannot go against my traditions, Clarke." Lexa said simply.

"Damn your traditions, Lexa. I thought you were better than that. After all, you have formed an alliance with someone who killed 300 of your people. And don't you see how we, the Sky people, have changed ourselves to survive on this damn planet? Do you think it is our tradition to go to wars? Kill others? Train from early in the morning to dusk?"

Lexa had her fingers curled into fists but, still maintaining a cool voice, asked, "What is your point, Clarke?"

"You need to become accepting, Lexa. Learn to accept new things, new traditions, and new cultures. Let your culture grow. I am not saying to completely let go off your traditions but know when to be lenient too. Don't follow it like it is a word of God."

"Clarke, you don't..."

"I am not done yet, Commander." Clarke said sharply.

"I don't know how invaluable you think your life is Lexa but let me tell you something; it matters a lot to your people, to mine and to me. I once said that I needed your sprit to stay where it was and I am sticking to my statement." Clarke said, breathing heavily, anger visible in her eyes.

Lexa stared into Clarke's eyes for what felt like eternity before slowly nodding her head.

"Good. Now eat these pills."

Lexa looked at them as if they were tiny grenades and tried to recoil from them.

"Oh, for heaven's sake!" Clarke said exasperated.

"These are our medicines, Lexa. You need to swallow them with water."

Lexa glared at Clarke and said, "I trust you" and swallowed the pills as per Clarke's instructions.

The opening of the infirmary's door made Clarke break contact with the Commander's eyes as she turned around to find who had entered.

"Hey, Clarke." Octavia said, marching towards her with a small smile.

"Why is your face all red and why are you breathing so heavily?" Octavia asked, winking.

Clarke rolled her eyes at Octavia's implication and replied, "Maybe because I had to talk sense into someone for which I needed to give a speech."

"Oh, that's pretty normal." Octavia said, grinning.

"Shut up, O." Clarke said, playfully hitting the other girl.

Lexa cleared her throat and, as soon as Octavia's eyes fell on the Commander, the playful girl vanished and a loyal guard/warrior replaced her.

"Commander." She said, nodding respectfully.

"Octavia."

"It's good to see you well." Octavia continued.

"Thank you."

She turned again to Clarke and said, "You know why I am here, right Griffin?"

"Yes, your brother did tell me that I look like a zombie, that I need to go rest and you would be my replacement here."

"I am surprised he actually managed to make you agree with him. I mean, you are not really easy to persuade."

"Bellamy was here?" Lexa asked sharply.

"Yes. In fact, he was the one who brought breakfast." Clarke told Lexa, happily unaware of the anger surging through Lexa's mind hearing her speak of Bellamy.

Lexa just managed to nod in response.

"Okay then, I will leave you two ladies now. Keep my mom informed of her condition every hour, Blake. I will be back here in the evening."

"I don't need someone to stay with me, Clarke."

Then, looking at Octavia, she commanded, "Octavia, leave."

Octavia looked confused whether or not to follow the direct order given by the Commander, but she didn't need to worry about it as Clarke spoke up,

"Sorry to break it to you Lexa, but she is no longer Indra's second or a 'grounder' so she is not bound to listen to you. But let me tell you something; she is my friend and I can guarantee you will listen to me on this." Clarke said and, hugging Octavia, left the room.

Octavia took the seat without the Commander's cloak on and said "She's right Commander, plus you saved my brother's life so the least I can do is protect yours till you are capa..."

"Don't ever think that I am incapable of defending myself, Octavia of the Sky people." Lexa said dangerously.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that. I just wanted to thank you for saving Bellamy's life and I am sorry for my behavior earlier."

Lexa dipped her head. Silence fell over them after this.

Lexa broke it after a while, "Octavia of the Sky People?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"What is a zombie?" She asked seriously.

"It's a...what?" Octavia stopped speaking as she realized what the Commander had asked.

"Clarke said that Bellamy had said she looked like a zombie."

You are jealous, Octavia wanted to say but knew better. "Ahem...it's... what do you think it is?"

"Some beautiful creature of the Sky?" Lexa guessed.

Octavia had to bite her cheek to stop from laughing out loud.

"Yes, that's what it is. If you find someone beautiful, you should call them a zombie."

Lexa looked at her thoughtfully before she said, "Thank you, Octavia."


	10. Chapter 10

LOST – CHAPTER 10

Clarke collapsed on her bed as soon as she entered her room. She was exhausted mentally and physically. She hated fighting with Lexa, after all she had literally just come back from the dead but Lexa infuriated her - she was ready to choose death. Ready to leave Clarke so easily. Now Clarke wasn't sure anymore if her feelings were reciprocated by the Commander. She would just have to wait till the Commander was well to confess her feelings and know the outcome, Clarke thought. She knew that it would take at least 2 more days for the stitches to be strong enough. Why did she have to get shot in the chest? Clarke thought irritably.

Clarke woke up with the sound of someone knocking on her door. Groaning, she got up and pulled the door open.

"Yes?" Clarke asked, grumpily.

"Someone's not in a good mood." Bellamy said in an amused voice.

"Oh, shit. Sorry Bell, I was just tired and totally forgot that you were going to come and..."

Bellamy just smiled, stared at her and cleared his throat.

"Do I just stand here?"

"Oh. I am sorry, how rude of me. Come in."

"You missed lunch, Clarke." Bellamy said, taking seat on Clarke's bed.

"Shit. What time is it?" Clarke cursed quickly, tying her hair up.

"Luckily for you, I saved you a plate and it's nearly 5." Bellamy said, putting a plate of roasted meet with some sort of vegetable on table, which Clarke had missed he had in his hand.

"Thanks, Bel." Clarke said gratefully.

"So...I wanted to talk to you about yesterday, Clarke." Bellamy said nervously.

Clarke nodded, sitting next to Bellamy, leaving quite some space.

"Look Clarke, I like you. I really do and I am not going to apologize for it. But I am sorry that I didn't ask you before kissing you. I thought that maybe you felt the same way about me but it was wrong of me to assume that."

"It's okay, Bel. You are a nice guy, a really nice guy and I do love you, just...not the way you want me to." Clarke said, smiling weakly.

"Yeah." Bellamy murmured. Silence greeted them.

"Bel, I don't want to lose your friendship. I meant it when I said I can't lose anyone else." Clarke said, her voice quivering a bit.

"You won't, Princess. You won't." Bellamy smiled and turned to look at her.

Clarke moved closer to Bellamy and rested her head on his shoulder. "Don't worry Bellamy, there's someone out there for you too."

"Hmm, you seem experienced at rejecting people, Griffin." Bellamy said in mock seriousness.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Clarke said humorously, hitting Bellamy's arm.

Bellamy deeply sighed and said, "So you think you've found your someone?"

"I don't know, Bellamy. I think I have but...how do I know when I've found that person?"

"I don't really know how these things work out Clarke, but I think you'll just have to dive in the water to retrieve the treasure chest."

"Hmm."

"Now get up, Clarke. You've had your rest. You should probably meet the prisoners now." Bellamy said, moving is shoulders up so Clarke moved her head.

"What prisoner?" Clarke asked surprised.

"Well princess, the shooter was caught by Kane's team and four other mountain men were caught by grounder scouts."

"And you are telling me this, now?" Clarke said, getting up from the bed and glaring at him.

"What would you have done, Clarke? Besides, everyone saw what a mess you were after the incident, if we told you at that time, then you might've done something that you later would have regretted."

"Done something like killing them on the spot? I don't think I would've regretted it the least." Clarke mumbled.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows.

"Oh really? And what if I told you that the shooter was the one who told us about his fellows?"

"Fine, whatever." Clarke said defeated and then grabbed her jacket.

"Umm...going somewhere?" Bellamy asked.

"Yes. I need to see the prisoners."

"Wow, Wow, Wow. Slow down, princess. You need to eat first. Or are you trying to fall sick on purpose to have yourself in a bed in the infirmary?" Bellamy teased, standing in front of Clarke.

"Shut up Bellamy." Clarke said but stuffed food in her mouth after shoving him aside. She quickly chewed it all.

"Done, happy?"

"Good girl, let's go and have a word with the mountain prisoners now."

Octavia was getting tired of the silence. She wondered what Clarke found attractive in Lexa other than her obvious physical beauty. Slowly she started humming the lyrics of a song she had rather grown to like. The Mountain had a huge collection of albums and Octavia found liking the records of Lady Antebellum.

"Octavia call Indra, please." Octavia noticed that she hesitated a bit before saying please and briefly wondered how many times the Commander had said the word. Clarke surely had a very strong effect on the Commander; there was no doubt about that.

Octavia nodded and left.

Soon she came back with Indra but didn't bother asking her to take the other seat as she sat back to where she had been sitting since morning. Lexa noted this but didn't say anything, as it was not her place. After all, all could not be as forgiving as Clarke, Lexa thought.

"It's good to see your spirit well, heda." Indra said with devotion.

"Mochof (thank you), Indra. Octavia of the Sky People told me about the mountain men being caught. Brief me about their status."

"The shooter was caught by Sky People and hence still breathes." Indra said with clear disapproval in her voice.

"What about the rest?"

"They were captured by our warriors and are ready to be executed on your orders." Indra said respectfully.

"Where are they at the moment?"

"In the Sky People's holding room, Heda. Our warriors are present there."

"And that of Sky People?"

"A few but they claim that it is impossible to escape from that room. They have placed some kind of alarms and picture capturing machine in the room. More of their guards just arrived as the Sky Prisa is visiting the prisoners."

"Take me to them, Indra." Lexa ordered.

" But Heda, the Sky healer said you need to stay…"

"Are you questioning me?" Lexa challenged. Octavia watched the whole scene in silence and couldn't help but notice how intimidating and powerful the Commander looked even when injured and in bed.

"No, Heda." Indra quickly said and moved to help Lexa out of bed.

Finally Octavia spoke up, "Seriously Commander, what is wrong with you? Clarke is safe, relax. She has about a dozen guards for her protection, my brother being among them."

"Bellamy is with her?" Lexa asked sharply.

"Yes. He just radioed that he is taking Clarke to the prisoners and..."

"Indra, get my cloak." Lexa ordered, cutting off Octavia.

Octavia rolled her eyes. "At least leave your cloak. It would be hard enough for you to walk without it."

"Octavia, you do not tell the Commander what to do." Indra spoke harshly.

"And neither do you but I can see that there's no stopping your Commander when she decides on something so I will just leave you to deal with her. I better go ahead and explain this to Clarke before she decides to kill me."

"Do that and I will revive you, just to kill you again." Lexa threatened rather calmly.

Octavia gulped, "I prefer dying only once. I think I will go see if Raven wants my help in…anything."

With that, she left the room quickly.

Clarke arrived in the prison with Bellamy and was greeted with nearly a dozen Grounder warriors and half a dozen of hers. She looked at Bellamy, raising her eyebrows. He just shrugged and said, "You are the Sky Princess, after all."

She saw four prisoners hanging by the wall, and staring at her in disgust.

"Where's the shooter?" Clarke asked, averting her gaze from them.

"He's in the other room." Bellamy answered.

"Lead me to him." Clarke commanded.

"Clarke, I know you probably want to kill him but we need to know if he knows anything that may cause us any danger. We can get it out of him, you know that."

"We have four other people who can go through your interrogation. This one doesn't deserve to live." Clarke snarled, loading bullets in her pistol.

"Yeah but this one seems to be the leader. The rest are just...mindless morons from what I've got to know about them."

"Or they are more cunning and are pretending to be dumb." Clarke argued.

Bellamy shook his head, "Clarke, I cannot be fooled that easily. And let's for a moment consider that I am being fooled, do you still want to finish off the one who is actually speaking up?"

"All right, I won't shoot him just yet. He does not deserve an easy death anyway." Clarke said, moving past Bellamy, making way to the other room. Bellamy hurried to match Clarke's pace.

As soon as Clarke's eyes fell on the man, her voice turned as cold as steel as she ordered Bellamy," Bellamy, leave me and take these guards along with you."

"It's not wise, Princess."

"I am not a child, Bellamy. I can handle myself. Leave now." Clarke said, still not turning to Bellamy.

Bellamy knew that Clarke never ordered people around unless necessary. He trusted her and her capabilities, therefore he left the room, taking the guards with him.

"So it's you again." Clarke said unfeelingly, walking up to the man hanging by the wall.

Lexa felt pangs of pain with every step she took but she had been taught that enduring pain was strength. She was the Commander and she would show strength. So, after initial help from Indra to wrap her Commander cloak around her shoulders and make her stand, Lexa started walking without any support. She noticed that Indra was walking closer to her than usual but didn't make any comments about it as she was in a hurry. She knew Clarke would be safe with her guards but she also knew that Clarke was under a lot of stress and needed not to be given anymore of it.

Once she arrived at the Sky People's prison, which was basically a room with chained prisoners, she was greeted by her warriors calling her name respectfully and bowing their head. She raised a hand to silence them and looked around the room for Clarke. She wasn't there.

"Where is the Sky Princess?" She asked one of the warriors in her native tongue.

"Sky Heda's with the shooter."

She looked at Indra who nodded and led her to other room. She frowned when she saw Bellamy and the rest of his guards standing outside the room. In fact, blocking its entrance.

"What is the meaning of this?" Indra asked angrily, her hand gripping the hilt of her sword tightly, ready to pull it out.

"Commander, how are you out of bed?" Bellamy asked, surprise clearly evident in his voice.

"Where is Clarke, Bellamy?" Lexa asked, inwardly wincing. It hurt to speak.

"She's inside with the prisoner, solo interrogating him. And before you say it, she has a loaded gun and the guy is chained to the wall. He can't hurt her."

"Let me through." Lexa ordered.

Bellamy slowly shook his head. "I am sorry Commander, but you need to wait till Clarke comes out. She ordered not to be interrupted."

"You dare defy the Commander's orders, Sky boy?" Indra said, happily unsheathing her sword. Bellamy seemed unaffected by it and glared at Indra.

"Stand down Indra. The boy is only following his Heda's orders. You cannot have his head for this."

Indra looked disappointed as she sheathed her sword. Bellamy couldn't help but draw a parallel to her with a kid whose Christmas present had been taken away from them. Grounders, he thought and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Bellamy, your leader's orders do not apply to me. We are in an alliance and she is not superior to me and neither am I to her. We are equals." Lexa spoke to the boy coolly.

"You are to let me pass." Lexa said compellingly.

Bellamy stared at her for a few moments, contemplating her words and her logic before finally allowing her the entrance.

"Your guard is to stay here."

"Of course." She said, nodding at Bellamy. It didn't matter how she felt about Bellamy, he was good at protecting Clarke. He is good for her, a sad voice whispered in her head.

Bellamy opened the door very slowly, trying his best not to disturb Clarke or divert her attention. Lexa was naturally stealthy thus Clarke was unaware of the entrance of the Commander. Lexa chose to stay in the shadows and watch the blonde rather than interfere.

She watched impassively as Clarke moved towards the prisoner, pistol in her hand.

"Why?"

"You know why." The prisoner spat.

"No. I had spared your life. Your debt was paid."

"Oh, really? And would that make my son return? The son you killed."

"I did what I had to, to protect my people. "

"What was my son's fault in all this? He was just a boy!" The prisoner said passionately.

"It's not going to work on me, not anymore. I am not going to be blackmailed by you. And you ask what was your son's fault? None."

"It was your mistake that he died. It's on you, not me." Clarke continued calmly and Lexa watched impressed.

"I would have never harmed my son, you bitch!" He spat on Clarke.

Clarke laughed a humorless laugh, extracted a tissue from her pocket and wiped her face. Then she slammed her hand hard across the man's jaws.

"You killed my people, and so I killed your people. It's all your fault." Clarke said pronouncing every word.

The man clenched his jaws but said nothing, his eyes furious.

"You sacrificed your son so you would walk in the sun. It's all on you. I believed it was mine but no...I know better now. It's all your fault." Clarke whispered.

"We did it for survival!" He argued.

"No, you did not. You were SURVIVNG in the mountain. You were just draining people's lives for your luxury. To walk on the ground. You didn't care about people, about lives, about families, about the children."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" He screamed.

"I want you to tell me everything you know." Clarke said evenly.

"Will you let me live if I told you so?"

"No, I cannot do that. Not after what you did."

"That boy of yours wasn't harmed!" He shouted.

"No, he wasn't. No thanks to you. However, you shot someone else that I care for as well."

"It was just a girl."

"It was the Commander."

All the color drained from his face at this information.

"It can't be." He said fearfully.

"Oh, but it was. You know the Grounders and their customs, after all you had eyes on them 24/7. So here's what I will offer you." Clarke said, picking up the dagger placed on the table and twirling it around her fingers.

"I offer not to hand you over to the Grounders in exchange for your informations."

"Liar. You do not have the power to do that, the Commander will have your head."

"Oh, so you have heard of the fierce nature of the Commander? Good. But that is my problem not yours." Clarke said sharply.

"You promise you will not hand me over to the Grounders?" He asked for confirmation.

"I do." Clarke looked at him straight in the eyes.

"I was the closest to the President after Emerson. I was his bodyguard and so I know about the City of Light." He spoke after sometime.

"What about it?" Clarke asked, taking the seat in front of the man hanging by the wall.

"Our forefathers have created an automated machine to set off the nuclear weapons. It was controlled by a voice recognition software but now that the Wallaces are dead...there is no one controlling it. That machine is present at the City of Light. "

"What do you mean?" Clarke asked a bit fearfully.

"You know what I mean, Clarke." He said gravely.

Clarke was lost for words for a few minutes but when she finally regained the ability to speak, her voice quivered. "Why were you there last night?"

"We need someone to be able to regain the control of the machine and we figured out that the boy and the girl who blew up our dams were our only chance. We were there to take them and blow up the rest of you." He sighed in defeat.

"Lies." Lexa spoke up, her voice sharp.

Clarke turned around, surprised. "Lexa, how...what...what are you doing here?"

Lexa shook her head, telling her that they can talk about it later.

"Clarke, you promised!" The man shouted frightfully.

"Tell me, how many of you are there?" Lexa said, unsheathing a dagger from her cloak and running it across the man's face.

"Enough to end you!" He replied defiantly.

"Answer me!" Lexa said, stabbing his right bicep.

"Aaagh. All. All of them have been captured."

"Lexa, he was the one who told us about their whereabouts." Clarke spoke slowly.

"Very well. I think he has outlived his usefulness then. It's time for him to suffer the wrath for attacking the Commander." Lexa said decisively.

"You said I would not be handed over to the Grounders!" The man said, looking at Clarke.

"And I will stick to my word." Clarke replied, bringing a relieved expression on his face.

"Clarke-" Lexa started.

"I, however, said nothing about me or the Sky People."

"Bellamy!" Clarke called out.

Bellamy came in immediately.

"Take him and tie him around a tree."

The man screamed as Bellamy, along with some guards, dragged him out.

"I was under the impression that you saw our ways as savage." Lexa said, not bothering to hide the surprise from her voice.

"I am flexible, just like I want you to be. I do not stick to my traditions like they are the word of God." Clarke replied.

Lexa looked away from Clarke at this.

"And why are you out of bed?" Clarke asked.

"You have stitched me up, now I see no reason to lie there all day. I am the Commander, I have my duties."

"One of which is to stay alive."

"Don't worry about me, Clarke. I am used to suffering." The Commander said coldly and made her way out, leaving a frowning Clarke.

Clarke watched with satisfaction as her people drew cuts into the man's body. She knew her people loved Bellamy and none had their sympathy towards the man tied around the tree, screaming. Clarke, who was of a forgiving nature, didn't feel any sympathy towards him either. He had made Clarke feel her belief, about the mountain men's blood on her hands, stronger; he had nearly killed her, had almost killed all of her and Lexa's people, had come close to kill Bellamy and he would have killed Lexa if it weren't for Octavia bringing her back. Most of all, he was a man working for revenge. Clarke knew, no matter what he said, they would never see eye to eye. Honestly, she also believed she couldn't, not after what he almost took away from her. Lexa.

The man lasted for about 4 hours before it became clear that he would die any second. Lexa, who was sitting on a chair and watching the whole scene, with her eyes occasionally slipping to Clarke's, nodded at her and Clarke moved forward with her pistol, pointed it at the almost dead man's forehead and pushed the trigger, ending his life.

"May you find peace with your son." She whispered.

Lexa was back in the hospital wing to retrieve one of her daggers, which had fallen out of her cloak; she didn't ask Indra about it as she knew the lesser Indra interacted with the Sky People, the better. Just as she was ready to go back to her camp, Bellamy entered.

"Commander, I wanted to thank you for saving my life. I am forever indebted to you." He came straight to the point. One rare Sky being, Lexa thought amusedly.

"No you are not. I did not do it for you." She said honestly.

Bellamy smiled. "I know but regardless you saved my life, so thank you."

Lexa nodded and Bellamy left.

Again she was ready to go when, this time, Abby stopped her.

"Honestly Commander, you could not wait only a day more?" Clear disapproval in her voice.

"I am the Commander. My presence is needed among my people."

"All right. Just let me have a look at your stitches please." Abby said, motioning for her to lie down. Lexa laid down, taking her cloak off. Then Abby raised her eyebrows in a silent question and Lexa nodded granting her permission as she moved her shirt up.

Abby expertly applied some white cream on the affected area and quickly covered her back with her shirt. A satisfied look on her face as she said, "It turns out you heal fast, Commander. Your stitches are in a quite good state and I can allow you free movement though I have a feeling you wouldn't have waited for me to allow it."

"I have Commander blood, Abigail." Lexa said proudly.

Abby just smiled.

"I wanted to thank you for what you did for me " Lexa said sincerely.

"You are welcome, Commander."

"I should leave now." Lexa said, getting up and putting on her cloak.

"I suggest you meet with my daughter before leaving."

Lexa halted in her tracks, thinking over Abby's words. She had to talk to Clarke about the alliance and what the mountain man had said anyway. She nodded and left for Clarke's bedroom.

The Sky People openly gazed at her as she walked towards Clarke's room; she was used to it and wasn't bothered in the slightest by it, but what bothered her was the whispering. Her people hardly ever dared to open their mouth in her presence and these people apparently found it difficult to close theirs. So eager to get away from them, Lexa went straight into Clarke's room without knocking. She frowned when she found it empty. Then she heard noises coming from a door inside Clarke's room. She could see it was slightly open and Lexa easily pushed it wide open with a kick, her hand ready to draw out her sword.

She wasn't sure what she expected to find, but Clarke soaking in a bathtub, her moist hair sticking against her back, her head resting against the rim, definitely was not what she had in mind.

"Lexa?" Clarke screeched, sinking deeper in the water to cover her exposed breasts. Lexa, on the contrary, did nothing to avert her gaze from Clarke's naked form.

"What do you need?" Clarke asked, bringing back Lexa's attention.

Lexa's cheeks turned red and she forgot all about the purpose she was here for, "I…need...I...I'll wait outside."

She didn't know why but she waited for Clarke's response to this and Clarke just stared at her in disbelief. Lexa couldn't control her eyes as they trailed Clarke's eyelashes and straight nose, to the stoop of her lips, where her eyes lingered and her throat started to feel dry. Her lips were glistering with water droplets and looked so very inviting but Lexa's eyes did not only stop there. She stalked one of the droplets falling from Clarke's lips to her chin and then traveling down her small neck reaching her...

"Lexa, I said you can wait outside." The amusement in Clarke's voice further turning the Commander's face red. She managed to look up at Clarke's face and nod.

Getting out of the washroom, she really didn't know what to do. Run off or wait for Clarke? She had fought numerous wars and she never had been afraid before but, in that moment, she was terrified. Terrified of her own actions. Just as she contemplated running away this once in her lifetime, Clarke emerged with nothing but a towel covering her naked body, Her long legs half-bare for the Commander's eyes to eagerly feast upon. Clarke moved towards the wide eyed Commander and started,

"That was..."

Lexa wasn't aware of when she crossed the gap between them or when she pushed the blonde to the wall. All she was aware of was Clarke's lips against hers. Lexa kissed her hungrily, with passion, with a fire that consumed Clarke. Clarke remained unresponsive in the beginning and Lexa, as soon as she realized this, tried to move back but Clarke's lips caught hers and then the fire started anew; Clarke, bringing Lexa's body closer to hers and Lexa feeling Clarke's hands on her hips, let out a shaky breath but kept kissing her. A growl escaped Lexa's throat as she felt Clarke's hips against hers. She had never felt this way before, so out of control, so free. She loved the feeling and when she felt Clarke's tongue brushed against her lips, she obediently parted them, giving the Sky Princess the access she required. Their tongues battled against each other, fighting for the upper hand. Lexa's hands found their way to Clarke's back and she pulled her closer, making her fully aware of the fact that only a towel was between Clarke's skin and Lexa's line of sight. This aroused the Commander to an unbelievable extent and she shuddered involuntarily. Clarke cut the kiss for air and Lexa's lips descended to Clarke's throat, to the crook of her neck, leaving a trail of kisses. Clarke moaned in pleasure above her and said, "Lexa" breathlessly.

The sound of her name uttered from Clarke's lips brought her back to Commander mode and she quickly backed away from the sinful temptation. She dared look up at the blonde beauty who had her eyes shut. After a few seconds, Clarke's eyes opened, confused.

"Clarke, I am so sorry." Lexa said apologetically.

"Why are you sorry?" Clarke asked, hurt.

Lexa felt moisture in her eyes and quickly walked out of Clarke's room saying, "I need to leave."

Clarke touched her swollen lips to confirm whether or not this was her imagination. It wasn't.


	11. Chapter 11

LOST – CHAPTER 11

It had been two days since the incident but Lexa hadn't shown her face to Camp Jaha nor had Clarke visited her, after all she was not the one who had run off. But then again she wasn't the one who had initiated the kiss, a small voice in her head spoke. She shook it off, as usual. Other than that, she had been quite busy at Camp Jaha. The day before she had shared with Bellamy the information the prisoner had supplied her and, after a fruitless discussion with him, they had decided on a council meeting today. Bellamy was her most trusted friend and leader. She knew he wanted to serve his people and would do anything for them and also knew what it was like to be a leader, to make the tough calls. She would've preferred to discuss it with someone who even knew this better than him but that hadn't been an option as per the recent circumstances. And that was why she had decided to first share it with him. The discussion, however, was fruitless because Bellamy believed that the prisoner must have been bluffing as it had been days since the mountain fell and no nuclear bomb had struck. According to him, if the system was free after the death of the Wallace bloodline then it shouldn't have any control whatsoever and would've released the destructive method at once. Clarke disagreed and argued that it must be time-set and that looked like the only possible reason for the mountain men to attack them. Bellamy insisted it was only for revenge.

"Hey. What's up? I heard you were looking for me but clearly I heard wrong as you are just sitting on a boulder and staring up at the sky." Raven's mind interrupted Clarke's musings.

"Hey. No, I actually was looking for you and then sometime during the search, I sat down over here and didn't realize that I had stopped looking."

Raven smiled and then sat down next to her friend. Silence followed them as they both gazed up at the sky.

"It's a nice view of the sky from here." Raven said dreamily.

"Do you miss it?" Clarke asked.

"What? The Ark?"

"Yeah."

"Yes and no. Life was easy there, we didn't need to care about anything as long as we didn't break any rules. We didn't need to be on our backs all the time in case someone attacked us. Nothing was complicated. It just was the easy way as compared to this. "

"Then why yes?" Clarke asked, turning her head towards Raven who was still looking at the sky.

"Living there had made us long for freedom. Made us long for Earth. Made us long for everything here. There was always a longing there, in that uncomplicated life. It was an incomplete life."

"You like the ground even after everything it has taken from you? From us?" Clarke whispered, turning her head back upwards towards the sky. Raven knew she was talking about Finn.

"Nah. It has taken from me a lot as well as it has given me. I think it as a trade."

"A trade?" Clarke questioned.

"I lost my only family here but also found you all. Earth has made me value life, value time, value peace. It has made me realize what living is and I love it for it."

Clarke nodded and waited for Raven to ask her opinion on the same question. She, though, wished she didn't because Clarke really didn't know the answer. To her surprise, Raven really didn't ask her anything.

A thought crossed her mind and she voiced it to Raven in a barely audible voice, "Do you think he would hate me now?"

"No." Raven answered without hesitation, which took Clarke aback.

Perplexed, she asked. "No? But I am falling for someone who basically signed his death sentence."

"That was a really good reason to hate the Commander in the beginning for me but as time passed, I realized she really was the one who allowed you to ease his suffering. I mean, as much as I've gone to know about the Commander, I am she sure would have thought of that happening, yet she let you do it. If there had been some Indra type Commander then we would have surely lost Finn and you as well on that night. Plus, Lexa didn't let his death go to waste."

Clarke sighed. "How can you be so fair about this? How can you not...hate her? Hate me?"

"Is this why you called me for Clarke?" Raven cut her off.

"Oh, no. I need you and Wick to be present at the council meeting today."

"Thanks for the offer but I really do prefer the back seat, princess."

"I know you do and I am not asking you to become a member of the council or to shoulder the burden of making decisions. I need you to be there for your science nerdness."

"Huh, in a council meeting? Want to electrocute your grounder girlfriend to make her your prisoner?" Raven winked.

"You wish." Clarke said, laughing.

"I don't but I am sure you do. You know all the things you can 'experiment' on her body once you have her as your captive. You could tie..."

"Shut up already, Raven." Clarke squealed, pushing her off the rock.

"Aww, look at the princess. All red!" Raven said, clapping her hands and getting up.

"Raven, go tell Wick about the meeting. I need you there in about half an hour."

"Half an hour? That's a little less time...I mean Wick's distracting and you know..."

"No, I don't and I never want to. Half an hour, Raven." Clarke cut her off and started walking away from her friend.

"Buzz kill." Clarke heard Raven mutter which made her chuckle.

When Clarke reached the gate, she stopped as she watched Lexa making her way towards it. She folded her arms waiting for the Commander.

"Clarke." Lexa greeted her.

Clarke nodded and motioned for the gate to be opened and watched as Lexa and Indra made their way in. Her eyes never left the Commander's. Both pairs of eyes were unreadable.

"What brings you here, Commander?"

"I want the prisoners to be handed over to me." Lexa said and, without waiting for Clarke's consent, started walking towards the prison room.

"No, Lexa." Clarke said fiercely but the Commander ignored her and kept walking. This new attitude of the Commander was starting to annoy Clarke.

Just as she was about to enter the building premises, Clarke increased her pace and stopped in front of Lexa making her halt.

"Clarke, I want the prisoners." Lexa said dryly and Indra unsheathed her sword.

"I can't let you have them." Clarke said, flicking her fingers, making all the guns point at Lexa.

Indra started to move closer to Clarke in retaliation but Lexa quickly raised her hand to halt her.

"What do you think you are doing?" Lexa asked, her nostrils flaring.

Clarke moved forward, invading her personal space to intimidate the Commander and show her that she couldn't boss Clarke around.

"Wrong question, Commander. You are in my camp, not the other way around."

"My people want the prisoners' blood. It's our way."

"Oh! Do they know why they need to 'avenge' the attack on their Commander? Do they know that their Commander was not the target? Do they know that she unnecessarily jumped in front of the bullet?" Clarke whispered angrily. She knew it was a low blow but Lexa's current mannerism was pissing her off.

Clarke saw in satisfaction as Lexa clenched her jaw. Good. You feel something.

Lexa moved back a few steps, her eyes never leaving Clarke's. She motioned for Indra to sheath her sword back in and Clarke ordered her guards to put the guns down.

Just as Lexa was about to leave, Abby came out from the infirmary with Kane, both unaware of the circumstances as they walked towards the new arrivals.

"Commander." Kane greeted, smiling. Lexa, though agitated, nodded at him.

"You should come to the council room. The meeting is just about to start."

"Marcus-"

"No, Clarke. I am totally on board with you on this. We are in alliance with the grounders and important external matters need to be discussed together. Whatever the prisoner told you must be important and should be discussed with our allies." Kane said, smiling, and though Clarke knew he was right, that still didn't stop her from wishing to knock out all his teeth at the moment.

"Of course, Marcus. But I think Indra just came here to tell that the Commander is needed back at their camp." Clarke said, gritting her teeth. Bellamy, sensing her discomfort and anger, moved a few steps closer, which didn't go unnoticed by the Commander and which made her say,

"It can wait. Now can we move?" Lexa said, looking at Clarke. A slightest twitch of the corner of her lips; the Commander was smirking, though subtly, at Clarke, which further angered Clarke.

"Please follow me." She heard her mom say.

Kane followed her, then went Bellamy and then Clarke who completely ignored the person behind her.

Once they were in the room, she sat at her usual seat, at the head of table, and Lexa obviously at the exact opposite to her, which meant she had no choice but to look at her directly.

"Are you all right, Clarke?" Her mom asked concerned.

"Fine."

Bellamy asked, "Where are Wi-"

"Shit. Are we late?" Came Raven's voice, cutting Bellamy and slamming the door hard.

"I said half an hour, Raven."

"Hey! Raven said one and a half." Wick said, taking a seat next to Kane as Raven took one next to Bellamy.

"Well hero, tell me if you regretted being late." Raven said, smirking.

"Well smart ass-"

"Ahem. Guys we are here for a meeting." Clarke said, trying her best not to appear amused.

"Right. So what do you boring council people need us 'the cool' people for?"

"We need your knowledge, Raven." Lexa spoke before Clarke even had the chance to open her mouth.

"Wow. The grounder party is here too." Raven said, winking at Clarke, making Lexa frown and Clarke throw daggers through her eyes at her friend.

"Right." Clarke said awkwardly.

"What did the prisoner tell you, Clarke?" Abby said, bringing everyone back to the real topic.

"He informed us why he and his fellows were here. And according to him, all the bombs weren't utilized 97 years ago. There is still a nuclear bomb in the City of Lights." Clarke stopped to let the information sink in.

"That's not a problem. We shouldn't let anybody know of it and just try and disable it. It really won't be a problem. It isn't in an active state so we tweak only a few things and the bomb will be useless." Wick said cockily.

"Yeah, about that...it isn't disabled."

"I am sorry, what?" Abby asked in disbelief.

Bellamy sighed audibly and explained. "According to the prisoner, the system was controlled by a voice recognition software and Mount Weather's President controlled it. Dante and then Cage respectively. However, as both of them are dead, the system is control free and, as it was programmed for bombing, there's only one thing we imagined that it will do."

"How long do we have?" Kane asked.

"I don't know but my guess is approximately 2 weeks. Such complex systems are usually programmed to stay down for a while before going to their 'self-operation' mode." Raven answered in a very serious tone.

"How much destruction can a nuclear bomb cause?" Lexa spoke for the first time and Clarke was surprised to find her voice so calm and normal. Then again she was surprised to be surprised.

"It can wipe out cities and cities in mere few minutes." Abby answered gravely.

Everyone remained silent for a while until Bellamy spoke up,

"I think it's a bluff."

"Maybe so but we can't take the risk." Lexa countered.

"No, we can't" Clarke agreed.

"So what do you think we should do? Walk in the valley of death without knowing for certain what we are dying for?" Bellamy rounded on Clarke.

"We die either way."

"Not if this was a ruse."

Clarke sighed. "Nothing is certain in this world, Bellamy. We need to take all these chances for our people."

"Princess's right, Bell. So you want us to blow the bomb in space?" Raven asked, her eyes glittering in anticipation.

"No, I want you to deactivate it."

"No blowing it? Aww, come on! What's the fun in that?" Raven whined.

"How do you expect to send it in space?" Lexa asked seriously.

"Ah...Commander, she is just kidding." Wick said.

"Am I?" Raven questioned.

Wick rolled his eyes and said. "Clarke, this is not going to be easy. Deactivating a bomb, nuclear bomb, ready to be launched any moment is...I don't even know if it's possible."

"I am sorry to put this on you, but there's no one else who can do it."

"We can't just-" Wick started.

"Of course we can." Raven quickly said.

"Really? How many times have you deactivated a nuclear bomb?" Wick questioned.

"How many times have we blown up turbines?"

Wick scratched his head as he said, "Fair enough."

"But we do need information, Clarke." Wick said seriously.

"I don't have any books or anything on bombs."

"You should come to Polis." Lexa spoke up.

"The capital?" Clarke couldn't help but ask for confirmation. Lexa nodded.

"I think it's a great offer. To visit the grounder capital before dying." Raven said.

Lexa felt her stoic mask falling as she felt a strong urge to roll her eyes. "No Raven. There are books in Polis which may help you gain the information you need." Lexa watched amusedly as she saw all of the Sky people's jaws drop. Clarke was the first to recover.

"Books, as in read, as in library?"

Lexa nodded.

"You know how to read?" She asked in disbelief.

Lexa again supplied a dip of her head.

"Great! When are we leaving?" Raven asked enthusiastically.

"Tomorrow morning will be fine." Lexa answered.

"Clarke, you should go with them." Bellamy said.

Clarke raised her eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because if this is true then it's the most important thing in our plate. We all trust your decision making and so, if such circumstance arises, we need you to be there with the Commander." The message was clear in his tone, he didn't trust the Commander and Clarke didn't really blame him. He was right. Lexa couldn't be trusted where her people were involved.

Kane and Abby readily agreed with the proposal and finally Clarke asked, "I hope that is not a problem, Commander."

"No, it isn't. Your visit to Polis was due anyway." Lexa replied, looking at Clarke.

No one really understood the meaning but Clarke obviously did. She was referring to her offer, before she had turned Clarke's world upside down.

Clarke had distracted her mind from thinking of the 'incident', as she had started to call it, but Lexa's reference brought her mind back to it. She opened her mouth to say something when Abby spoke up, reminding her that they weren't alone.

"It's settled then. Clarke and her friends will come to your camp tomorrow morning. Thank you for your cooperation, Commander." Kane said gratefully.

"I do what is best for my people, Marcus of the Sky people."

Marcus nodded and all the council members, along with Raven and Wick, started to move out. Just as Lexa was about to leave, Clarke grabbed her wrist, making her stop. She raised her eyes questionably but Clarke didn't give her any answer. Once all the others left the room, Clarke moved to shut the door and, without turning around, said,

"You kissed me."

"I know."

"That's all you have to say?" Clarke said, pivoting around.

"You pointed guns at me, today."

"After you tried to steal my prisoners. But we are not talking about that now. You kissed me." Clarke repeated.

"I had kissed you before as well, Clarke of the Sky people." Lexa said, trying to remain as impassive as possible.

"So you think I am just someone that you can kiss whenever you want to kiss? In fact, as far as I can remember, it was more than just kissing."

"Clarke, I was there."

"Stop dodging my question." Clarke said, moving closer to Lexa.

Lexa sighed and sat on the chair once again, hoping to place some hindrance to Clarke's advances.

"Our people don't show intimacy to others unless they have feelings for them."

A small smile started to appear on Clarke's face but was wiped out as Lexa said,

"But apparently that's not how it works among your people."

Clarke frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, Clarke. It obviously means nothing to you and your people." Lexa said tiredly, got up and started moving towards the door.

Clarke blocked her way again, for the second time today, and said, "No. Stop doing that."

"Walking away." Clarke answered the Commander's questioning gaze.

"I am not. I said what I had to say."

"But you didn't say what I wanted you to say."

"What is it that you want me to say, Clarke of the Sky people?" Lexa said, her eyes boring into Clarke's.

"I want you to tell me why you would back away from me, say I am 'sorry' after kissing me when I think you just implied that you do have feelings for me."

"You already know I do." Lexa said.

"I didn't ask you to confirm or deny it. One moment you save Bellamy for me, the next moment you kiss me senselessly and then you...you push me away like it didn't mean anything. Stop playing games with me, Lexa."

Lexa finally couldn't take it anymore. She answered in a voice full of emotions; pain being the most obvious one. "I am playing games, Clarke? I am? I am not the one who kissed Bellamy, told him I loved him, undertook the protection he offered, told him about the prisoner before telling any of the other council members and then...kissed someone else."

Clarke opened her mouth and then closed it. Opened it again and found that she was unable to speak. So she pushed Lexa to the wall. Hard. A finger poked Lexa's chest hard as Clarke said heatedly,

"You couldn't talk to me about this? How hard was it? Instead you just jump in front of Bellamy and take the damn bullet in my name?" Clarke was shouting now.

"Clarke, I owed you for the mountain. I left your people to die in there, I was just redeeming myself by saving the one you loved." Lexa said, no longer hiding behind her Commander's mask.

Clarke laughed a humorless laugh as she left the Commander by the wall and started pacing around the room, agitated.

"Redeeming yourself by breaking me apart?"

Lexa gave her a quizzical look and waited for Clarke to explain. But Clarke just pulled a chair, sat on it and put her head between her hands.

Lexa slowly walked towards Clarke and asked, "Clarke? Will you please explain."

"Lexa, I do love Bellamy but I am not in love with him. He has feelings for me, I don't." Clarke said, finally looking up.

Lexa's eyes widened in disbelief and she moved a step back. Clarke, on the other hand, got up and moved forward.

"I don't know why or when you got under my skin Lexa. And when I found out you did, it was too late. I could not just shake you off. I tried. You know I tried to hate you for what you did at Mount Weather but I failed. I know we are different and I tried to distance myself from you but I failed. I tried to breathe after you were shot but it was very difficult and I probably would have failed if you hadn't woken up. I...I love you, Lexa."

Lexa's hands moved forward as she rested them on Clarke's cheeks, and wiped away the tears Clarke hadn't realized had fallen.

"You don't want to love me, do you Clarke?" She asked softly.

"I do love you, Lexa." Clarke said.

"That is not my question." Lexa said in the same soft, velvety voice, making Clarke dizzy. Her thumb caressing Clarke's lips carefully, as if memorizing them, but her emerald green eyes never leaving Clarke's, searching for the answer.


	12. Chapter 12

LOST – CHAPTER 12

Clarke wanted to deny what Lexa said right away but something stopped her. What Lexa said was true, she had never wanted to love her. It just happened.

"I...Lexa, it doesn't matter. We can't control who we love." Clarke tried to reason with her.

Lexa smiled softly, hiding the hurt and pain she felt now knowing Clarke's answer. Perhaps she still thinks us as savages.

"It does matter Clarke. You shouldn't have to love someone you don't want to. You deserve better than that."

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but was stopped with the feather light brush of the Commander's lips against hers. This was so opposite to the previous passionate, hungry kiss she had shared with the woman in front of her that Clarke, once again, was surprised and hence unable to respond in time.

"Be there at my camp in the morning, Clarke of the Sky People. I will be waiting." Lexa whispered in Clarke's ear, making her shiver. Though, Lexa was disappointed by Clarke's answer, she nonetheless enjoyed the reaction Clarke showed. With a smirk on her face, the Commander left Camp Jaha.

...

It was decided that in addition to Raven and Kyle, Octavia would accompany Clarke to Polis, as she was the most well versed at speaking the grounder tongue as well as the most aware of the grounder customs among all the Sky People.

They reached the grounder camp at 10 o'clock in the morning (according to Clarke's watch) and were received by the ever brooding Indra.

"Sky People do not know what morning is?" She mocked.

Clarke frowned as she answered, "It is morning, Indra."

Indra barked a laugh before saying, "You people are so weak."

"Only physically." Her ex-second countered.

"Thank you for the pleasantries, but now can we go meet the Commander so we can leave this place?" Raven cut in.

Indra clenched her jaws as she said, "Follow me."

Once she reached the Commander's tent, she allowed only Clarke to enter.

"Good morning, Commander." Clarke greeted the woman who was sitting on the throne, playing with her knife.

"Clarke." Lexa said, putting her knife back in the belt attached to her pants.

"Did you have some problem at your camp?" Lexa asked, concerned, as she got up from her throne and walked towards Clarke.

"Umm...no. Why?" Asked a bewildered Clarke.

"I asked you to be here in the morning." Lexa replied as if stating the obvious.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "This time is morning according to us."

Lexa's eyes widened in disbelief and Clarke couldn't help but laugh at this.

Lexa observed the Sky Princess' laugh with a small twitch of her own lips. She had a beautiful, enchanting laugh.

Clarke, when finally recovered, looked at Lexa to find her gazing at her intensely.

"What?" Clarke asked.

"You have a beautiful laugh, Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa truthfully stated, as if telling Clarke about the weather. Clarke, on the other hand, felt her cheeks heat up and she mumbled awkwardly.

"Thanks, I guess."

Lexa nodded and asked, "Are Wick and Raven ready to leave?"

"Add Octavia with them."

"Any specific reason for her to come?" Lexa asked, putting on her shoulder guard.

"Do I need one?" Clarke asked defiantly.

Lexa stayed quiet but, after a while, replied, "No, you don't Skai Heda."

"Yeah...I think the title Heda only suits you. But thank you."

Lexa's eyes twinkled and it was clear that her lips were dying to twitch upwards, however, before this could happen, she started walking out of her tent knowing full well that Clarke would follow .

"Lexa, I actually do have a reason to take Octavia along." Clarke said, as she matched the Commander's pace.

"Yes?"

"She is the most well versed in Trigedasleng among us."

Lexa stopped walking and turned around to face Clarke. This time an actual smile formed on the Commander's lips as if enjoying some inside joke. Clarke narrowed her eyes at her quizzically and the Commander's smile faded from her lips, though her eyes showed that she was still amused. Clearing her throat, she asked in a firm voice, though a bit skeptically,

"And that is the only reason?"

"No. She is our best fighter." Clarke confessed.

Lexa dipped her head and said, "It is wise to have yourself protected."

"Lexa, I didn't mean any disrespect. I know you can protect me and I do trust you. I just don't trust..."

"The Commander." Lexa finished her sentence for her.

Clarke again opened her mouth to explain, "I meant..."

"Clarke, this is very wise of you. Now we shouldn't keep the others waiting." With that she was out.

...

The journey to Polis was longer than Clarke had expected. It took them nearly a day of non-stop riding to reach the city. Thus, by the time they reached it, the blonde could no longer feel her legs and her hips ached painfully, reminding her very much of their presence.

"I don't care if a nuclear bomb strikes any more as I will already be dead if we don't stop now." Raven finally said, agitated.

"We are almost there, Raven of the Sky People." The Commander responded in a patient voice, which was received with a huff from the woman who had complained.

Wick chucked as he said, "The great Raven Reyes, not so great anymore, huh?"

"You better sh-"

"Guys, look!" Octavia shouted excitedly, interrupting Raven.

Clarke, who had somehow tangled the reins around her hand and was now busy untangling it, looked up at this and her eyes lit up.

Finally the forest had cleared up and the signs of life of a city had started to appear. The path had become clear and there were little colored pebbles decorating the sides. As they moved farther, the main city came into their line of sight.

There were buildings of various sizes and shapes but, unlike Ton DC which was mostly made up of wood, the structures here were built of bricks and stones. It was impressive; very much like the images Clarke had seen in the books on the Ark. Sprawling miles on either side, a marble wall surrounded the city limits. Lexa, who was ahead all of them with Ryder at her side, raised her head proudly and Clarke smiled at the gesture. She had all the right to be proud of her city; after all, she was its builder, maintainer, sustainer.

The descent to the city was scary but everyone went on with it without complaint. After a few minutes, Lexa halted her horse in front of the gates and the Sky People followed her lead. There were guards posted on either side of the gate who, as soon as they saw the Commander, opened them wide open and bowed their heads in respect.

"Welcome, Commander."

Commander not Heda, Clarke observed.

Lexa nodded, dismounted from her horse and handed the reins to the guards. She gestured for the Sky People to do the same. Once again, Raven complained.

"Why can't we ride the horse inside? I can't feel my legs!"

"I wouldn't have asked you to dismount if it weren't necessary, Raven." Lexa said sharply, shutting up Raven quickly.

As they moved inside the city, people started gathering on the sides, chanting 'Heda, Heda' excitedly. People tried to reach Lexa from everywhere, touching her arm, smiling at her, showering her with presents...showing their gratitude. Four more guards had joined their squad and were leading them through the crowd.

"Wow. She's like a celebrity here." Wick's awe-filled voice reached Clarke's ear.

"Not a celebrity, a hero." Octavia corrected and Clarke silently agreed.

Clarke observed the people; they were in plain clothes, shirts and pants with fur wraps. Their skin was clean, ink free - free from killings. They were citizens, not warriors. Hardly any of them had those thin grounder warrior braids on them. They were just people - people free from pain and destruction.

Suddenly, Lexa stopped and Clarke bumped right into her. She frowned and looked up ahead to see the reason. Lexa was being embraced by a very old woman who Clarke deduced must have been in her 70s or 80s. The woman was sobbing as she hugged the Commander. Then Clarke heard her say, in a voice full of gratitude,

"You brought my son back to me, Commander. He was my only family and the mountain men had taken him from me. You brought him back. Thank you, thank you." She sobbed.

Clarke watched, fascinated, as Lexa brought those trembling hands to her lips and kiss them softly.

"You are my people, my responsibility. You have nothing to thank me for." Lexa said earnestly. This was a totally new side of the Commander and Clarke loved it. She briefly wondered how many layers there were to the young Commander; would she ever be able to see them all? Experience them all?

Clarke had never seen Lexa being praised so much and she was nothing if not humble about it.

She had only seen the respect her warriors showed to her but, as she had inferred, the people surrounding them were no warriors. However, they held equal esteem and love for the Commander as the warriors did, if not more.

Once again they were stopped, this time however, by a group of 3 young girls. They presented Lexa with a self-made bouquet of roses and beamed up when Lexa ruffled their hair in affection and thanked them. The Commander then waited for them to clear the way, but when they didn't, she asked them kindly,

"What is it, children?"

"Commander, we - who are these people? Is this girl with funny coloured hair your friend?"

Clarke chuckled despite herself and caught Lexa's eyes, which were shining with joy. It momentarily took Clarke's breath away. Lexa looked so much younger now as she was smiling openly and so very kindly at the young children.

"They are the Sky People and this girl is Clarke."

"The destroyer of the mountain?" The three girls squealed in excitement.

"Yes kiddo, she's the one." Came Raven's reply, her tone showing the impatience she was feeling.

Once the kids left the Commander's side, they again walked forward and finally reached their destination. The Great Commander's home; a palace.

There was a bridge they were required to cross to reach the place. In front of the building, there was a beautiful fountain with 7 sculptures. Lexa saw Clarke looking at them with interest and answered her unvoiced question,

"All the previous Commanders."

"Only 7?" Clarke asked curiously.

"No, 14 but they are at the back side of the building." Lexa responded impassively.

Clarke nodded as she followed Lexa inside her mansion. She could hear Octavia, Raven and Wick talk excitedly behind her.

She couldn't blame them - the place was indeed beautiful.

Once they were inside, Clarke took in her surroundings. The floor was made of marble and was decorated with patterns. Looking up, she found that an iron chandelier was chained up to the high ceiling, decorated with tiny flames who lit the whole area. Clarke's line of sight found a throne at the end of the room. It was very much like the throne of branches and vines Lexa had been sitting on the first time they met. However, it looked more comfortable with pure white soft fur covering its seat.

"Wow." Clarke breathed out and was rewarded with a chuckle from the usually stoic Commander. Clarke couldn't help but notice how open Lexa was here.

Suddenly, Clarke heard footsteps walking down the stair case that was situated on the other end of the room. She looked at Lexa from the periphery of her vision. She had a big smile on her face and her eyes were lit up. Now Clarke was beyond curious to know who this mysterious person was, that could bring such a positive reaction out of the Commander.

She was answered by a young woman jogging towards Lexa excitedly. She was very beautiful, Clarke had to admit. She had a well toned body, enchanting brown eyes, which matched the colour of her hair. Clarke clenched her fist as this mysterious woman who engulfed the Commander in a very informal, un-Commander as well as un-Lexa-like hug. What was most surprising and most frustrating for Clarke was that the Commander reciprocated the cordial gesture.

"Who is she?" Octavia whispered.

"No idea, but she is hot."

"Ahem. I think your boyfriend is standing next to you Raven." Wick reminded her.

"That doesn't mean I don't have eyes."

Clarke ignored them and waited for the clingy girl to leave Lexa. She did move back a bit but not a lot, still standing very close to the Commander and telling her how much she missed her. Clarke rolled her eyes at this. Stupid minions, she thought.

"I missed you too, Vera." Lexa said in a very fond voice and Clarke's eyes widened at the tone.

As she could take it no more, she cleared her throat to announce her presence.

"Oh, I am so sorry Lexa. You have guests. It's just really nice to see you after ages and honestly, a bit hard to believe so you need to excuse my absentmindedness today."

Lexa smiled (and Clarke inwardly groaned) then she moved towards the Sky People.

"This is Raven, Wick, Octavia and Clarke." Lexa said, her eyes resting on Clarke.

"The destroyer of the mountain, Clarke?" Vera asked, her eyes wide.

"No, just Clarke works fine." Clarke snapped.

"My apologies Clarke. I didn't know you had a problem with the title you are called by in Polis." Vera said sincerely.

Clarke ignored her, turned to Lexa and asked her, "You didn't introduce her to us, Lexa?"

"I was about to, Clarke of the Sky People; this is Vera, a good friend of mine."

"Yes, I can see." Clarke muttered under her breath.

"Did you say something, Clarke?" Lexa asked confused.

"No, nothing."

Lexa nodded and began asking Raven,

"Would you like to go to the libr-"

"No way! I can't feel my limbs. I need some rest first." Raven answered boldly.

Chuckling, Vera suggested, "Lexa, why don't you show Clarke her living quarters and I will do the same for others?"

"Where will Clarke be staying?" Octavia asked protectively.

"She will be staying on the top floor where the leaders stay." Lexa answered coldly.

"What if she doesn't want to stay there?" Octavia countered.

"Then that's her choice though I wouldn't recommend her that as it would look weak in the presence of my other generals."

"What other generals?" Clarke quickly spoke, stopping Octavia's probably heated response. She knew the girl was just doing so for her protection but Clarke had learnt that bodyguards were sometimes not enough for protection. Besides, she did trust Lexa as long as her people weren't involved.

"Whenever the Commander arrives at Polis, all the generals come here to report to the Commander in two days." Vera answered Clarke and Lexa nodded.

"But-" Octavia started.

"No, it's fine O." Clarke said, squeezing Octavia's shoulder and making her look in the eye.

She knew her message was conveyed as Octavia nodded. Octavia, after all, knew firsthand about grounders and their concept of weakness.

"Great, now that's settled can we please go?" Raven asked in an annoyed tone.

Vera dipped her head and gestured the Sky People, except their leader, to follow her.

Once they were gone, Clarke followed Lexa upstairs. The stairs were not very fashionable but clearly strong. Clarke watched Lexa move expertly through the place, through the first floor and now the second; the whole place was decorated with hard carved pieces, some lining the wall, some sitting on various shelves and small tables. And after a few more turns, the Commander finally stopped. She then opened up a wooden door and said, "This is where you will be staying, Clarke."

Clarke moved passed Lexa, their shoulders brushing lightly, and entered the room. It was a large room lit by the sun rays entering through the two large windows at the East side of the room. The bed was placed in the centre and it was larger than any bed Clarke had seen. The head was decorated with obviously handmade carvings and Clarke itched to touch the delicate work. It was covered with soft blankets probably made from the softest furs, as even from distance, Clarke could see how very comfortable it seemed.

There was an office table with a chair on the opposite side of the bed's head which had paper, a feather and ink of some sort. Clarke circled it and touched the carvings on the chair in awe. Then she looked to her left to find a glass door shielding the small balcony attached with her room. There was another door to her right, which she presumed was the washroom. All in all, the room was perfect.

"I will have some clothes sent to you and your friends, so you do not have to worry about it while you're here, working how to destroy the bomb." Lexa said, standing in the doorway, as she watched Clarke wander around the room.

"Thank you, Lexa."

Lexa nodded and said, "Rest Clarke."

Just as she was about to leave, Clarke stopped her, asking, "Where is your room, Lexa?"

Clarke saw, fascinated, as the Commander's cheek turned slightly pink before she answered, "The door opposite to yours is where I sleep."

"Oh, cool. I am living opposite to the great Commander." Clarke said smiling, trying to bring the Commander at ease. This earned her a twitch of lips from her.

Lexa tried to leave but Clarke stopped her again asking,

"Who is Vera, Lexa?"

"She is my friend." Lexa repeated her earlier statement.

"How?" Clarke asked unable to stop herself.

"How are you and Raven friends, Clarke?" Lexa countered.

"I - No, no. I just meant you...I didn't know you had friends." Clarke mumbled.

Lexa now grabbed the door's handle and turned around.

"How did you become friends?" Clarke finally found the right question and Lexa wondered why Clarke was so interested in Vera.

"She was Anya's second too." Lexa said quietly, before shutting the door.

Once she was gone, Clarke threw herself on the bed and, as she had predicted, it was really comfortable. However, sleep didn't come to Clarke as swiftly as she had thought it would. She couldn't stop feeling jealous of the relation Vera had with the Commander. Knowing that Vera and Lexa had trained together, shared a mentor, shared defeats and victories did nothing to make her feel any better. She sighed and mentally scolded herself for thinking about such things when there was a much more important matter at hand. She really hoped the books in Polis would help Wick and Raven to stop the bomb, otherwise they were all doomed and Vera would be the least of her problems.

When Clarke woke up again, she felt well rested and fresh. A look at her watch told her that she had slept for 3 hours but, as no one had bothered her sleep, she presumed that her friends were still not ready to get to work. She moved around her room a bit, took a shower and changed into the clothes that had been provided to her. They were pants with a lot of pockets and a tunic longer in length than the shirts she wore - grounder clothes. Brushing her hair with the wooden comb she had found in the washroom, she left her room.

Now that she was out of her room, she wondered where to go. She wanted to look around the palace but the one place she really wanted to look at was Lexa's room. She wanted to know more about Lexa, about who was behind the Commander's mask. She stared at the door in front on her for quite some time before finally knocking. As soon as she had performed the action, she regretted it. What if Lexa was sleeping?

Her doubts vanished when she heard the woman say, "Enter."

Clarke poked her head in and said, "Hey", chewing her lips.

"Clarke." Lexa greeted, turning around from the balcony where she was standing and enjoying the view. She smiled and motioned for Clarke to come inside. Clarke looked at the Commander and realized she was only wearing a green shirt with a pair of black pants. Somehow, the green shirt made the Commander's eyes look greener and the sun rays, reaching her eyes from the sides, made the green look so vibrant, so full of life.

Clarke gulped, entered the room and, as she took in her surrounding, couldn't help but gasp. The room was larger than Clarke's and much more filled. She quickly took it all in, in one glance. There was a huge bookshelf with various books that covered a whole wall of the room. Different carved animals were also pinned on the wall.

However, what caught Clarke's attention was a list of names on a small portion of the wall next to Lexa's bed, which was exactly like Clarke's. Clarke moved and read the different names. From her periphery, she watched the Commander move towards the bookshelf and touch absentmindedly covers of books. It was clear to her that the Commander was trying to avoid Clarke's gaze in case she decided to turn around. This brought her to the conclusion that whoever those names belonged to, she shouldn't ask. It was up to the Commander to tell her about them...if she wanted to.

Just as she was about to move from her place, she heard Lexa whisper.

"The people whose spirit I have released."

"You learned their names and wrote them down." Clarke said in a matter of fact voice, no judgment involved.

Lexa slowly dipped her head.

Clarke slowly walked towards Lexa, and stood behind her. She watched as the Commander's hand delicately brushed against the books and Clarke raised hers to do the same. She stopped as her fingers brushed with the Commander's and watched as Lexa realized their proximity. She subtly tried to move back but only collided with Clarke's front in the process. Lexa's breath hitched as she felt Clarke's breath on her neck. Her raspy voice reached her ear, "I didn't know you knew how to read, Commander."

"Sh-should I be offended, Clarke?" She stumbled on her words for the first time in forever and knew Clarke was smirking as she said,

"You never told me that Lexa, even though we had been alone a few times." Clarke replied, her hands touching Lexa's shoulders now and slowly moving down.

And Lexa got it then, Clarke wanted her to surrender. That Clarke thought what she was doing was wrong, that wanting to love someone wasn't necessary for love. She didn't understand how wrong she was, Lexa thought. Because of all her musings, Lexa had remained quiet for quite some time, which Clarke took advantage of to press their bodies together further, her arms hovering over Lexa's waist ready to be placed on them.

However, now that Lexa had been able to clear her head, she gracefully moved to the side and freed herself from the tempting heat of the other body in the room. She already missed it.

Clarke's face dropped as she realized she's been caught and wouldn't be able to peruse her plans. She wanted to complain but knew she shouldn't, so instead asked her, "Do all of your people know how to read then?"

"Hardly any of them do." Responded the Commander.

"So only the Commanders?"

"No. It wasn't part of my Commander training."

"Then how d-"

"Costia."

"She liked reading?" Clarke asks in a very careful tone.

"Loved it. She spent her days in the library, crouched over some book." Lexa supplied with a small smile adorning her face and this smile was what encouraged Clarke to ask this,

"Would you like to tell me about her?"

A heavy silence greeted her words and she thought she might've made a mistake asking the Commander such a personal question.

Finally, Lexa sighed and said, "I haven't talked about her to anyone."

Clarke nodded in understanding. "I know. But do you need to?"

Lexa shook her head and said in a remorseful voice, "It just brings pain."

"That's because you only try to remember the painful parts."

Lexa sat on her bed and Clarke followed suit, sitting at her side shoulder to shoulder. Silence followed them until Lexa finally spoke up,

"She was the daughter of the Desert clan's general. It was my second year as Commander and I was trying hard to convince other clans to join the coalition, telling them it was the only way to survive. I had visited the Desert clans several times and her father was half convinced with my proposition.

After about five months of preaching my ideals, I decided to finally check my success and called all the Hedas to Polis for a meeting. I met her in that meeting as her father could not perform the journey to Polis; she was representing the Desert clan. I remember thinking that she must be remarkable for Malakoff to trust her with his lands and I am glad to say I wasn't disappointed. She had a brilliant mind and was so optimistic, so peace-loving." Lexa paused and cleared her throat, which had become thick with emotions. Clarke took Lexa's hand and rubbed soothing circles on it, smiling and encouraging her to continue.

"She was the first one who agreed to join the coalition and that was the first time I properly looked at her and there was something about her that attracted me towards her. It wasn't just her beauty but...our similar natures. She was the only one in front of whom I actually felt nervous, because I wanted to be perfect in front of her; I was young. I didn't know it was impossible then. We only talked about the coalition the first time she visited Polis but as her visits increased, so did our friendship and my likeness towards her. I would find time for her, to talk to her, to just be with her. And as it turned out, I usually found her in the library. She had a very intense look while reading and this is what prompted me to ask her to teach me how to read. And teach me she did." Lexa smiled, lost in some far away memory.

"When did you finally confess your feelings towards her?"

Lexa chuckled at this. "I didn't, she did. She kissed me right after I formed the coalition between the 12 clans."

Clarke smiled, thinking about Lexa being shy.

"You seem to have had a beautiful relation with her. Was she a warrior too or a leader or both like you?"

"No, no, no. Costia hated fighting. She wasn't the one to rule either, she just was happy supporting me. Bandaging me up after a bad day, fixing me up. She used to be my strength." Lexa said, closing her eyes and Clarke watched a single tear drop roll down her cheeks. She looked so vulnerable at the moment, so small, so human.

"Her death made me weak." She said after a while, her eyes hiding away all the emotions and vulnerabilities again.

"No, Lexa. It made you strong. Love makes one strong. She shaped you up. Her death did too." Clarke said, shrugging.

Lexa turned her head to stare at the clear blue eyes.

"Her death made you understand the tough decisions you need to make as a leader. Not only yours but her ideals for a peaceful world made you stand by the coalition and not destroy yourself. She would have been proud."

Clarke was surprised when the Commander leaned in, pressed her lips to her cheek and whispered, "Thank you, Clarke."

"You are welcome, Lexa."

Lexa opened her mouth to say something when there was a knock on her door.

"Enter."

"Lex, feast has been prepared for the Sky People and I have called them. If you both are free then please join us."

"Thank you, Vera. We will following you in a moment."

Vera nodded and left.

"Clarke?" Lexa said, standing in the doorway.

"Oh, yes, yes. I am coming." Clarke said, dismissing the thought that Vera had actually called Lexa with a nickname.

They walked down the staircase and stopped at the first floor, then Lexa led Clarke to the great hall but, before entering, halted for a bit.

"Clarke?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Our clothes suit you." With that she nudged Clarke in and followed after her.


	13. Chapter 13

LOST – CHAPTER 13

The dining hall was marvellous just as Clarke had expected. There was a huge wooden table with 12 chairs, 4 of which were occupied by her friends and Vera. The chair at the head of the table was obviously left for the Commander. As Lexa made her way to her chair, she instructed Clarke to take the one at her side without any verbal communication. Vera was sitting on the other side of the Commander, beside her Octavia. Next to Clarke was Raven who was busy arguing over something with Wick, who had obviously taken the chair next to her.

Clarke, after noting the sitting arrangement, took a look at the food which the servers were lining on the table. Her jaw dropped; there were just so many kinds of food. She hardly knew any. So she picked up what looked familiar first.

"You know how to bake bread?" She asked Lexa.

"I assure you, she doesn't." Vera replied cheekily.

Lexa glared at her and Vera rolled her eyes.

"Bread is one of our main food courses, Clarke."

"Really? Do you have ovens?" Octavia joined in the conversation.

"No. Those were destroyed during the World War."

Octavia gave her a puzzled look.

"The Commander likes to read books written before the war." Vera answered Octavia's unanswered question.

"So how do you make them without ovens?" Clarke asked.

"I'll show you sometime." Lexa said.

"Mmmm. What is this? It's so sweet and tasty." Octavia moaned in pleasure.

"Pastry. It actually has a very rich history."

"Yeah?"

"It has been a favourite of almost all our Commanders, so there were some who rewarded generously the ones who invented new kinds of pastries."

"Wow. Heda, do you like pastries?"

Clarke eyed her curiously as she nodded slowly.

"It probably has something to do with the Commander's spirit." Clarke teased.

"You should try the fish, guys. I swear to God, it's the best thing I've ever had." Raven intervened.

The Sky People commented on each and every dish they tasted, leaving an amused Lexa and Vera. Lexa, though, was happy that she could provide Clarke even with this momentary happiness. She liked a smiling face on the blonde.

As soon as lunch was over, Lexa got up and asked the Sky People to follow her. They followed the Commander as she moved around the palace.

"This place is huge!" Wick exclaimed.

"When was it built?" Clarke asked.

"This used to be the headquarters of the Department of Defense before the nuclear war." Lexa replied.

"Wow. This was 'the Pentagon!' ". Octavia said excitedly.

"You are right. This does have a pentagonal shape now that I think about it. Wow, this is just so cool." Raven chimed in.

Lexa nodded in acknowledgement but kept on walking. Clarke now looked at the walls of the building with different eyes. She thought, this must be the place where all those horrible decisions were made. Where people decided the fate of other people. Where people protected the ones they loved and destroyed their enemies. This was where it all started. A shiver went down her body just thinking about it.

She was so busy thinking about it all, trying to picture it all, that she didn't realise they had reached their destination and thus, gave a questioning look to Lexa when she stopped. Lexa pried open the chestnut coloured door and moved to the left, about to allow the Sky People in. But Lexa didn't need to waste her breath as Raven pushed past everyone and entered the room.

"OH MY GOD! So many books!"

And in she went, leaving a dumbfounded Commander. No one had ever dared enter the room without her permission in her presence. She wanted to tell Raven that when she felt a light brush at her shoulder as Clarke went in, followed by Wick. Octavia, who was the last one standing outside the room, at least looked at her for permission before entering and Lexa nodded.

"Merlin's beard!"

Clarke said out loud, the words echoed in the room that was full of cold air and books. Books everywhere! Each wall was armed with a huge shelf with many shelves in between as well. It was barely possible to see the paintwork on the walls. There were all different styles and sizes of lettering on the spines of black, blue, red… every coloured books. It was one of the most magnificent things Clarke had ever laid eyes on.

With wonder, she smiled.

She knew she was grinning like an idiot and tried to wipe off the smile, however, she realized instantly that it was a pointless thing. She could feel the eyes of the Commander travelling down her body and when she looked at her, they rested on her face.

The others had long vanished into different departments of the library, leaving the place where she was standing more silent than she ever thought possible. It extended like an elastic, tight and uncomfortable. She finally broke it.

"Can I?"

Lexa nodded.

Gradually, Clarke took a few steps to the shelf on her right. The distance decreased, decreased even more, until she could touch the books raising her hand. She ran the back of her hand along the first shelf, listening to the shuffle of her fingernails gliding across the spinal cord of each book. It sounded like a musical tone. She used both hands. She raced them, row after row. One shelf against the other; opposite to one another. And she laughed. Her voice was high pitched, full of joy, ringing in the area. She eventually stopped and stood in front of a book.

How many books had she managed to touch and how many were left behind? She wanted to do that again but heard soft footsteps behind her as the Commander approached her, reminding her of her presence. Clarke didn't run to another shelf. She just ran her hands through a compartment of the shelf in front of her. This time she felt the books through her palm. Several times she almost pulled a title from its place but didn't dare disturb them. They were too perfect. Too dreamlike.

Suddenly she felt the Commander's voice tickle her ear as she said,

"Go on."

"I don't know which one to pick." She said, ecstatic, her hand hovering hesitantly, traveling back and forth, over several titles.

Lexa laughed. Actually laughed.

Surprised, Clarke turned around. Little did she know how close she was to the Commander. Thus when she faced the Commander, her nose bumped into hers. Clarke gulped, realizing their proximity, and Lexa immediately stopped laughing. Her green eyes bore into the blue ones. She felt something move in her stomach as she observed Clarke's eyes drooping down to her lips. Lexa's eyes reciprocated the gesture and were met with Clarke's tongue wettingherown lips. Lexa tried to recall the reason why she had backed off the blonde in the first place. Why being with her wasn't a good idea. But in that moment, she seemed to be suffering from a memory loss. Her hands moved from their sides to cup Clarke's cheeks-

"Clarke! Come here, we've found some useful material!"

Raven's voice broke the trance and Lexa immediately moved back. Clarke, on the other hand, wasn't so quick to recover and her eyes were still glued to the Commander's lips.

"Clarke, I think we should go and see what they've found." Lexa said, clearing her throat.

"Huh? Oh, yeah yeah. I was just going." Clarke mumbled as she moved towards where she presumed Raven was.

"No Clarke. She is on the left side."

Clarke knew what a skilled hunter Lexa was so she didn't question her judgment, instead followed her and soon enough was met with her friends. Raven and Octavia were huddled over a book while Wick had another. Clarke moved to look at what Wick had found.

"It says here that if we have some record of the voice, we can modify it and make it command the machine." Clarke summarized, after reading a paragraph.

"Duh. But the Wallace didn't really send us welcome video messages or Christmas greeting voice messages." Raven said sarcastically.

"Didn't they have video recording machines installed in ?" Lexa asked.

"They did...Do you think we could have tapes of them over there?"

"Too late, princess. All the surveillance machines destroy the data after 60 days unless stored." Wick said, shaking his head.

"But I am sure they would've recorded something; some family video? Some party? Something with their voice on it." Octavia pointed out.

"Yes, Octavia is actually right." Raven said, closing the book she was reading with a thud.

"Why do you sound so surprised about it?" Octavia murmured and Raven rolled her eyes.

Clarke clapped excitedly, "Great. So we ride to Mount Weather tomorrow and get the-"

"Ladies, didn't you listen? We need to modify the voice. We don't have a software for that."

"Can't you create one?" Octavia asked.

"Sure I can, in a year or so." Wick said sarcastically.

Clarke waited for Raven to tease him and inform them of how much less time she'd require but when she didn't, Clarke sighed and said,

"Okay. Let's just keep digging. We will find something."

"Hey, I think I found something." Octavia's voice reached Clarke's ears after hours of silence.

"If a machine is damaged and then injected with a virus, it will lose its internal memory and be rendered useless until data is re-fed to it." Octavia read.

"It's a machine of destruction, I cannot allow you to damage it when you are not sure of the consequences. I cannot have it bomb down my people because of a mistake." Lexa harshly said and glared at Octavia.

"Commander, it will not only finish off your people but the entire human race. None of us want that. We are just discussing our possibilities here." Clarke spoke reasonably.

Lexa nodded and stopped eyeing Octavia menacingly.

"Raven, the machine has got to communicate with the silos. If we cut the connection or actually, as it probably uses wireless signals, we can smash the transmitter. No transmitter, no signals sent, no commands given." Wick said animatedly.

"You are right! We will just need to disable the transmitter but-"

"But what now?" Wick asked impatiently.

"I think the machine already has transmitted signals and set the bomb on time."

"Set on time?" Octavia asked confused.

"Like a time bomb, already activated, commands already transmitted."

"No, that's just not possible." Wick said, shaking his head in denial.

"We both know it is."

Wick moved to Raven and glared at her as if this was all her fault.

Clarke cleared her throat, "Guys, keep it together. We will find something. We will fix this. I know we can."

Octavia nodded encouragingly. Wick slowly backed away from Raven. It was clear he was under a lot of stress.

"I think we should continue this tomorrow with fresh minds. It's nearly 9pm anyway." Clarke said.

"Wow. I didn't realize we've been here for so long. No wonder Wick's become so cranky then," Raven said, murmuring the last part.

Lexa heard a knock on her door.

"Enter."

Clarke entered her room, gave a look at the untouched plate of food on the table and made her way to the balcony, where Lexa was standing.

They stood side by side but remained silent, both staring at the moon.

"Do you think they will be able to stop the machine, Clarke of the Sky People?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I never do." Clarke said, without turning.

Lexa, however, turned to Clarke at this.

"I never thought I would survive my 18th birthday, I never thought I would be sent to Earth and I never expected to survive here on Earth, when I still don't really know how... but I did,my people did, but I didn't know we would."

Lexa silently took in Clarke's silhouette in the moonlight. Her blonde hair were free from pins or ties. They rustled with the wind and the moonlight made it glow. The exposed skin of her arms and neck also glowed in the silver light. She was breathtaking. Slowly, Clarke turned to face Lexa and Lexa nearly forgot how to breath, looking into those beautiful bright blue eyes.

"Why did you think you wouldn't survive your 18th birthday, Clarke?" She heard herself ask.

"Because it was supposed to be the day I died." She whispered.

Lexa instinctively tucked Clarke's hair behind her ears as a gust of wind blew, bringing them on her face. Clarke waited expectantly for Lexa to ask her about the story but she didn't.

"I am glad you didn't." She just said and turned back around to the railing.

"My generals will be coming tomorrow. They all want to meet you, Clarke."

Clarke laughed a harsh laugh, "Of course they do. I am 'the destroyer' after all."

Lexa wasn't going to lie to Clarke. She didn't say anything.

"So I know I met all the generals when you announced the alliance between our people but I will be honest, I really didn't pay attention to the generals at the time. Though, I, of course, know the Ice Queen. Butwhich clans do your generals Jared and Michael belong to?"

Lexa was impressed that Clarke even remembered their names as Lexa knew very well what state of mind Clarke was in during those days. However, she didn't bring it up.

"Jared is from the Stone clan and Michael from the Wolf clan. You haven't met Luna from the Boat clan as she was absent from the meeting. Then there are generals from the Harvest clan, the Wind Clan, the-"

Clarke cut her off.

"I see, a lot of clans. Are they different from the Trikru?"

Lexa smiled a little before answering, "Did you find the people of Polis different from the Trikru, Clarke?"

Clarke nodded.

"Same goes for the other clans. We are all different."

"They only use English here." Clarke said it as a statement.

Lexa regardless confirmed it with a nod. "Trigedasleng is only for the Tree people."

"How did you unite them then, all the clans, I mean when they are all different?"

"Destroying mountain men was our common goal."

"But now that the mountain is gone, will they listen to you?"

Lexa took a moment to contemplate this, "They have gotten used to the luxury of peace between the clans and no one amongst them will be able to keep peace without me as their leader. However, they are curious about another leader they haven't metyet who might have the power to replace me."

"They would want me to overthrow you?" Clarke asked surprised.

Lexa dipped her head.

"But that's insane!" Clarke protested.

"This is how leadership works, Clarke. My generals are not happy about their losses in Ton DC." Lexa said impassively.

"I am just as responsible as you for that!" Clarke said heatedly.

"I was responsible for my people that died there Clarke, not you."

"But you did it for the greater good! You said it yourself." Clarke continued in the same frustrated tone.

Lexa didn't respond anything to this.

"Lexa, I saw the people when we came here. You brought back their family to them. They love you." Clarke said softly.

Lexa smiled, this time the smile reaching her eyes. And they twinkled but soon, they hardened, "The generals don't agree with them."

"What about the Commander's spirit and all that?"

"No one can replace me while I am alive, Clarke."

"They will kill you?" Clarke shouted, outraged.

"If they must."Lexa said emotionlessly.

"What? That's ridiculous! The spirit will just travel, no?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"My soul needs to be bonded with another's for that to happen."

"Umm...you have to marry a guy and have an offspring?" Clarke asked, feeling awkward.

"No Clarke, my soul has to be bonded with anyone. Not necessarily a man."

"Okay then, I just need to say that your generals are idiots if they think they can have anyone better than you to lead them and that certainly is not me."

Silence followed between them until Clarke asked,

"You have all these books, then why do you live like this? Without all the machines that could actually make your life easier?"

Lexa took in a deep breath before answering.

"Technology is what destroyed the old world, Clarke."

"But you do not hate technology. We formed an alliance because of it." Clarke argued.

"No, I don't. But my people do."

"Do you want thatto change?"

"No. I don't want them to become obsessed with it and repeat History. I value life and peace, even if I have to give up comforts for it, Clarke of the Sky People."

"Fair point. Anyhow, why is your food still untouched?"

Lexa ignored Clarke and kept staring at the sky.

"Lexa, eat please. What's the point of tiring yourself over something you have no control over?" Clarke asked and pulled Lexa's arm to turn her around and face her.

"This is the first battle I don't have any plans for." Lexa confessed in a small voice.

"Plans don't last very long in battles, remember?"

Lexa's eyes shined in recognition.

"You remember?"

Clarke dipped her head and dragged the Commander to the table and, pulling out a chair, made the Commander sit.

Then she poured a glass of water for Lexa, brought the plate of food in front of her, all the while green eyes trailing her each and every movement.

"There. Now eat. I'll go and catch some sleep."

Lexa remained impassive, just staring at the blonde.

Clarke got up to leave but stopped by the door, "You are showing me around the city tomorrow, Commander."

As Clarke left, Lexa couldn't help but be amused by her last command. Clarke might show her respect in front of her generals and her people, but in private she treated her like a friend, like a playmate. Somehow, Lexa couldn't find it in herself to hold it against the blonde.

Smiling, Lexa started eating. Clarke clearly had a way with words just like how a leader is supposed to have. She had seen her get through her panic stricken group in the library and was even able to break through Lexa. Lexa hardly ever listened to anyone's wishes or commands, even before she became the Commander, but the Sky girl was a different case. Something about her made Lexa listen, though grudgingly.

After about an hour, when Lexa was sure everyone was asleep, she grabbed a heavy bag lying next to her bed, in the corner of the room, sheathed her sword, hung it with her belt, covered her face with a scarf and left the palace quietly.

Clarke threw herself on her bed and stared at the blank ceiling, thinking. She already hated the generals for what they wanted. Lexa didn't deserve it after everything she had sacrificed for her people. And to think that Clarke would take up Lexa's position after they murdered her was just outrageous. If that happened she would take the position just to kill each and every one of those ungrateful generals, Clarke thought. She shook her head. She was thinking about something that would never happen, she reassured herself. The generals would soon find out that she wasn't interested in their mad plans. What she needed to focus on right now was the stupid, pain in the ass, out of control machine. She groaned. Would she ever experience real peace? Both Mentally and physical peace? Probably not but she had to fix this for those who could have it. For her people.

Clarke tried closing her eyes to drift off into the land of unconsciousness but failed to do so. Somehow her mind wandered to the long list of names on Lexa's wall. She tried to imagine how Lexaacquired the names of her victims then wrote them down on the wall, to mourn them, to hate herself for it, to punish herself. She tried to imagine the tears that leaked from the Commander's eyes as she looked at the names and felt a pang in her own heart. With leadership comes sacrifices. She wondered if writing those names made her feel better because Clarke, despite now accepting the fact that she had no choice but to kill the mountain men, still hated herself for it. Still felt drowned in their blood. She still felt haunted by them from time to time. She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to find a comfortable position so that somehow sleep would invade her but this didn't happen. When her dad's watch beeped, she looked at it and read it was midnight.

Finally giving up trying to sleep, Clarke got up from her bed and opened her door. She thought a midnight stroll might be a good idea and made her way to the grounds. But once she reached the outside, she didn't stroll, rather sat by the fountain, observing it. She brought her hand in front herself to touch the water; it was chilly. She gasped and pulled her hand back. Silently observing it seemed to be the best choice. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a shadow by one of the statues of the Commanders. She thought she imagined it at first but then she saw it marching in a very rapid pace. Curiosity got the better of her as she followed it, though by keeping a lot of distance because she knew how well developed the grounders hearing ability was.

The unknown person stopped in front of a very old house. Then they knocked at the door discreetly. Clarke tried to peak in to see the stranger's face but failed because of the cloth covering their face. Clarke held her breath as the door finally opened and a lady appeared. She looked like she was in her mid-thirties and had a welcoming smile on her face.

The stranger handed over the bag they were carrying to the lady and said something that Clarke failed to hear. She dared to move a few steps closer to the women, inwardly thanking Lexa for all her training. Finally she was able to hear them.

"...yes, yes. They've been waiting for you. They will be very happy with all these but why don't you ever keep these with you? People give it to you out of love." She heard the woman say.

"I respect that but I don't need them. these children however will surely love them. Are they asleep?" A very familiar voice asked, and Clarke's eyes widened.

"Of course not. As soon as they heard you were back they've been waiting impatiently for you to visit them. They missed you, Commander."

"And I them."

With that the older woman moved and Clarke gasped as nearly a dozen children came to hug the Commander. All of them smiling at her. Some were dressed up like her and even had the war paint on. Clarke laughed out loud but was sure Lexa wouldn't be able to hear her thanks to all the laughter and joyful noise around her. Then she watched amusedly as the Commander unsheathed her wooden sword and started to play with them and teach them some useful moves at the same time. The moment was so perfect that Clarke wanted to commit it to her memory for ever. After watching the scene for nearly an hour long, she made her way back to the room she was given.

Once she reached there, she took out her sketchbook and pencil from her little orange bag that she had brought to Polis. She found a blank page and went to Lexa's room to draw. Somehow, she felt she'd be able to draw Lexa better in her own room, surrounded by her scent.

The sky had began to change colour from deep black to grey by the time the Commander came back to the palace. She jogged straight up to her room, with a broad grin on her face. She didn't even try to hide it as she knew she was alone. Once she reached her room, she took off her cloak, her scarf and slowly started making her way to her bed but her eyes fell on her desk and she turned halfway around. She had left the candles burning and wasn't surprised to find them in the same state. However, she gave another look to her desk and was sure that the things on them had been messed up. Her maps were placed on the right side on the desk though she was sure she had placed them on the left. The candle stand was sitting on the top centre on the table while she hadn't left it there either. She grabbed the hilt of her real sword and made her way to the bed. She was sure the intruder was laying there now that she really looked at it; the sheets were ruffled and not hanging properly. However once she reached the bed, the deadly look, which had taken over her features, turned into an amused one. Clarke, the leader of the Sky People, the beautiful blonde, was peacefully sleeping in her bed with her mouth hanging slightly open and drooling. Lexa was thoroughly exhausted after the long day and night but she couldn't find it in her to wake up the other woman. Clarke was sprawled diagonally on her bed, hence leaving no space for anyone else. The Commander stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do with her sleepy self now. Finally she came up with a solution and thought of taking the extra pillow, placing it on the floor and sleeping there. The pillow was next to Clarke's head. She put her sword away, moved back to bed and bent over to take the pillow,all the while trying her best not to look at the girl under her. She succeeded in grabbing the pillow but as she picked it up, she saw a notebook under it. Curious, she picked it up in the same swift motion. Lexa folded her legs and sat like a cat at the edge of the bed as she opened the book.

She saw a beautiful picture of the sky on the very first page. Clarke had managed to capture the beauty of an early morning sky. Lexa didn't know where she had found the colours but what she knew was that they were used with perfect accuracy. She brought her fingers to touch the paper, her eyes following the shades,, taking it all in. The next was a sketch of a man sitting with Clarke, an arm around her shoulders. He had a few wrinkles on his face and by the looks of it, Lexa deduced his was her father. She smiled at the sketch of the girl next the man. Lexa hadn't known herself a father's love but Jake's love for his daughter was palpable in his eyes; Clarke had captured it so well. Still smiling, Lexa turned the page and, as soon as she did, the smile vanished from her face.

There, on the page, right in front of her was the face of the woman who had made Lexa Commander. Who had trained her, who had nurtured her, who had supported her who had taught her what life wasand who had died for her. Her friend, her mentor; Anya. Tears filled the Commander's eyes without her permission. No, she whispered to herself. She was not weak. She willed herself to turn the page, and once again was shocked beyond compare. There, on paper, was her own self, with a big smile on her face, surrounded by the children she was with no more than 10 minutes ago. She sucked in a sharp breath as she stared at the picture. She felt emotions overwhelm her again. She needed privacy, she needed fresh air so she tried to get up and move to the balcony. Clarke now knew too much about Lexa, not the Commander but Lexa and Lexa didn't know what she should feel about it. She had managed to sneak upon her, follow her the whole way to the house and Lexa didn't even suspect a thing. She knew she was angry at herself for this. But there were so many other emotions raging in her mind right now that she couldn't separate them.

Just when she was half up, a hand curled around her wrist and pulled her back. She hadn't realized her cheeks were streaked with tears until she felt the set of hands of the other woman on them, when her face was turned around. The blue-eyed angel, wiped away the tears with her soft hands and cupped her face. Then she felt her lips yielding hers in a soft, chaste kiss. She closed her eyes to feel the love and tenderness of the kiss. When she opened them, the Sky Princess's lips were hovering over hers just a few millimetres away and her blue eyes were staring right into hers. She didn't need to voice what she wanted, as Lexa read it clearly in her eyes. She wanted to know Lexa and because it was Clarke, the loving Clarke, the understanding Clarke, the supportive Clarke, Lexa nodded lightly. She was going to bare her soul to the woman who held her heart, and wait for the answer to the question about whether or not this woman wanted to love her.


	14. Chapter 14

LOST – CHAPTER 14

Clarke had become a light sleeper since she had landed on Earth, since she had lost the sense of safety and protection. So when Lexa came back in, Clarke's eyes fluttered open but she closed them again, pretending to be asleep. She held her breath, waiting for the Commander to spot her on her bed. After a few moments, she opened her eyes a little and found the Commander looking down at her. Clarke could see how tired Lexa looked. She was about to make Lexa aware that she was awake and get up when she saw, through the slits of her lids, the Commander bend forward, then felt Lexa over her body. Clarke froze. Lexa hovered over her a moment, as if hesitating, then quickly retracted and sat on the edge on the mattress.

Clarke frowned; she knew Lexa was no longer looking at her. She opened her eyes completely and saw that Lexa was looking very intently at something in her hands. Clarke lifted slightly her head to get a better angle at the woman, peeked and her stomach dropped. It was her sketchbook. She contemplated announcing her woken state again to take the book back before any damage was done but, just as she was about to do so, Lexa's expression stopped her. Lexa had a small smile playing on her lips and her eyes showed...admiration. She was enjoying Clarke's work. Clarke watched mesmerized as Lexa's fingers turned the next page. She knew what she'd find there – her own self with her father, smiling. She'd find the old Clarke; the Clarke that didn't experience the ground, the Clarke that wasn't changed by loss…the Clarke that Lexa didn't get to meet. She wanted to rip off the sketchbook from Lexa's hands but didn't. Instead she watched as Lexa took in the picture, took in a piece of her soul. Lexa was still smiling widely as she got to the next page. Then the smile quickly disappeared.

Her eyes were now wide, filled with something Clarke couldn't quite define from her position on the bed. But from the tension of her body, Clarke guessed Lexa had been taken off guard, hadn't expected to find drawings that resonated with her. Clarke felt vulnerability there; the woman, who was feared in all the lands, looked so fragile. So broken. So conflicted. A glassy layer of water formed in Lexa's eyes and she quickly blinked them away. She then took a shaky breath and turned another page. Clarke knew she hoped to find something that would distract her from grief. And it did.

The look in her eyes, combined with the crease of her brows, changed from vulnerability to anger to fear. These were the only emotions Clarke could easily read but she could see a storm of more of them in the girl's eyes.

Lexa got up to leave but Clarke grabbed her wrist half way. She couldn't let her leave, couldn't let her hide herself again. She couldn't pretend she didn't know what happened tonight, like Clarke knew Lexa was planning to do. She pulled her back on the bed and, cupping her tear soaked face, kissed her gingerly, chastely. Clarke broke the kiss and moved back a bit to observe the Commander who had her eyes closed, probably still getting over the surprise. But Clarke wasn't going to let Lexa slip away from her, not this time. When the green eyes looked into hers, she opened her mouth to say what she wanted from Lexa but Lexa didn't need words; it was all in Clarke's eyes for Lexa to see. Understanding filled Lexa's and she dipped her head lightly.

She slowly got up from the bed and Clarke watched her light up all the candles around them, patiently. Silence filled the room until Lexa reached the last candle.

"When I was younger, I used to be scared of fire." Lexa spoke up.

"I used to be too. I mean, it is scary." Clarke said, smiling, and recalling her childhood.

Lexa shook her head.

"My parents died in a fire, Clarke."

"Wha-? I am so sorry, Lexa." Clarke said, her eyes wide.

"It was a long time ago, Clarke." Lexa said dismissively.

"But I know what losing a parent is Lexa, I know it hurts and the pain never goes away."

"They died because of me." Lexa said after a moment.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked, getting up from the bed and walking up to Lexa.

Lexa sighed and explained.

"As soon as a child who is intended to become the Commander reaches the age of 8, they show the affinity to hold the Commander's spirit. Warriors come and test them. If it is positive then they are taken away for training."

"Is it always accurate?"

"No. Out of ten to twelve, only one gets the Commander's spirit." Lexa said and turned around to face Clarke.

"That's interesting Lexa, but what has this got to do with your parents' death?"

"Everything." Lexa said ominously.

Clarke frowned and waited for Lexa to continue.

"The Tree Clan is the clan with the best warriors. All the other clans feared it and that's why they never wanted to have a Heda from among us. As soon as they got the news about me, they came one dark night and burned down all of my village."

"I saw my mother burn to death in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything. My father was not inside our home at that time but once he saw the fire, he came running back to save me. Not her but me because I was to be Heda. The chosen child. The one responsible for all the destruction. He managed to save me but I lost him in the process." Lexa said, bitterness in her voice evident.

Clarke's eyes were glossy with tears at this point but Lexa recounted the events like it was just a story. Like it didn't affect her. Like she was immune to the pain. Like it didn't break her heart.

"What happened then?" Clarke managed to ask.

"My father had gone to welcome my mentor. Anya found me and took me with her to Polis." Lexa said looking away from the blue, tear filled eyes, fearing she might break down if she looked at them for a little longer.

Lexa expected Clarke to tell her again how sorry she was and feel all the pity that she really didn't want. Instead, Clarke moved past her towards the list of names on her wall.

Her fingers traced the first two names and she whispered them.

"Silvia, Jeffer..."

Clarke turned around and walked back to Lexa.

"They were your parents, weren't they?" She inquired.

Lexa nodded once in confirmation.

"Lexa, they were not your kills. Not your victims." Clarke's voice pleaded.

Finally a tear slid down Lexa's left eye. "But they were, Clarke. They died because of me, just like the people who died at my hands."

"No Lexa. They died saving their daughter, not the Heda but their daughter." Clarke argued, turning Lexa's head towards her and keeping Lexa's face in her grip so she couldn't face away.

"The fire was caused because I was there, Clarke. " Lexa countered.

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but Lexa roughly grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the wall again.

"Do you see all these 58 names on the list? They were all my village people that died because of me. I was the one who killed them, Clarke. It's on me." Lexa spat, pointing at the names listed in the beginning of the list.

"You blame yourself for them? That's pathetic." Clarke said, equal amount of anger in her voice.

"You do not know what you are talking about." Lexa whispered menacingly.

Clarke ignored her retort as she said, "Did Anya know about this pathetic list of yours?"

"She was my subordinate. She did not have-"

Clarke cut her off, "Because if she did, trust me, she would not have been proud. She would have been ashamed of you."

Lexa pushed Clarke to the wall and shouted, "Shut up!"

Then she instinctively pulled a dagger from her belt and embedded it into the wall, next to Clarke's ear.

Clarke's eyes widened in surprise but she did not break eye contact with the fuming Commander.

"So this is what you do, huh? You make people fear you, run away from you, whenever they approach you? Tell me, is this what you did to Costia too?"

"Clarke, please stop." Her voice begged her now. It quavered in pain.

"Lexa, listen to me. It was not your fault. These deaths were not your fault. They are not your burden to bear." Clarke tried to coax her, cupping her face delicately and brushing off the few strands of hair that had fallen on her face.

"You were not there, Clarke. I saw them; I saw all of them burn down to ashes. I heard their screams, their cries, Clarke. I did."

"I know you did. You were just 8, it's not fair you had to go through that at such a young age but Lexa, you did not do this. It is not on you." Clarke murmured and then wiped off the tears that had escaped Lexa's eyes.

Lexa moved back all of a sudden, and spoke as if coming out of a trance.

"What is done is done, Clarke. I cannot change the past and neither can you."

"Don't you dare shut me out, Lexa. It's not going to work." Clarke said harshly.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Her steel-like Commander voice echoed in the room.

Clarke huffed, folded her arms around her body and walked towards the Commander.

"Very well then. I am glad we agree that we cannot change the past. Will you please erase the first 60 names then, that includes the first two names."

Lexa clenched and unclenched her jaw before answering.

"Clarke of the Sky People, it is not your place to tell me what or what not to do."

"You shouldn't have bothered to tell me your story then, Commander." Clarke said hurtfully. She had called her by her title for the first time in a long time in a private discussion.

Lexa didn't say anything as she sat on the bed and picked up Clarke's sketchbook.

"You followed me." Lexa accused.

"I don't know what you are talking about. I was just walking outside for fresh air." Clarke replied insolently.

"It was very foolish of you to follow me, Clarke." She said, ignoring Clarke's defiance.

"And why is that so?" Clarke pressed, taking a seat next to Lexa on her comfortable bed.

"Your name might have ended up on that list, if I had deduced that I was being followed. It's not wise to shadow a Commander, Clarke." Lexa warned.

"I see." Clarke said.

Silence enveloped them for quite some time.

"You admitted that you followed me." Lexa said amused. Clarke turned around to see a smile in her eyes, her face being obviously stoic.

"When did I do that?" Clarke asked in a playful tone.

"I did not know you suffered from memory loss, Clarke." Lexa teased.

"Tell me my exact words when I admitted that."

"You didn't." Lexa said, realizing she had fallen for Clarke's trap.

"Ha! You've got nothing on me!" Clarke triumphantly exclaimed.

"No?" Lexa said, her eyes pointing towards the sketchbook.

"It can be an imagination of my mind, Commander. I repeat, you've gotten nothing on me." Clarke said cheekily.

Lexa rolled her eyes but preferred to remain silent, or maybe she had run out of retorts. Clarke liked to think it was latter.

The room turned silent again and the earlier tension somehow seemed to seep back in.

"Lexa-"

"You are right, Clarke. I shouldn't blame myself for what happened then." Lexa said, exhaling a long breath.

Clarke smiled and covered Lexa's hand with hers.

Lexa sighed. " I don't know why I needed to hear you say it when it was obvious."

"Lexa, sometimes things clear up when you discuss them with others." Her thumb rubbed soothing circles on Lexa's hand.

"I am Commander, I do not have that liberty. I cannot let anyone in, for my people."

"But you let me in." Clarke stated in a small voice.

"You are very persistent." Lexa said and Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I'll take that as a compliment."Clarke said cheerfully and Lexa's lips twitched upwards.

"So Anya took you in for training at 8. I am sure that has been fun." Clarke said sarcastically.

Lexa glared at her and Clarke realized she might have overstepped.

She quickly tried to explain herself, "I meant…during the few days that I spent with Anya, she taught me a few things. Told me how clumsy I was and once threw mud at me to camouflage in the forest but it was clear she enjoyed it."

At this Lexa laughed a throaty laugh.

"Anya was a good mentor, yes. But she sometimes did that to me too when I was being annoying or impatient."

"You? Impatient?" Clarke asked in disbelief.

"Patience is taught, Clarke. It isn't magically handed over to someone."

"So you are basically saying that Anya didn't approve of me as her student?"

"She wouldn't have taught you if she didn't approve. I had to prove myself to her when we got to Polis."

"That sounds interesting. Will you tell me about it?"

"I had to swim in a lake filled with snakes and make my way back to a horse she told me she had tied on a tree trunk at the bank. But obviously it was a loose knot as, when I reached the bank, there was no sign of the horse. Thus I had to walk all the way to our camp and then, when she saw me without the horse, I was sent back to retrieve it."

"And you were 8 at that time?"

Lexa nodded.

"That's insane!"

"She wasn't happy with me when the white horse had turned all black because I couldn't control it and it fell in the mud. I had to scrub it clean to get myself in her good books." Lexa said smiling at the memory.

"Okay, Anya was a harsh teacher. I am not really surprised."

"She was what was needed for survival." Lexa said firmly.

Clarke somewhat disagreed because she thought what Anya made Lexa do at such a young age wasn't a remarkable thing, but she couldn't really argue against it for the simple reason that her teaching had been successful; Lexa had turned out to be a remarkable individual as well as the best warrior.

Lexa let Clarke think whatever she was thinking and laid back comfortably on the bed, leaning on her elbows and quietly observed the blonde beauty. Suddenly she recalled something.

"Why did you draw her, Clarke?"

Clarke half turned towards Lexa and, following her example, laid down on her left elbow, facing her.

"Lexa, I saw you there laying motionless. I didn't know when you'd wake up or even if you would wake up at all. It gave me a lot of time to think and I couldn't really sleep." Clarke laughed nervously.

Lexa nodded in understanding and encouraged her to continue.

"I thought about us, about what I felt for you, about how we met and I couldn't help but think if it wasn't for Anya, we probably wouldn't have followed this path. In a way it all started because of her and I just felt the need to see her face so I drew her. I never got to thank her."

Lexa was in awe of the other woman and Clarke felt her cheeks heating up as she looked into Lexa's admiring eyes. Then Lexa brushed Clarke's cheek very softly with her thumb. Clarke could do nothing but stare at those beautiful green eyes as they followed the movement of her thumb.

"You are too pure, Clarke. I do not deserve you."

The trance broke and Clarke flinched, moving away from Lexa's hand.

"What are you talking about? I am pure after everything you know I have done?"

"If I asked you to kill a man Clarke, will you be able to do it?"

"What is his crime?"

"That's not your concern. You just have to kill him."

"But-"

"Will you be able to do it?"

"No, I will need-"

"I had my first kill when I had seen 10 winters. It was part of my training. Anya hadn't told me the reason why he needed to be killed, I just had to perform the act."

"How did you do it?" Clarke asked, gulping.

"I slit his throat. I remember he screamed for mercy and, by the spirits, I wanted to spare him, but I did what I was told." Lexa said, her voice finally showing some emotions, showing pain.

"I am so sorry, Lexa." Clarke said in a small voice.

"Don't be. I later found out he deserved it."

"I am sure he did. I am not sorry for that. I am sorry for what you had to do at such a young age."

"I was to be the Commander, Clarke. It was necessary."

Clarke nodded and then asked,

"But what does this have to do with-"

"Clarke, draining someone of their blood for their crimes is no longer a big deal for me but you, it's a nightmare for you. You cannot personally kill someone. "

"Finn-"

"…haunted you despite you giving him a gift, freeing him of the pain he would have had to face."

"What is the point of this?" Clarke asked through gritted teeth.

"The point of this is, I don't want to turn you into a monster Clarke." Lexa whispered.

"You think you are a monster?" Clarke asked in shock.

"You know I am."

"Bullshit. Have you seen how your people worship you? You are an angel to them!"

Lexa laughed a bitter laugh, "Clarke, I realized what a monster I am after I met you."

"What?" Clarke turned her head with the speed of light towards Lexa.

"The guilt you feel after your kills. I've lost that feeling. My soul is dead." Lexa said impassively, stood up and walked to the other end of the room, away from Clarke.

"Lex-"

"Don't be sorry for me. I am what my people need me to be; I am not weak. But I am not what you need or want me to be. I can't be that person, I am sorry." Lexa spoke over her shoulder, chin down, not looking at Clarke.

"I can't believe that you actually believe that. You think you don't feel something. Correction, you think you don't feel anything? Are you freaking kidding me? What do these names on this wall show? They show remorse. What does my sketch show? It shows the compassion in you. What did you letting me kill Finn show? Empathy."

Lexa turned around and watched Clarke, unable to tear away from her eyes. She tried to walk away as Clarke decreased the distance between their bodies with each step she took but she couldn't move; her mind was too busy to process the words that were coming out of the blonde's mouth to allow her any movement.

"And should I tell you what you felt when you kissed me, Lexa?" Clarke whispered.

Lexa couldn't breathe, let alone form words. Clarke solved her problem, by answering it herself.

"You felt love, just like I did. You love me Lexa."

"I-"

"And I know it scares the hell out of you so you find excuses to run away from it. You make it about me, about how I don't deserve you, about how we are very different, about how I don't want you. Don't you think I know why you finally agreed to tell me about your past?"

"Clarke, you-"

"I wasn't done, Lexa."

"You thought I would run off in the other direction, knowing what you have done. But guess what, I am still here because I understand you. I understand what survival is. I understand why you did what you did and I trust you Lexa."

Lexa's eyes finally let go of tears.

Clarke took another step towards Lexa and enveloped her in a hug. Lexa stiffened at the contact before melting in Clarke's arms.

"I love you, Lexa. I am in love with you."

She raised her head from Lexa's shoulder and looked into the bottle green eyes as she said,

"Lexa, I want to love you. I want your hate, your love, your confusions, your doubts… I want it all."

She took another step forward, bringing her body closer to Lexa's as she said. "I want your mind." She ran a hand over Lexa's face, slowly, her eyes following the movement of her fingers. "Your soul." She lightly placed her palm over Lexa's rapidly beating heart. "Your body." At this she retracted her hands and let her heated gaze run over Lexa's chest.

"I want all of you."

She then took a step back and whispered," But the question is, are you willing to give it to me?"


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Lexa knew what she wanted. She wanted Clarke. She craved Clarke but Clarke was also right, she was scared. She knew very well her feelings for the blonde and she was scared of what had happened to her last lover, that Clarke could suffer a similar fate. But here she was, standing, bare of most of her secrets, in front of Clarke and here the other girl was accepting her. And so Lexa made her decision.

She took a step forward, decreasing the distance between their bodies. She couldn't help but smirk as she saw Clarke's eyes drift to her lips before her blue eyes met her green ones again. Blue stormy eyes met her forest green, nearly taking her breath away.

"How?" Lexa asked.

"How...what?" Clarke managed to say.

"How are you able to read me so well, Clarke?" Lexa answered, asking her own question as she raised her hand, brushing her thumb softly against Clarke's cheeks, caressing it. Clarke couldn't help but close her eyes and absorb the sensation, drown in the feeling of Lexa's fingers against her skin. Lexa observed the blonde with fascination and admiration.

"You didn't answer me, Clarke." Lexa reminded her in a husky voice.

"I..I..wha- oh! Yeah, yeah. Your eyes." Clarke sputtered, so lost in the overwhelming warmth of Lexa's closeness that her brain couldn't formulate a full coherent sentence.

"Hmm?" Lexa hummed, confused.

"Your eyes give you away." Clarke tried again and clarified with a proper answer.

"Hmm...Is that so? Tell me what I am thinking right now." Lexa whispered in Clarke's ears and then moved her head back. Clarke felt a shiver down her spine.

"I...I...You...are..." Clarke mumbled lamely, failing to form proper sentences again. Lexa's eyes looked playful, mischievous but that was not what had made Clarke lose her words. It was the dilated pupils, taking over the green of the Commander's irises, that had turned her speechless.

Lexa licked her lips and slipped her hand over Clarke's stomach, lightly tracing the muscles there. Clarke's breath hitched and she moved her body closer to Lexa's. Lexa gently moved her hand towards Clarke's waist, sending sparks wherever she made contact. Her touch was so powerful despite the clothes separating them from the actual feeling of skin on skin. Lexa then moved her head sideways, towards Clarke's left ear and nipped it, making Clarke groan. Then she whispered,

"I am thinking of devouring you Clarke. I am thinking of you. Only you."

Clarke trembled at the power of those words coming from Lexa's mouth. She couldn't take the torture anymore so she roughly grabbed Lexa's collar and pulled her lips to hers. But Lexa didn't respond to the kiss as heatedly as Clarke had hoped. Instead she kissed her gently, oh so gently. Just like the first time she had kissed her. Clarke had seen Lexa lose control only once. Lexa had only kissed her madly, wildly only once. And Clarke wanted it again. She wanted the composed Commander to lose control, to be free with her.

"Not tonight, Clarke." Lexa said as if reading her mind.

Clarke growled in protest and forcefully slipped her tongue in Lexa's mouth, making Lexa give up her restraint and kiss her back furiously. Their tongues met and battled for dominance, neither willing to give the other the upper hand. Frustrated, Clarke bit Lexa's lower lip, distracting her enough to gain the control she wanted. Then she pushed Lexa towards her bed and, without further due, jumped up and straddled her. Clarke moved her upper body sideways and titled her head to get a better access to Lexa's mouth. Lexa's hips bucked up to meet Clarke's and a growl resonated in her throat. Clarke's lips then followed a trail down Lexa's neck and she sucked on her skin there. Lexa threw her head back, lost in the sensation. Clarke's hands made their way to Lexa's jacket and unbuttoned the first two buttons, exposing the little cleavage the tunic she was wearing allowed. She pulled at the hem of the tunic to increase the amount of bare skin accessible to her touch. Her lips then tumbled down to the exposed flesh and she kissed it eagerly. Lexa's hands weren't idle either. One hand moved up and down Clarke's spine and the other grabbed her ass, squeezing it. Suddenly, Clarke was lifted from Lexa's lap and flipped on her back to find the dark, lustful eyes of the Commander above her. She moved her head up to meet Lexa's lips but Lexa moved her head back a bit to avoid the contact, both breathing heavily. Clarke frowned and tried to move her hands but Lexa had pinned them down on either side of her body. Clarke growled and Lexa smirked.

"What?" She asked, irritated.

"I told you, not tonight." Lexa answered simply.

"Why? Don't you want it? Because your body seemed to speak differently." Clarke argued.

"Clarke of the Sky People, I want you. I do. You don't know how entwined you are with someone until you walk away from them. I did and thus I know how entwined my heart is to yours." Lexa said kissing softly her forehead and then her nose and then slowly descending down to Clarke's mouth, brushing her lips with a feathery kiss.

"But we need to rest now. Other clan leaders will be coming tomorrow and we need to be present over there with a clear mind."

"This surely will clear our minds, Lexa." Clarke rasped and smirked when she saw Lexa's eyes drift to her lips. Clarke's heart rate increased as Lexa's face came close to hers but instead of meeting her awaiting lips, Lexa's met her left cheek, imparting a sweet kiss. Then Lexa got up and scooted a little away from Clarke.

"Clarke, the lives of our people hang in the balance. I cannot let myself indulge in pleasure before we have the threat removed. I don't want to make love to you while some part of my mind is not attentive to the moment."

"Is this the way Heda rejects another leader?" Clarke asked angrily and jumped off Lexa's bed but before she could move any further, Lexa grabbed her wrist and halted her. She stood up as well and moved quickly towards Clarke, wiping away the tears that had started to fall on Clarke's cheeks.

"Clarke, please don't think that. I want you. I crave you. I...I...care about you but you know I am right. I don't want to just have sex with you; you deserve more than that. We need all our concentration on the matter in hand. We need sleep to have fresh minds and fresh bodies. Right now, we need to be the leaders our people need, Clarke."

Clarke sniffled as she finally heard what Lexa was saying, "I just made a fool of myself, didn't I? I don't know what I was thinking. I am sorry."

"Don't be Clarke. You were right to withdraw from the kiss in my tent last time. War is no place for such things, at least when you want to have a deeper relation to someone than a mere physical one." Lexa mumbled the last part shyly and her tone was what made Clarke's firm belief that Lexa was speaking the truth.

"Well, if there's nothing else left. I will wish you goodnight, though it's nearly morning."

"The Clan leaders will arrive in the afternoon. We have some time to rest up, Clarke."

"Right. Goodnight then." Clarke said tying up the laces of her shoes and moving towards the door of the Commander's room.

"Clarke?" Lexa said in an undertone, dipping her head before looking up as Clarke turned around.

"Yes?" Clarke asked surprised at Lexa's tone, narrowing her eyes at the vulnerability she sensed in Lexa's demeanor; she looked shy, unsure of herself.

"You can stay here if you want." She whispered.

"Tell me what you want?" Clarke asked boldly. She wanted to hear Lexa say it. It was clear that the Commander didn't usually say things like that from the uncertainty, the hesitance and the nervousness in her voice.

Lexa looked into the blue eyes, pleading her to understand but Clarke made no move to ease this for her. Finally Lexa said,

"Will you please stay the night here, with me?" Lexa asked, with a little more confidence in the face of Clarke's stubbornness to have her word out her question.

"There. It wasn't so hard, was it?" Clarke smirked and, taking off her shoes, laid down on one side of Lexa's bed, watching her from there. Lexa first blew out all the candles in the room except the ones on the bedsides. She then took off her jacket slowly and placed it on the chair that had Clarke's jacket. After that, she took off weapons from the multiple pockets of her pants. Finally she laid on the other side of the bed, face to face with Clarke. However, she was looking over her shoulder, not meeting her eyes.

It was strange for Clarke to see Lexa looking so nervous but she would be lying if she said she wasn't enjoying it. Clarke knew the reason behind it; Lexa hasn't had any relationship since Costia (at least none more than physical, Clarke was sure) thus she understood her nervousness with her. However, Clarke was curious about one thing.

She moved closer to Lexa and asked, "Lexa, how many lovers have you had?"

Clarke watched amusedly as blood rushed to the Commander's face in the dim light.

"Why...why do you ask?" She croaked.

"Just curious." Clarke said shrugging and folded her legs a bit, her knees now touching Lexa's.

Lexa closed her eyes and whispered in a painful voice.

"Too many to remember."

This was not the answer Clarke had expected. Now it was her turn to feel awkward. Maybe that's why Lexa rejected me; I am not good enough. The wheels of her sinister thoughts however came to a halt when Lexa continued in a voice barely controlled,

"I...I could not bear the nightmares after her. I needed some distraction to drive them away. I used to exhaust myself and then go to bed. I couldn't sleep otherwise."

"There are other ways to exhaust yourself." Clarke spoke sharply. She felt jealous just thinking of the women who had pleasured the Commander, made her forget everything and fucked her. Nevertheless, she immediately reprimanded herself as she heard her own harsh tone.

"Lexa, I didn't mean in-"

"Anya wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let me exhaust myself with training but she couldn't object to my nightly activities. That is something the Trikru never interfere with." Lexa laughed bitterly.

Silence followed Lexa's confession. Lexa listened to Clarke's rhythmic breathings; somehow it calmed her.

"Lexa...all those women?" Clarke asked hesitantly.

"I would never force myself on anyone." Lexa snapped instantly.

Clarke shook her head, feeling ashamed of having even thought about it. She then gingerly took Lexa's head in her hands and, moving away the strands of hair that had fallen on her face, kissed her cheek softly.

"I know. I am sorry. It's just that you were going through such a hard time, I thought maybe you had lost yourself." Clarke said honestly, her eyes pleading Lexa to understand and forgive her error.

Lexa looked Clarke in the eye, reading the plea there and after a moment said,

"I understand."

"Thank you." Clarke breathed a sigh of relief.

"Goodnight, Clarke." Lexa said before Clarke could start some new discussion. She would love to spend the remaining of the night talking to Clarke but she knew they both needed the rest for tomorrow.

Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa's abruptness but whispered, "Goodnight, Lexa" back before drifting to the land of sleep.

Lexa's eyes opened and she frowned, noting the darkness that surrounded her. She knew she had slept late and judging by the lightness of her body, she was sure she was well rested. Then why the darkness? Shouldn't it be midday? She mused. She felt something tickle her cheeks; there was something covering her face. Quickly, she moved it away with her right hand. Now light hit her eyes harshly and she squinted reflexively, trying to adjust to the brightness and gain her vision back. She tried to move her other hand but found herself unable to do so. She turned her head to her left to find the cause of it, now that her vision had adjusted to the bright light. She almost forgot to breathe looking at the sight. Clarke was fast asleep next to her, in her bed. She had abandoned her pillow sometime during the night it seemed, and moved to use Lexa's arm instead. The blonde locks were what was obstructing her vision, she deduced. She gently removed Clarke's hair from her face, as they were blocking Lexa's view of the girl's face. Lexa sucked in a breath. Clarke was breathtaking. In her slumber, she seemed free of all the worries and burdens that her shoulders carried.

Lexa tried to turn away towards the window so she could guess the time of the day but again, the movement was not possible. Lexa groaned as she realized she was held down by Clarke's arms placed around her waist. Her eyes looked down and she found out the time at least. According to Clarke's watch it was 12:00 pm. Lexa had been taught how to read time like the Mountain Men during her initial phase of training and hence had no problem in calculating that she had nearly 2 hours left before her generals came.

Just when Lexa thought of silently untangling herself from the blonde, Clarke's body pressed further into Lexa's, her head resting at the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa smiled and touched Clarke's soft curls, letting a long ringlet wound itself around her finger. She watched her sleep for several minutes, her perfectly shaped lips pouting daintily. If it were up to her, she'd never move from this position but she knew both of them needed to get up to brief the Sky People and start off the day. She knew of the strong image her Clan leaders held of Clarke and she was going to make sure it remained that way.

"Clarke." Lexa said softly, trying in vain to wake her up.

"Clarke?" She tried again.

"Clarke, wake up!" This time she shook her as well.

"Mmmph. Sleeping." Clarke said in a mumble and moved her head from Lexa's neck to her chest, burying it there and going back to sleep.

Lexa's breath quickened as she looked down to the blonde now sleeping so close to her rapidly beating heart. She was just so beautiful. Lexa stroked Clarke's hair lightly and dropped a kiss in her hair.

"Clarke, we need to get up." She said in her ear though every fiber of her body was protesting against the notion of leaving this bed.

"Ugh, Lex. What time is it?"

"It's 12 in the afternoon." Lexa couldn't help the smile from forming on her lips as she heard her nickname from Clarke's voice; her morning, sleepy voice.

"That's late according to Grounders, I know." Clarke rasped, though still not making any move to leave her current position.

Lexa chuckled. She was sure Clarke was sleep talking. She quickly came to the conclusion that it was of no avail to try and wake up Clarke in this manner. So she carefully, very carefully, untangled herself from the blonde despite the occasional groans of protest from Clarke.

Lexa left her room but returned after a few minutes with a flask of water in her hand. Smiling widely, she poured the water on Clarke's head.

"Fuck! What the hell Lexa?" Clarke cried as she got up within seconds.

Lexa smirked playfully, "I told you we needed to get up."

"You didn't need to drop a whole bucket of water for that!" Clarke shrieked, putting her now drenched hair behind her ears.

"Forgive me, but this case deemed it necessary for me. And it was not a whole bucket." Lexa said in her firm Commander tone but Clarke wasn't buying it. She was reading the mischievousness in her eyes.

"You are so going to pay for that, Commander." Clarke said, walking towards Lexa.

"Is that so, Sky Heda?" Lexa whispered, her eyes drifting down to Clarke's lips as the blonde woman entered her personal space. The wet shirt that was sticking to Clarke's silhouette wasn't helping Lexa's case either. Lexa's eyes travelled down.

Clarke leaned in towards Lexa's face but just when their lips were about to connect, she diverted hers to Lexa's ear and husked,

"You need to show me around Polis today."

With that she was gone from the room.

Later, the Commander met Clarke at the dining table for lunch, with Clarke's friends already seated and chatting excitedly. Without further delay, they all started to fill up their bellies, relishing at the delicious food offered in Polis.

"How was your training, Clarke?" Octavia asked her friend.

"Hmm?"

"Your training. Vera told us that you left for an early morning training with the Commander."

"Oh. Yeah. It was fine." Clarke said, quickly recovering from the surprise. Her eyes found Vera's and the grounder smiled at her. The gesture was not reciprocated by the Sky Princess. She still had to interrogate Lexa about the woman.

Octavia frowned and bringing Clarke's attention back to her said,

"You aren't complaining today."

"Maybe she has started to like it, Octavia." Lexa snapped.

Octavia immediately shut up, and Clarke glared at Lexa. It was not her place to interrupt like that; Octavia was chatting with her like a friend. Lexa looked right back at Clarke but, after a little while, nodded, informing Clarke silently that she won't interfere anymore.

"I took a hot shower afterwards, O. That's probably why I am feeling better. It wasn't fun, I assure you."

"So what's today's agenda, Captain?" Raven asked from across the table.

Lexa, who had no idea she was the one being addressed to, paid her no attention and continued her discussion with Vera.

"Umm... Commander, I was asking you."

"No, you said Captain not Commander Raven." Making it clear that she heard Raven all right.

Raven rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "My bad. Commander, what's the agenda for today?"

Clarke barely suppressed her laughter at the interaction. Raven would be Raven, no matter who she was talking to.

"All my Clan leaders will be here within 2 hours and they will be briefed about our current situation. So tell me Raven, Wick, have you figured out what you need to do in order to stop the massive destruction that is to happen if the bomb is launched?"

"Thank you for going into the glory details, Commander. I really needed it." Raven said sarcastically but the Commander remained stoic, waiting for the real answer.

"You have an answer for me or not?"

Clarke observed the Commander, trying to find the girl who had poured water on her face to wake her up, the girl who had confessed her feelings for her, the girl who had broken down in front of her, the girl who had kissed her like no one had. She failed; Lexa wore her mask well. In that moment, she looked nothing but intimidating and authoritative.

"Well, we are going to build an EMP." Wick answered quickly.

"What is that and how is it going to help?" Vera joined in.

"EMP is the full form of Electromagnetic Pulse Generator and it has the power to knock out all the electronic devices in range." Clarke answered before Raven and Wick had a chance.

Raven turned to Clarke, looking impressed.

"What? I didn't always sleep during my physics class even though I did find it super boring." Clarke defended herself and Octavia chuckled.

"How will you build it?" Lexa asked, bringing the group back to the matter in hand.

"That's the burning question, isn't it?" Raven said, smirking.

"I don't think you realize how serious the matter is Raven of the Sky People. If you can't fix this, all of our people will die. Yours and mine both, and us probably included. The whole human race will vanish into nothing. So I suggest you take this seriously otherwise I think you coming here is nothing but a disappointment." Lexa said the harsh words monotonously.

"What? I am not taking it seriously? Who would know what is going to happen if the bomb explodes better than me, Commander? I am just as serious as you are over this. The difference is, I know that spending every moment like it is the last will do us no good. And for your information, I did figure out a way to save our people. Or think I have, at least." Raven said heatedly.

"Raven, you are speaking out of place. I cannot allow you to-"

"It's fine, Vera. Everyone has their own way of coping." Lexa said calmly and nodded at Raven's direction. This calmed Raven a bit. Lexa had been a successful Commander not just because of her ruthlessness but also because she understood the nature of her warriors. She knew everyone had their moments of weakness.

"Commander, one of the things we - I - took from Mount Weather was a Camera." Wick said, taking over and changing the 'we' to 'I' when Raven glared at him.

"A camera?"

"It's a device used to capture -"

"I know what a camera is. Continue please." Lexa said impatiently.

"Well, we need to use it to make the EMP generator. In addition, we require a copper wire and some magnets. Any idea where we can find these things in the city?"

"You don't need to go in the city to find this. We have a room here with all the scarp items from the past." Vera said.

"How did I not know of this?" Raven exclaimed.

"You never asked." Vera smirked.

"How long will this device take to build?" Lexa asked, getting up from her chair.

"If we find all the materials required then no more than an hour or so." Raven replied.

"Very well. We will journey to the City of Lights tomorrow morning." Lexa said, standing now.

"Oki doki." Raven replied, and Lexa, this time, failed not to roll her eyes.

"Clarke, come." Lexa said walking towards the door without turning back to look at Clarke as she addressed her. She knew the blonde would follow her.

Clarke matched Lexa's pace as they marched out of the palace. (Clarke didn't know what else to call it).

"Where are we going?"

"You wanted to see Polis, no?"

"But...don't we need to prepare for your generals?"

"There isn't anything to prepare, Clarke. It's a regular occurrence. They report to me whenever I arrive in Polis."

"I wasn't talking about that. I meant...what am I going to do?"

"What you do best." Lexa said, turning to the left. Clarke followed.

"Which is?"

"Be the leader of Sky People."

"But-"

"Relax and enjoy the city while you can, Clarke." Lexa said, turning her head sideways to look at Clarke. She observed that she had a frown on her face.

"You think too much. You should sometimes trust your instincts." Lexa suggested, halting in front of a fence.

In front of them was a huge field of wheat.

"You wanted to know how we make bread without electronic ovens. I thought of showing you from the initial process." Lexa explained her reason to bring her here.

"Are those farmers? I thought you just had warriors." Clarke said shocked, and realized how stupid it sounded as she heard what she had just said.

Lexa chuckled and, shaking her head amusedly, said, "I told you Polis would change the way you think of us. We are more than wars and battles."

"I believe you." Clarke said breathless, as she crossed the fence and walked in the wheat field. Her arms extended on either sides, she felt the softness of the plants. All the while, Lexa stood on her post and watched her with a small smile of her own.

Several of her people greeted Lexa when they saw her standing there. Lexa nodded to acknowledge their greetings.

After a few minutes, Clarke joined Lexa with a huge smile on her face. Lexa then led her to the silos where heaps of grains were being brought.

"This is where the chaff is separated from the grain. The spikelet are moistened and pounded for the process. The bran that is removed is used for animal field." Lexa explained Clarke animatedly.

Clarke watched impressed at the intense labor that was put up to make bread without any machine. Lexa next showed her the place where the wheat was grinded. It was a large ground but it was sheltered from the sun by a sheet made up of thin wood. Several men and women were busy crushing the crops with grinding stones.

"After that, a dough is prepared from the flour with the addition of water and then shaped into molds."

"How is it baked?" Clarke asked, still eyeing the grinding process.

"Come, let me show you."

Lexa propelled forward, towards the end of the room which had a door attached to it. As she walked, people stopped her to meet and greet her but Lexa never once showed any sign of impatience. She behaved like the last time Clarke had seen her in crowd, very humble to them. Once they reached the end of the room, Lexa led Clarke through the door where she thought another room was connected to this one.

Only it wasn't a room at all, it was an exit. She was out in the open again but it was considerably hotter there, which was strange as the day was cloudy. The mystery was solved when Clarke's eyes looked at the people in the area - they were baking the molds into bread. The smell of freshly baked bread was mouth-watering.

Clarke had apparently stopped walking as she felt Lexa's arm snake around her waist and gently guided her forward. Clarke's feet moved with the Commander's, but Lexa's arm stayed where it was.

"I am sorry, but I don't really know the process from there." Lexa said, blushing slightly. Clarke couldn't help as the word adorable popped in her mind looking at the Commander.

"Heda, Sky Heda." An old man greeted them both.

"Belanor, good afternoon." Lexa greeted him and, much to Clarke's dismay, removed her arm from her back and put it on her sword's hilt. Clarke could read the respect in Lexa's voice as she greeted the old man in turn.

"How are you my child?"

"I am well, thank you. Clarke of the Sky People was just curious about the process of bread forming. I wish for you to please explain it to her." Lexa said politely.

"Of course Heda."

He led them to a huge kiln. "You see this vessel is covered with a clay disk to preserve heat. Fire is ignited at the bottom for heat. After sometime, when it is hot enough for the dough to bake, the molds are placed inside it."

"How do you place them in? It is very hot, after all."

Belanor chuckled and muttered, "She's smart, Commander."

"I wouldn't disagree." Lexa said softly and Clarke blushed.

"Sky Heda, you see this wooden spatula? The mold is placed on it and then positioned in the vessel, at the bottom." Belanor said pointing at a huge peel in his hand.

"It looks more like an oar than a spatula. And its handle is quite long. Intelligent." Clarke commented.

Belanor dipped his head as he demonstrated what he had just said. After a few minutes, Clarke and Lexa were presented with a freshly baked bread. Clarke moaned in pleasure as she took a bite to taste it.

"This is so good. I've never tasted fresh bread in my entire life. On the Ark, we had genetically engineered food and it never even tasted anything close to what food tastes here." Clarke rambled on and Lexa listened to her patiently, internally savoring the happiness these small things brought to Clarke.

"Clarke, I am sorry but we should head back now." Lexa said after a while.

"Oh? No problem. Time to face the music." Clarke sighed and got up.

"You want music in the meeting room?" Lexa looked at her like she had lost her mind.

"Wha-? No."

"But you said so yourself." Lexa insisted.

"Never mind. Let's go."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

To Clarke's surprise, Lexa led her directly to her bedchamber and not the meeting room. They had been informed earlier about the arrival of all the leaders in the meeting room. Lexa entered her bedroom and kept the door open for Clarke to follow her in. Which she did. She then waited for Lexa to say something but Lexa disappeared in her bath chamber without a word and, sighing, Clarke took a seat on the soft bed. After a few minutes, Lexa re-entered the room and all hair on Clarke's body stood up just by looking at her. Gone was the soft, tender look of the Commander, gone was Lexa. In front of Clarke stood 'the Commander'- black kohl covered her eyes, concealing the green there, concealing the warmth and compassion. But Clarke looked in deep, searching for traces of the woman she came to know in the privacy of their encounters and confidences, and finally found them there. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's time to go, Clarke of the Sky People."

"I can see, Commander." Clarke muttered as she followed Lexa, who was walking briskly.

They walked in silence and Clarke couldn't help but feel really nervous. She knew the grounder leaders wouldn't be impressed by her looks. Who was she kidding? She could never have the ruthless, merciless look even if she wanted to. But she also knew they knew she was the one who took the Mountain down. In addition, she was also aware that she would be judged on the merit whether or not she could overthrow Lexa. On one hand, Clarke didn't want to be pursued in that direction but on the other hand, she couldn't let herself appear weak in front of other clan leaders. Just thinking of all this made her head spin and made the butterflies in her stomach come to life. She took deep breaths in order to calm herself down, ignoring the fact that the Commander could hear her. She had much more hostile people to please. Just before they reached the chestnut colored door of the meeting room, Lexa stopped and turned to face Clarke. She willed her mask to slip off her face and, squeezing Clarke's arm reassuringly, said,

"You have nothing to worry about, Clarke. You are under my protection."

Clarke barely managed to nod before the doors were opened for them and Lexa walked in, taking lead, looking as regal and fearful as ever.

The meeting was going better than Clarke had hoped. Lexa had briefed all the leaders about their current situation and they all had surprisingly listened to it very patiently. Once she had finished, Clarke was bombarded with questions on how she planned to used 'her technology' to destroy the bomb.

"My people have built a machine - an EMP generator - which will disable all the electronic equipments in the area."

"Are you sure this will work?" One of the leaders, whose name Clarke failed to recall, asked.

Clarke definitely wasn't sure but she didn't need the look from Lexa telling her to lie. She knew she had to lie not to cause an argument. So she did. She made everyone believe that she had the solution to the problem. Just then, Jared, who had been silent the entire time, spoke up,

"How can we trust that you will not use the weapon against us?"

Lexa glared dangerously at him but he didn't take his eyes off Clarke. Clarke remembered he was the one who had argued last time as well, when they had agreed for a peace treaty with the Sky People.

"You can't. But you don't have a choice."

Silence followed Clarke's words and then, all of a sudden, the room was filled with loud voices. Some shouted "kill the Sky girl" while others agreed they had no choice.

"Enough!" Lexa said, raising her voice above all the others.

"Clarke informed us of the magnitude of the destruction we will suffer if the bomb is not stopped." Lexa explained, turning her face towards Clarke.

"It's a nuclear bomb which means it is much more deadly than a normal bomb. This bomb, if it explodes, will wipe out entire cities. If it is dropped on Ton DC then it's damage radius will include both Polis and the Ice Nation." Clarke said, pointing her finger on the map placed on the table.

"Polis and Ice Nation are on the opposite sides of the land." The Ice Queen, Avina, said in disbelief.

"That is what the magnitude of its destruction will be." Clarke said gravely.

"The area includes half of our clans." Lexa added.

Murmurs flowed in the room as the clan leaders started discussing the matter among themselves. They knew their Commander would want their answer as soon as the information sank in.

Michael of the Wolf Clan, who was standing beside Clarke, whispered to her,

"I trust you in your abilities, Wanheda."

Then, in a loud voice, he said,

"Heda, the Wolf Clan agrees with your decision. You have our support and we will help you in any way possible."

Lexa nodded her head in Michael's direction in acknowledgement.

"Forgive me, Heda but I cannot put the faith of my entire clan in the hands of a girl." The woman representing the Skin Clan spoke.

"Do you doubt her abilities even after the mountain?" Lexa asked.

"I don't but I think this is bigger than her. I say we try to find a different way."

"YOU KNOW THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!" Clarke said angrily.

"Clarke, let them speak what they want." Lexa said sharply, not bothering to look at the blonde. Clarke clenched her jaws but nodded nonetheless.

In the end, 5 clans sided with Clarke and 5 against her. However, The Ice Queen being the only one who hadn't given her decision yet. Clarke frowned; she trusted her counting skills and concluded that the number of leaders present, other than Lexa and her, were 11, not 12.

"Avina?" Lexa urged the Ice Queen.

"Commander, I would have your general of Polis vote first."

"Very well. We shall wait for her arrival then."

Clarke whispered in Michael's ear,

"What if it ends in a tie?"

"Then you will lose." He stated simply.

She opened her mouth to ask him further about the voting method when the doors opened and the general of Polis walked in.

"Vera?" Clarke mouthed in disbelief.

Vera walked towards the end of the table where Lexa was standing and bowed at her respectfully.

"Heda. I am sorry for being late."

Lexa dipped her head before asking, "Is it done?"

"Yes."

Clarke knew she was being asked about the EMP and she inwardly sighed in relief as she heard the positive answer from Vera.

Then, turning around to her fellow leaders, she said,

"Welcome to Polis everyone. The Skaikru have been staying here which is why I am already aware of the matter at hand. Kindly proceed with the discussion." She said in an unwavering yet polite voice.

"You are required to vote on whether or not you support Clarke's proposition for destroying the bomb." Lexa informed her.

"I have spent time with Clarke's people and believe that they have the power to stop this bomb. My answer is yes." She said looking at Clarke who nodded gratefully at her.

"Avina, only you are left to decide now." Lexa spoke calmly.

"It doesn't matter what I choose, or what any of us choose. You are Heda, you can do whatever you wish for." Avina said in a mocking tone.

"Heda has always valued our opinions, Avina. Don't try to demean her." Luna spoke in her defense and many of the clan leaders agreed with her verbally. But Avina ignored them and kept staring at Lexa challengingly. Lexa didn't flinch either.

"Yes, I do have the power to not consider what you have to say but my people come first. Their wishes come first. You all represent my people so I value your opinions."

"Tell me, if I side against the Skaikru, will you reject the proposition or not?"

Clarke sucked in a breath. She knew Avina has put Lexa in a very precarious position; on one hand, there was Clarke and her beliefs and on the other, her clan leaders and their beliefs. Clarke thought it didn't matter whether Lexa believed her or not, she could not pick Clarke over her people and so she knew Lexa's answer even before it left her mouth.

"Yes, I will." Lexa said evenly but her eyes looked murderous. Avina smirked.

These words were a bitter reminder for Clarke that, no matter how close she and Lexa became, Lexa would always put her people before Clarke in her priority list. She had known this all along but she couldn't help but feel a pang in her heart at the words. She bit her lower lip hard until she felt the metallic taste in her mouth. Lexa could never be completely Clarke's. She had known this all along as well but that knowledge, worded here before all with Lexa's answer, still wasn't any less painful. Lexa would again leave her at the Mountain to die if her people were involved.

"Avina, I need your answer. I do not have all day." Lexa said in a low voice, grinding her teeth.

Avina walked towards Clarke and said,

"I haven't ever seen you in action Clarke of the Sky People, I have only heard that you took down the Mountain. I do not know what part you played in its downfall but I do know because of you we are no longer threatened by the Mountain. I may have doubts regarding you as a warrior but I do not doubt you as a leader and thus my answer is yes, I will support you."

"Very well, it's been decided that we will follow Clarke's lead on this matter. Sha?"

"Sha." Approval rang in the room.

Clarke nodded, accepting her role.

"Heda, the machine for the initiation of the bomb is in our capitol?" Jared of the Blood Clan asked.

"No, I will journey with the Sky People to the City of Lights to dispose of it."

As soon as these words left the Commander's lips, all the leaders gave her their undivided attention, trying to figure out whether Lexa was serious or not. She had never joked but it was hard to believe what had left the Commander's lips to be true.

"The City of Lights, Commander?" Luna finally asked her in disbelief.

"There is no City of Lights!" Michael snarled.

More protests followed and Clarke looked bewilderedly at Lexa. When Lexa had been told the bomb was in the City of Lights a few days ago, she had not shown the slightest reaction concerning the truth of its existence or lack thereof. Lexa, even now, looked as calm as ever and met Clarke's gaze evenly. But her eyes didn't stay long on her as she moved towards the Desert Clan's Heda and Clarke observed Lexa dip her head lightly.

"There is a City of Light." He spoke, his voice stiff but firm.

"What?"

"That's insane."

"The old man has lost it."

These phrases were heard but no one moved. The situation shifted and the tension became intense when the Blood Clan's Heda unsheathed his sword and, in a swift motion, placed it against the Desert Clan's Heda's throat.

"Back off, Jared." Lexa said in a warning tone.

"Heda, he wants you dead. People who try to follow this absurd notion end up dead. It's a fool's dream."

"I command you to back off this instant Jared." This time her voice showed mercilessness, menace and cruelty.

Jared finally lowered his sword and sheathed it. The Desert Clan Heda, to his credit, remained stoic throughout the exchange. He expected this, Clarke thought.

"The City of Light lies where my deserts end. The people who are banished resort to that place."

"Have you ever been there?" Vera asked.

Everyone knew the weight the question held. Stillness greeted her words, every leader holding their breath for the answer. If the Desert Clan's Heda had been there himself then no one could stop the Commander to go but if he hadn't...

"No, I haven't."

Jared exploded at this.

"Then why would you dare send the Commander to such a quest? Has anyone you know ever been there?"

"Yes, my daughter..." He looked hesitantly at Lexa, debating whether or not to continue.

"Along with me." Lexa completed his sentence and it put to rest all protests.

"Is it safe?" Clarke heard herself ask.

"It wasn't then but Costia and I explored the City and also learnt the safe routes to it." Lexa said monotonously but Clarke could see the pain in her eyes. It was dim, very dim unlike the first time she had spoken of Costia to her. Lexa was still healing but Clarke was content with the progress. She nodded.

"Very well. What do you need from us, Heda?"

The meeting had lasted for nearly 2 hours. Anything and everything about the journey had been discussed. Costia's father guaranteed full protection through the desert and the Ice Queen offered her warriors, which had been politely declined by Lexa. She had insisted for the meeting to continue like any regular meeting and had made her generals brief the situation of their cities to her. The Ice Queen also requested the Desert Heda for a short cut she had wanted to dispatch her trade utilities to the Boat Clan but the Desert Heda hadn't given his consent rather asked for some time before he could allow it. Clarke couldn't blame him; she knew that for him, even talking to Avina civilly knowing she was his daughter's murderer was remarkable. Avina had looked angry to be denied but knew that no one would side with her on the matter and thus had let it go.

Finally, Lexa had dismissed all the leaders from the meeting room except for the Desert Heda, which was why Clarke found herself in the company of Avina.

"You did well, Clarke." The Queen said, standing close to her, her shoulders brushing Clarke's.

"You didn't try to make matters easy." Clarke retorted.

Avina grinned and, turning around, said in a low voice, "I do love your fearlessness, Clarke."

"It is not yours to love."

"Hmm." She said, putting a strand of Clarke's hair behind her ear.

"You have beautiful hair, Clarke." She muttered, taking a step forward but Clarke didn't back down or flinch away.

"What do you want, Avina?" She asked in a bored tone.

"I can see that you have a close relationship with the Commander."

"I don-"

"Don't deny it. I had observed Lexa for a whole year before taking away her lover; I wouldn't have been successful otherwise. I cannot be fooled. She has fallen for you."

Clarke knew when it was pointless to argue so she didn't and instead repeated her question.

"What do you want, Avina?"

"I want you to use your head like Lexa did at the Mountain."

Clarke clenched her teeth at the reminder of the bitter memory. It was a low blow on the Ice Queen's part.

"I am offended. You think I am not using my head?"

Avina chuckled.

"I wouldn't dare. I am here to offer you an alliance with the Ice Nation."

"I see and I believe I cannot be aligned with Trikru if I align with you, am I right?" Clarke asked without missing a beat.

"You are bright." Avina complemented and slowly ran her thumb across Clarke's jaws. Clarke immediately stepped back, which made Avina smirk.

"And you are a killer." She spat.

"Aren't you too, Clarke?"

"At the Mountain-"

"I wasn't talking about the Mountain. You cannot tell me you haven't killed anyone with those soft, beautiful hands of yours." She prompted as she gingerly took one that was resting on her side, balled in a fist, and opened Clarke's fingers.

Clarke gulped. Avina had her there. She had killed even if it was out of necessity.

Avina took Clarke's silence as a victory and continued.

"I offer you to rule by my side, Clarke. Be my equal. The Ice Nation is the biggest clan, I offer you to rule it with me as...a co-Queen." She then started rubbing circles around Clarke's palm. Clarke immediately pulled back.

"Co-Queen?" Clarke snorted. "Did you just create the word? And are you saying what I think you are saying?"

"I don't know what you are thinking Skai Heda, but I would like to have a unity ceremony with you. You are beautiful and intelligent, I think you will be a worthy partner to me."

"Oh? And it has nothing to do with Lexa?"

"I was coming to that. Clarke, I will need you to step up and destroy Lexa."

"How do I do that? You cannot expect me to kill her and end the peace she has built between the clans, a peace that makes my people safe?"

"Your people will be safe, I guarantee you that, because you will be on the victorious side. I, of course, can't have you kill Lexa and have witnesses but your trip to The City Of Lights...it's clear Lexa isn't willing to take any army with her, and you will be close to Lexa there, you can kill her without being blamed for it or having witnesses. You will have plenty of excuses for her death if she dies there."

"What makes you think I will do that? What makes you think I will choose you over Lexa or will choose any at all?"

"You cannot thrive without an alliance on ground, I am sure you know that. As for why I am preferable to Lexa - well, I have never betrayed you, nor wronged you."

"I don't even know you!" Clarke finally said frustrated.

"I am not at all opposed to the idea of us getting to know each other, Clarke." She said moving in Clarke's personal space and, despite whatever was going on in Clarke's mind regarding the proposition, there was no denying that the woman in front of her was a beauty.

"I am not looking for a physical relationship. If that was the case, your Commander isn't too bad herself." Clarke retorted.

"And am I?" The Ice Queen asked smugly, and licked her lips.

"Clarke, knowing each other in furs can only be the beginning. You see, unlike Lexa, I value the people in my life. I protect them. I work with them. I provide them. I cherish them."

"Lexa-"

"Couldn't even take revenge for her last lover, couldn't let her spirit have peace because she cannot choose her heart over head, ever. I, however, can make exceptions for the ones I own."

"You own?" Clarke spat.

"You will be mine once I claim you Clarke. And claim you, I am eager." She said, leaning in and placing a kiss on Clarke's cheek. She, however, didn't move back and rather stayed in Clarke's proximity, her body pressed to Clarke's. Clarke tried to move back but was met with a pillar.

"Get off me." She said and pushed Avina. She staggered a few feet away from Clarke and smirked.

"You are a cat with sharp claws, but you will find me not complaining in the slightest, trust me."

"I do not want an alliance between the sheets or by killing the Commander, Avina. Thank you for your proposition but I am not going to betray her for you. At least, she knows better than to rip someone's love from them!"

Avina sighed.

"You judge me too harshly, Clarke. I heard you had to face a hard time from Heda when you landed."

"She had her reasons, which I do not find necessary to discuss with you." Clarke replied angrily.

"I am sure she did but nonetheless it's a shame you landed near the Trikru, I would've given you a much more warmer welcome." Avina said, unabashedly looking at Clarke up and down.

Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I am sure you would have. Now if you will excuse me, I need to prepare to leave for The City of Lights."

Avina smiled and moved aside, only a bit, which made Clarke's shoulder brush against hers as she walked in the opposite direction. However Clarke stopped after taking a few steps.

"Avina, what makes you think what you asked of me will not be told to the Commander?"

"That's a question, isn't it? You see Clarke, Lexa isn't the only one who knows when there's a leader in front of her. I know you are aware that this is all part of how leaderships work and you wouldn't dare tell Lexa in case you accidently plant this threat in Lexa's mind from your side or in case you actually change your mind and decide to work with me. Let's be honest, Lexa can never trust a leader from another clan entirely, not even you. And you wouldn't want her to have doubts about you, would you now?"

And with that, Avina walked away, leaving Clarke to grudgingly agree with her parting words.

Clarke found her friends waiting for her in her room. As soon as she entered, Raven pounced on her.

"Look what I have in my hand?" Raven sang in a singsong voice excitedly as she waved a device that resembled a walkie-talkie in size and shape in the air.

"That's...very small." Clarke commented.

"Well, Princess buzz kill, the size shouldn't be our concern, should it?"

"Right, my bad. Thank you for this guys."

"No prob. We are used to saving the world, Princess." Octavia said jokingly.

"Well, these-" Wick was interrupted by a knock on Clarke's door. They found Vera standing there who informed them that it was time to leave.

"Let's do this!" Raven exclaimed and started walking. Octavia and Wick followed her but Clarke remained behind.

"Clarke?"

"I wanted to thank you, Vera." Clarke said.

"You don't need to. In fact, it is I who should be thanking you. You've made my friend smile again." Vera said smiling easily, each word full of sincerity and this was what made Clarke realize that she had judged Vera too harshly because of her jealousy of the relation she had enjoyed with the Commander.

"I owe you an apology, Vera. I...I have been cold towards you because I...I thought you were involved with Lexa."

Vera laughed a hearty laugh at this.

"Lexa is beautiful but I have already given my heart to someone else, Sky Princess. I am to wed him soon. Besides, only you can bring that kind of joy to the Commander."

"Now that's a lie. Lexa is herself when she is with you, she is happy."

Vera shook her head slowly. "Not really. She just knows I worry about her a lot and we both know Lexa doesn't like to cause others discomfort and so she pretends or at least used to. This time, for the first time in a long time, her laugh was actually meaningful. So yes, I do owe you a thank you."

Clarke blushed but nodded at the same time.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that you were Lexa's general? Her Polis general? I was so confused as to why you were here in the beginning."

"I thought Lexa had told you. I mean, she did tell you I was also Anya's second; Anya was the general of Polis and Lexa couldn't take her position after her death as she had been called to command."

"That makes a lot of sense. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If Anya was a mentor to the both of you then...why is Lexa always so formal in her speech while you are...you."

Vera chuckled before explaining.

"Lexa was called in for training at a very young age and had been trained since then. I, however, became Anya's second some years after - when I was of 12 winters. Plus, I have my parents, my friends here in Polis and there's a difference between how warriors communicate and how general public does. Despite being a warrior, I've spent time with the general public more. That's why you can observe the difference in our styles."

Clarke nodded in understanding and then bid Vera goodbye, surprising them both with a hug. Despite Vera assuring her she had no role in fixing Lexa, Clarke knew it was not the case. From what Clarke had finally understood, Vera was like family to Lexa and Clarke knew what family meant; it meant people you could go and turn to at the end of the day, when you are exhausted and broken, it meant people who actually wanted an answer when they asked 'how are you'. And at this moment Clarke was thankful to whatever gods out there for giving Lexa at least one person like that.

The journey to the City of Lights was, in one word, horrible. They had been riding their horses for hours. Occasionally they would stop but it was to give the animals some time to rest and to feed. However, resting seemed useless to Clarke as her thighs ached like crazy and her palms were scratched from holding the reins. She felt no better with the small breaks that they took. She was so tired. Lexa, however, had insisted that they needed to complete the journey tonight as it would be much more uncomfortable to cross the desert in the afternoon, under the scorching heat of the sun. This was motivation enough to keep the Sky People moving. Lexa had only taken up one warrior with her - her name was Echo and Clarke had been informed that she had been among the ones rescued from the Mountain.

Throughout the journey, Wick and Raven's banter kept them entertained and occasionally one of them would join in. Clarke was truly surprised at Raven's energy to talk non-stop. Even when Wick would stop, the girl wouldn't. She hadn't heard her talk this much...since Finn. This thought unexpectedly brought a smile on her face.

Lexa was trotting right next to Clarke's horse and had been witnessing the constant frown on the blonde's face. She felt sorry for her but some part of her was amused too. Because she was observing the same constant expression on Clarke's face for some time and also because nothing did go unnoticed by her, she was pleasantly surprised at the smile that formed on the blonde's face.

"What has you smiling all of a sudden, Clarke?" She asked curiously.

Clarke shook her head before answering, "It's nice to have Raven back."

"I wasn't aware that she had left. Bellamy had only said you did."

"Not 'left' left. She had just...become quiet after Finn's death."

Lexa's brows arched in disbelief before she recomposed herself. Clarke inwardly chuckled.

"It is understandable. Losing someone you love is difficult but her warrior seems to make her happy." Lexa said, gesturing with her head towards Wick.

Clarke nodded and, taking out her pouch of water, said, "I've noticed. He makes her smile again."

"She is lucky to have him as I am to have you."

Lexa said it so smoothly and unexpectedly that water sputtered out from Clarke's mouth.

Lexa chuckled, clearly bemused.

Before Clarke had time to say anything, Echo said something to the Commander in Trigedasleng. Lexa nodded and, turning towards Clarke, said,

"We are almost there."

Once they entered the territory of the City of lights, all the Sky People's mouth dropped open. Echo also had a surprised expression on her face, though it was much better concealed. Clarke rubbed her eyes to confirm she wasn't dreaming. She wasn't. All of them dismounted their horse and tied them to solar panel pillars.

The city was...marvellous but bare. The roads were paved and there even were some vehicles on the road, but no population. Electricity was clearly available thanks to the numerous solar panels.

"What is this?" Echo asked, her voice full of surprise and curiosity, as she peaked inside one of the cars.

"This is known as a car. It was used as a means of transportation before the Earth was bombed." Wick explained, circling the car and looking at it in wonder.

"Wick, does it have a key?" Octavia asked enthusiastically.

"Unfortunately no, but I can spark the-"

"We don't have time for this right now." Lexa said sharply and started moving forward. Clarke nodded towards Wick and followed Lexa. It surprised Clarke how well Lexa knew the place. It made Clarke ponder over Lexa's relationship with Costia, what it must have been like. A young adventurous Lexa exploring the lands with Costia? Living burden-freely, care-freely? Actually living.

"You know this place well." Clarke couldn't help but comment.

Lexa nodded and said, "Like I said, I have been here before."

Then, after a few minutes, she added, "Some of my books come from here. There were a lot of technological things which we failed to understand but books were always a friend."

Clarke detected the pain Lexa was trying to conceal from her stiff gait, from her hold on her sword's hilt. She gently placed her hand on top of hers and applied gentle pressure there, letting her know that she didn't have to face this alone. She didn't need to be haunted by the place on her own.

"Do you have any idea where this bomb could be, Commander?" Raven asked.

"I do and we are going there right now."

"This is a mansion!" Wick exclaimed while Lexa, Echo, Octavia and Clarke unsheathed their swords.

"Ah...you guys are armed." Raven said lamely.

Clarke rolled her eyes at the lack of weapons in the hand of her technical people.

"Octavia hand Wick and Raven the guns you have." She ordered.

"There's no one here!" Wick protested, clearly not wanting to hold the weapon.

"Precaution is better than cure." Clarke muttered as she followed Echo and Lexa who had ignored the Sky People and started moving already.

Lexa kicked open one door after the other but found nothing. There were hundreds of empty rooms.

"We need to go to the top floor. That's where usually control panels are." Raven said as her eyes spotted a staircase. She started walking upwards, without waiting for the others but her injured leg made her slow, which made the others catch up with her easily. Wick wnet past her and took the first step on the floor.

"Guess Raven was right after all." Wick said as he barely dodged gunshots.

"What the hell was that?" Clarke asked, pulling Wick towards her.

"They are here. The Mountain Men. The prisoners lied...there are eight of them. And the control panels are here, the room's door is open."

Clarke was impressed by Wick's observation skills and dipped her head in appreciation.

Just then they heard boots moving towards them.

"Come out boy! We know you are here!"

"We need to get in the control room!" Clarke whispered to Lexa who nodded.

"Echo and Octavia will handle them. You need to slip past us and finish the job."

Clarke looked at Lexa, at those beautiful green eyes. They showed no sign of fear, just determination. They showed the warmth, the love, the affection that Clarke wanted. Clarke borrowed her strength from Lexa and nodded.

Lexa whispered orders to Echo and Octavia in Trigedasleng and got out of their hiding. Blood splattered on Clarke's face as Lexa slit the first man's throat.

"Let's go, Princess!" Raven said and ran past the battlefield to the room at the other end of the floor. Clarke followed her hard on her heels. She knew Wick was right behind her. One of the soldiers spotted them and lunged towards Clarke, which made Clarke presume that he was out of bullets. She didn't hesitate running her sword through him. However she knew she didn't have time to pull it out of his body. She ignored it, letting it stick from the man's abdomen on the ground, and somehow made her way to the room unscathed. Wick, however, hadn't been so lucky and his arm was bleeding badly when he entered the room.

There, instead of relief, they found Raven pointing a gun at a man sitting on the chair right in front of the control panel.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

He didn't reply so Raven pulled off the safety of the pistol.

"Don't shoot me, please."

"Then speak." Clarke said harshly. It was clear to Clarke that the man wasn't brave.

"We...we had planned to destroy the bomb. It turned out to be impossible but we managed to decrease the magnitude of its destruction. This way we will remain safe while those bloody outsiders...not so much."

"Kill him." Clarke ordered.

Raven didn't need to be told twice.

Wick quickly took over his seat and started tapping on multiple buttons on the keyboard.

"Oh shit." He said after a while.

"What?"

"They have indeed managed to change the strength of the bomb which will cause minimal destruction. There are two spots where it can be targeted to now."

"And?"

"One is to the sea near Polis and the other is one near Ton DC."

"How much area does the first location include?" Clarke asked through clenched teeth.

"4 clans."

"And the Ton Dc one includes-"

"No, we cannot bomb it. Our people will be targeted there, it's very close to camp Jaha." Raven quickly said.

"And Lexa's people will be targeted in Polis." She retorted.

Wick suddenly got up from his chair and grabbed Clarke's shoulders.

"Clarke, Raven and I need to go to the roof where the silo is. We will disable the bomb with the EMP but in case we fail...these are the two buttons. The right one would make it target Polis and the left, Ton DC. But you won't need to use it. " He added confidently.

"What if I don't press either?"

"Then all the cities will be destroyed. The magnitude will not decrease."

Raven then grabbed two headphones with attached microphones and handed one to Wick. She turned to Clarke and said,

"I have connected these microphones to the system so you will be able to hear us and you will be able to see us though camera number 2." With that she was gone.

Clarke quickly sat down and stared at the monitor with the camera number 2's video feed. There was a huge tank and on it, a little box with some digital numbers. Clarke couldn't read them from the feed. Clarke felt a strange sense of deja vu as she looked at the monitor. She was again sitting in front of a panel fighting for her people in a life or death matter. She felt bile rise up her throat but swallowed it down. Now was not the time.

After a few minutes, she saw Raven and Wick appear on the screen. Clarke found the button to turn up the sound and pressed it.

"We have only 5 minutes, Raven! Press the damn button." Wick's voice echoed through the room as he read the number screen that Clarke had failed to. Clarke sucked in a sharp breath at the words. She felt her eyes sting by the lack of blinking but Clarke couldn't blink. These were very precious moments. This was either life or death. Peacefulness or destruction.

"There are multiple silos, Wick! The EMP isn't powerful enough to disable them all at once. I need to do them one by one." Raven disappeared from the screen, presumably doing the manual work.

"Hand it to me, I will be quicker." Wick's voice reached Clarke. He too had left the camera's range.

Clarke looked at her watch now, her palms sweaty, her breath coming in gasps. 1 minute to go - she wanted to shout to Wick and Raven but knew she couldn't be heard.

A few more seconds and Clarke heard someone enter the room. Taking the gun from her belt, she turned around to face the intruder.

"Lexa!" She felt the momentary relief, as her mouth tasted the name, worshiped it, spoke it.

"Are they successful? " She asked.

"They are trying." 30 seconds.

"Echo and Octavia?" Clarke managed to ask.

"Injured but alive."

Suddenly they heard Raven speak again, "Wick, I think I've found some-"

"Clarke, do it. 13 seconds and counting. I cannot make it. At least 15 more silos. I'm sorry."

Blood drained from Clarke's face at these words. 7 seconds.

"What is he saying?" Lexa asked confused.

Clarke didn't bother to answer instead pressed the button on the right with her hands shaking. 2 seconds.

A deafening, loud bang echoed around the whole mansion and the glass from several windows shattered.

Lexa grabbed Clarke's shoulders painfully and turned her around. The guilty-filled look of Clarke spoke volumes.

"What did you do?" She snarled.

"I am so sorry Lexa. I...I had no choice." She spoke brokenly.

"Tell me what you did Clarke!" She screamed in Clarke's ears.

"I targeted Polis to save-"

Clarke wasn't given the chance to finish her sentence as the Commander roughly shoved her to the wall and drew her sword. She placed it over Clarke's neck, applying pressure, making red liquid run down Clarke's throat.

"I had no choice, Lex-Lexa." Clarke croaked.

"You've destroyed me, Clarke. I am the Commander of my people, it is my job to protect them but now...I have no one to protect. You didn't kill them, you killed me." And just like that, the sword is dropped on the floor and hands replaced it. Hands trying to strangle Clarke. Clarke, however, reacted faster and kicked Lexa's right leg making her lose balance and fall to the ground. Then, just like Lexa had taught her, she pinned both of Lexa's hands on either sides of her and dug her shoes in Lexa's legs, making it impossible for her to move.

"You can kill me if you want but allow me to say just one selfish thing." Clarke begged.

"You have shown enough selfishness for a lifetime, Clarke!" Lexa spat.

Clarke nodded in agreement. Though she inwardly flinched at the hatred that was palpable when Lexa said her name.

"I have but what I am about to say is the most selfish thing I have ever said. I love you Lexa, I don't want to lose you."

With that she released Lexa who waited no time before turning Clarke over and topping her.

"Too late. I told you, you killed me along with my people."

"I-"

Lexa was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

Lexa was seething. How dared Clarke tell her she loved her after what she had just done? What was the blonde expecting of Lexa after that confession? To forgive her? To love her back? To let what happened be forgotten? Because the brunette could never forget it. What Clarke had done would haunt Lexa till the end of her days. Trusting the blonde, loving her had turned out to be Lexa's biggest mistake. A mistake that could not be undone. A mistake that had cost her the lives of thousands of her people. A mistake that had caused her the loss of a coalition she had spent half her life to build. A mistake that had reminded Lexa that love was weakness. Clarke had wiped out thousands of Lexa's people in the blink of an eye. Lexa had trusted her enough to let her lead while she fought to provide her protection. Lexa did understand that Clarke had no choice but what infuriated Lexa was that Clarke had the nerve of saying those forbidden words after what she had just done. Lexa did not need to hear that. She did not need to see tears in those blue eyes. She did not need to see agony in those same beautiful eyes she once could marvel in but now couldn't tear her own away from what horror that blue could hide. She did not need to feel sympathy for the blonde in her heart because Clarke did not deserve it. Lexa knew what she deserved. Blood must have blood. She deserved death. Death by Lexa's hands.

With the mantra prevailing in her mind, she pushed Clarke off herself and straddled her. She was about to draw out the dagger hidden in her pants' pocket when she felt how motionless Clarke's body was under hers. Clarke wasn't struggling in the slightest. She was still, waiting for her impending doom. Furious green eyes looked into the Sky Heda's guilty blue ones. The blue, lifeless, dead, tear-filled eyes. There was one emotion prevailing the storm of emotions in them - pain. Overwhelming pain. Before Lexa knew what she was doing, she was off the other girl and rushing out of the room.

She could feel her eyes beginning to sting. She fought tears from falling down. Crying now would only prove her weakness for the blonde and she refused to believe that Clarke still had a hold on her. She could not let her have that power over her. She willed herself not to cry, and her eyes and sinuses burned inside her head. She managed to hold back her tears, accumulating extra wetness in her eyes that she blinked fiercely away.

As her vision cleared, she saw her warriors injured and slumped down near the staircase. Pushing all the hurt, guilt, and pain away for her face, Lexa ran towards them. She quickly got to Octavia's injuries first; no matter what happened between Indra and her second, Lexa had always considered Octavia as Trikru. She had proved herself to Lexa. Octavia had a deep gash on her thigh and her pants were soaked in blood.

"Heda." She croaked.

Lexa nodded reassuringly and tore her red sash to wrap it around Octavia's leg.

Octavia's eyes widened. She recalled Indra telling her the sash was to never be taken off. According to the grounder culture, it had some essence of the Commander's spirit and was an essential part of the Commander. It had been passed on from the past Commanders to the present one.

"Your sash-"

"Do not worry about it, Okteivia kom Trikru." Lexa said, shaking her head. Clarke had taught Lexa to be flexible and not to follow her traditions as if her life depended on it.

Octavia managed to smile gratefully despite the agony Lexa knew she was going through. She was strong. Lexa approved of her.

After quickly patching up Octavia the best she could, she made her way to Echo to find her being already attended by the blonde-haired girl. Clarke had tied a sling around Echo's arm and around her shoulder; much similar to the one she had Lexa when they were attacked by pauna. The memory did nothing but exacerbate Lexa's suffering. The blonde was nearly done with her work and Lexa quickly turned her head towards Octavia. She could not look at Clarke without wanting tokill her, yet she knew that she just couldn't kill her. She should have killed her, but she couldn't. She didn't know how long she would wait before finally gaining the courage to tear her apart as she deserved but at present, she knew she didn't have the energy to do so.

Lexa helped Octavia up who, once she was on her feet, tried to walk on her own but stumbled. Lexa put Octavia's arm around her shoulders despite Octavia's protests.

"Heda, I am not weak." She said through gritted teeth.

"I am aware, Octavia. However, warriors do need help sometimes."

Octavia opened her mouth to say something but Lexa cut her off,

"Echo, are you well?"

"Sha, Heda." She replied as though she could muster in spite of a weak voice.

"Clarke, where are Wick and Raven?" Octavia asked.

Lexa stiffened at the question and watched impassively as the little remaining colour drained off Clarke's face. There was no way they could have survived the nuclear radiations.

"I- I am not-"

"What became of the bomb?" She asked sharply, her eyes boring into Clarke's. Lexa could feel the tension in Octavia by her tone alone. She really wasn't sure what Octavia would make of Clarke's decision once she got to know about it. Lincoln was in the villages near Polis. Octavia knew Nyko had asked him to gather some herbs from there. While her brother Bellamy was in Camp Jaha. Would she be relieved that Bellamy was safe? Or would she want to kill Clarke for evaporating Lincoln?

"I could only save-"

Lexa found there the courage to end her love's life. Her hand moved to her dagger strapped on her thigh but Octavia's weight made her unable to pull it out. Clarke stopped mid sentence as her eyes followed Lexa's hand. She instinctively moved back but Lexa nodded her head once and Echo blocked her retreat, standing right behind Clarke.

"What is happening?" Octavia finally asked, panic in her voice.

"Clarke! Come here! Please tell me you can patch her up." Wick's voice echoed all of a sudden in the corridor.

All eyes turned towards Wick's form descending down the stairs. He was cradling a motionless Raven in his arms.

Clarke ignored the hostile elements around her and ran towards her friend. She quickly placed her fingers on Raven's wrist to feel her pulse. There was none.

Clarke pressed her fingers harder to feel something, anything, hoping for a pulse, even a faint one. She grabbed her friend's wrist with both hands. Waiting. Closing her eyes harder. Tears started to slip past the closed eyelids as she realized the waiting was in vain.

"Clarke please..." Wick begged.

Clarke prayed silently to whatever Gods out there and she reached gingerly for Raven's neck, hovered over her pulse point a second and pressed the same desperate fingers. She closed her eyes again, hoping to feel a small twitch of her friend's carotid. Willing Raven's body to show some sign of life. And she waited some more. One. Two. Three.

A pulse.

A very dim pulse.

But a pulse nonetheless.

"She's alive but barely. Put her on the floor." Clarke instructed; the worry of her own life forgotten, assuming she had any.

She quickly ripped open Raven's shirt to expose parts of shards embedded in her abdomen. There was red liquid everywhere. It now coated Clarke's hands too as she quickly but carefully removed the iron fragments.

"I need water to clean her up."

Just as the words were out of her mouth, she was presented with it. She looked up in question to find Lexa holding her pouch of water towards her. Clarke didn't have time to read her expressions or try to figure out the meaning of the gesture. Her friend was moments away from leaving her forever. She could not have another death on her hands.

Wick took off his shirt and handed it to Clarke who soaked the cloth with water and started to clean the wounds. She heard Octavia limping towards the scene but she didn't bother turning or telling her about Raven's condition because it was clearly visible to everyone. She wasn't willing to give anyone else false hope anymore.

"I need some bandages or some material to stop the bleeding. She has already lost a lot of blood. If she loses more I fear we might lose her."

"I'll go look for them. I am sure this place must have something." Wick gently put Raven's head on the floor and ran downstairs.

"Clarke, apply this. Indra had taught me how to make this ointment, it salves pain." Octavia offered Clarke a bottle of green paste.

Clarke did as she was told and, to her relief, heard a sigh from Raven's mouth before her eyes fluttered open. She tried to speak but the anguish she was feeling wouldn't allow her to utter a word.

"Shh, Rae. Don't push yourself."

But Raven was hardly known for taking orders.

"Princess, I know how to -" And she fainted.

"I couldn't find bandages. These rags were only what I thought could be used instead. I found some alcohol too." Wick said as he ran towards the group.

Clarke took the materials from his hand and, saying nothing, poured alcohol on the wounds marking Raven's abdomen. The burning pain brought Raven back to consciousness and she instinctively tried to move away from Clarke.

"Let me just clean the wound properly Raven. It'll be just a few moments." Clarke murmured.

This however did not stop Raven from thrashing wildly when Clarke poured more of the burning liquid on the totally torn skin. Wick, who was holding Raven's hands, failed to protect Clarke from her kicks and Clarke was momentarily knocked on the side by the protests. Clarke didn't have to worry anymore about Raven's aggressive limbs when she got up as Lexa was holding her still. Clarke thanked her with a small nod, not daring to look into those green piercing eyes. Once the wounds were cleaned with alcohol, Clarke applied the grounder salve on them and wrapped the rags around Raven's torso.

Raven had visibly relaxed in the past few minutes but was still breathing heavily.

"Give her some water to drink." Clarke instructed.

Wick complied and, after a few gulps, Raven managed to say,

"Bitch, you have alcohol and you are making me drink water?"

Clarke chuckled despite the tension in the room and handed the bottle to Raven. However, someone else's hand stopped her.

"How are you alive?" Lexa asked.

"Honestly, I think she is just super lucky. She was so close to the missile that-" Wick started.

"Missile?" Clarke questioned.

"Yes. The pointy thing is called a missile Clarke." Wick answered a bit bewildered that Clarke didn't know what a missile looked like.

"I know what a missile looks like, Wick." Clarke said, rolling her eyes.

"Then why-"

"A nuclear bomb exploded, not a missile." Clarke stated, earning gasps from Octavia and Echo. Lexa just clenched her jaw. Clarke didn't need to look at her to know this.

Wick on the other hand sighed in despair,

"The camera wasn't working?"

"Stop stalling and say what you have to." Lexa ordered as she stood up, the sheer action speaking volumes of who was in charge now. Clarke gulped.

"Our Electronic Pulse Generator wasn't powerful enough to disable the bomb and it was clear we were going to fail trying to shut them out one by one, as the little device in our hands allowed. I knew it was not possible but yet I kept on going. There was nothing else I could do." Wick paused before continuing again.

"Raven, however, spotted a missile. A missile can be used to produce a large radius of EMP. All you need to do is capture a missile silo that has an intercontinental ballistic missile inside and launch it, then detonate it when it's a few hundred kilometres above the surface of the planet. Raven did just that. But the missile controls were too close to the missile, as I assume it was still in the process of being built and so Raven suffered. She-"

Wick continued on what happened after that but Clarke wasn't listening. She turned her head and met Lexa's eyes Both had the same question in them. Lexa was the one who had the force to voice it.

"The bomb didn't explode?"

"...so she failed to run. What commander?" Wick asked, caught off guard.

"The bomb didn't explode?" This time she couldn't keep her voice emotionless. In truth, it was laced with hope.

"No, I told you-"

But Lexa was once again gone. However, this time Clarke followed her.

Lexa took the stairs 3 at the time till she reached the rooftop. She had to make sure what Wick had said was true before assuming anything. Before believing that her people were safe, that they were not wiped out. Before assuming Clarke had not killed them.

As soon as she stepped on the roof, heat greeted her. It was really really hot but that did not stop Lexa from moving forward. She needed to see it.

She moved towards the source of heat till she saw a huge dam that was labelled as "Danger."

"This is the bomb." A voice behind her whispered. Lexa didn't turn around. She knew whose voice it was but she didn't want to acknowledge it though she knew she had to as the footsteps of the owner of the voice approached her. She nodded, hoping that would stop the blonde from moving towards her. She didn't.

Instead, trembling hands were placed on her shoulders. They grew firm as they turned the Commander around, making her face the intruder.

"Lex, they are all fine."

These words were the Commander's undoing and she, for the first time, broke down in tears in front of another human being willingly. She let herself be wrapped in the arms of the Sky Princess. She let her tears wet Clarke's shirt. She let Clarke murmur nonsense as she stroked her hair. She let Clarke's soothing scent engulf her. Lexa let go of all her fears, all her guilt, all her pain, in the tears that left her eyes. She let herself become bare of all the feelings. She let herself be held by Clarke even when the sobs stopped. She let Clarke wipe out the remnants of tears on her face. She let her plant soft kisses on her face. However, when Clarke's face moved back and her eyes asked silent permission by drifting to Lexa's lips, Lexa pushed Clarke away and distanced herself from her, taking two steps back in two long strides. Clarke's eyes flew up to Lexa's as she read into the action. The eyes that were so filled with emotions a moment ago were now void of any.

"Lexa, please. I am sorry." Clarke begged.

"I know you are." Lexa said, her voice concealing in every way possible what had just transpired between them.

"Your people are safe." Clarke further said.

"I know they are." Lexa answered monotonously.

"I...I love you."

"I know you do." This time her voice wavered a bit.

Clarke took a small step forward and waited for Lexa to take another one back. She didn't.

This encouraged Clarke to take another one forward.

Lexa's jaw clenched and she balled her hands into fists to remain motionless and focused.

Clarke's hand came up and ran across Lexa's jaw line.

"Do you not love me?" She whispered, her voice hesitant, nervous and full of vulnerability.

And this was what made Lexa bend down, put her hand on Clarke's neck and gently bring her in for a kiss. Clarke closed her eyes as Lexa's lips came in contact with hers. Lexa kissed her softly, like she would break any moment. She kissed her like she was a ghost who would disappear at the first gust of wind. She kissed her like she was the most precious thing in the world. She kissed her like no one had. She kissed her with so much care and so much love. She kissed her like she was intending to plant the memory of this kiss forever in Clarke's mind. She kissed her like this was the last kiss.

Lexa broke the kiss but kept her forehead in contact with the other girl's as she whispered,

"You hold my heart, Klark."

Clarke's eyes fluttered open at the sound of her name from Lexa's lips. She had a way of saying her name, a way of pronouncing it that made Clarke love it every time. She loved her name on Lexa's lips.

"But love is not enough for us, Clarke." Lexa added in a sigh.

"But it is." Clarke protested. She knew what was coming.

Lexa shook her head and, willing herself to stay strong, continued.

"We both are leaders to our people and we both have proved that they will always come first as they should. We cannot have a future together in this life, Clarke. However, in next-"

"Stop with the next life bullshit right here, Commander. I want you in this life, in this world." Clarke said angrily.

"You had killed my people, Clarke of the Sky People." Lexa said, gritting her teeth.

"But did they really die?" Clarke fired back.

"Did you do anything to stop that? No."

"I didn't have a choice! I didn't want to hurt your people but I couldn't let mine die either!" Clarke desperately argued.

"I know." Lexa whispered and gave Clarke a meaningful look. Clarke shut up as she realised what Lexa was trying to say. They could never be together and be leaders of their people at the same time. It was not possible for either of them to not be leaders of their people. However, it was possible for them to not be lovers.

Silence enveloped them but neither dared to break it. In fact, they relished the precious few moments they had together because, after that, they both knew their ways would part.

"It's time to go, Clarke." Lexa said resigned.

Clarke nodded and followed Lexa as she walked towards the staircase. However, she halted after a few steps and turned around to the blonde who had a questioning look on her face.

"I wanted to kill you after what you did." Lexa confessed.

"I know." Clarke said, smiling.

Her smile brought a frown on her face and she raised an eyebrow.

"It's just...it was so expected of you. Yet, you did not kill me." Clarke explained.

"I did not...I probably could not." Lexa further confessed.

Clarke hummed before asking,

"Lexa...do...do you forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive you for. We are even now." A pause. "We both are leaders." Lexa added and walked away.

Clarke stayed for a while as she absorbed the meaning behind the simple sentence that Lexa had said. They were leaders. They belonged to their people. They had no choice of their own. No power of their own. No desire of their own.

...

Once they all reached the door of the building, Wick insisted that he could make the car run despite the date of its manufacture. Clarke trusted Wick for Raven and hence agreed. He quickly started off with the work.

Meanwhile, Lexa and Echo sat on their horses ready to go.

"Commander, if Wick manages to fix the car, it'll make the journey much shorter and less comfortable too. Please join us." Octavia, who was supported by Clarke in an upright position, said.

"No Octavia. We will be going to Polis not Ton DC."

"But I-"

"You are ordered to stay at Ton DC. You will be our bridge between the Sky People and the Trikru. Lincoln will join you there shortly."

"Sha Heda."

"May we meet again."

Lexa finally looked into those blue eyes whose gaze she had felt boring into her throughout the entire conversation. Lexa was surprised to find them so calm and composed. And she was proud at the blonde for this. She knew how to put up a face for her people. She knew how to be a leader for her people. However, when Clarke lips twitched upwards and gave her a small, parting smile, Lexa no longer wanted to be the leader of her people. All she wanted was to get off her horse and cover the distance better her and the Sky Heda, wrap her in her arms and never let her go. But she didn't do that. She couldn't. Instead she nodded at her and motioned her horse forward. Behind her she could hear the roaring of the car as it came to life. Under normal circumstances she would have tried to quench her curiosity and watched the show but she couldn't do it in this place with all the memories it held. Memories of letting go of the one person who had managed to break through her walls. Memories of being broken and being rebuilt by her. Memories of wanting to kiss her and kill her. Memories of Clarke Griffin at her best and at her worst.

This place wasn't only painful because of these new memories. It was painful because it held the memories of Costia too. This place held the remnants of Costia's laugh. It held the memory of them talking about their future under a starry night. It held the memory of her teasing the Commander, of her kissing her senseless, of her loving her and of Lexa loving her back. It had a part of Lexa in it. And Lexa knew she could never have that part of her back. Coming here hadn't been as difficult as she thought it would be; she had the blonde with her, who had done a very good job at making Lexa forget about her past but now that she was alone, all the ghosts of her past were revisiting her.

She saw Echo eyeing a beautiful clearing with interest. It was just as beautiful as Lexa remembered it. Lexa didn't want to remember it, she didn't want to think about any more memories but it seemed fate was against her as her horse literally ran into the clearing. Echo chuckled as her horse followed.

Before Lexa knew it she was standing in the beautiful clearing. Echo had gone to feed the presumably hungry horses leaving Lexa alone with the crowd of happy flowers. They were of different colours and sizes yet they were all beautiful. They were content. They did not have to fight for life and run from death. They did not have hatred for yesterday or a burning desire for tomorrow. They did not have the weight of guilt, responsibility or accountability on their shoulders. They were happy staying together despite their differences. They didn't have to choose their family over their friends. They were fortunate to sing happy songs together; they were fortunate to dance peaceful songs together. They were lucky to have no human trait in them. They were lucky to not be humans. Lexa sighed audibly as she sat down on the grass and her eyes landed on the white jasmine, absorbing the sunlight happily.

Costia's favourite flowers. Lexa recalled how thrilled she was when she had found this clearing. How excited she was to show it to Costia. She recalled how annoyed Costia was as Lexa had covered her eyes and led her to this place. Costia hated suspense and mystery; she was curious by nature and wanted to disclose everything she could in minimum time. Lexa then recalled her 17 winter-old self's anticipation as she uncovered Costia's eyes. She recalled the soft gasp that had escaped Costia's mouth, the look of pure awe on her beautiful face as she took in her surroundings. She recalled her twirling in between the same flowers, which were surrounding Lexa now. She recalled Costia sniffing them and telling her excitedly about their unique scents. She recalled Costia plucking out a jasmine flower and presenting it to her. She recalled how her face heated up on the attention and she recalled Costia's soft laughter as she pointed out the red on Lexa's face. She recalled Costia putting a strand of her hair behind her ear before gently cupping her face and kissing her tenderly. She recalled the taste of Costia's lips on hers. She recalled her elated heartbeat as Costia brought their bodies closer. She recalled her own anticipation, excitement and nervousness as Cosita slowly took off her armour, carefully unbuttoned her shirt and looked at Lexa with those dark, dilated pupils. She recalled spending the entire night with Costia in this clearing. She recalled the feeling of being loved beyond bonds and being free of all her burdens. She recalled Clarke's face as she kissed her back. Clarke?!

Lexa shook her head to clear it. She was immediately brought back to the present where Echo was approaching her with the reins of both their horses. It was time to leave.

Clarke was engulfed in a hug as soon as she entered the gates of camp Jaha. Her mother had nearly knocked her down on the ground with the force of the hug.

"You are alive. You are safe." She sobbed.

"Yes mom, I am in one piece. Relax." Clarke said chuckling and trying her best to hide her own tears. At one point, she had thought she would never get to see her mom again. Never be able to tell her goodbye. Never be able to tell her how much she loved her again. But Clarke thanked the heavens she had been wrong.

Abby laughed through her tears and nodded.

"Mom, Raven needs your help." Clarke said urgently, as she saw Wick moving towards them from her periphery.

"Get her in the medical bay, Jackson." She instructed, her doctor mode taking over her motherly instinct.

Clarke was about to follow, but Indra halted her by standing right in front of her. Clarke wasn't even aware of her presence until then.

"Where is the Commander?" She snarled.

"Polis." Clarke answered flatly.

"The bomb?"

"Disposed off."

Indra merely nodded before she left camp Jaha.

Ton DC had been rebuilt a month after Clarke's journey to the City of Lights. The Sky People were invited to the inauguration of the village. Clarke didn't want to have to go to the ceremony but she couldn't convince anyone as apparently her presence had been specifically requested by the people of Ton DC. Clarke didn't want to go to that place for the obvious reason - Lexa.

However, as she had no other choice but to attend the ceremony, she found herself standing in the front of the crowd while the great Commander made a speech about the courage and bravery of the people of Ton DC. It was obvious that Lexa was trying her best not to meet the Sky Princess's eyes as she let her eyes wander to the crowd except the front centre and Clarke was more than okay with that. She couldn't look at the green eyes without wanting more from what life had given her. She couldn't let herself drown in those forest green eyes and forget how to breathe again. But fate, as usual, wasn't kind to her and Lexa had to address Clarke as she said,

"Clarke of the Sky People, the people of Ton DC have offered to make the newly built Ton DC a shared ground of both mine and your people. They want you to accept this as a gift for all that you have done. For making the Mountain Men meet their end and for saving them from the bomb."

The green eyes tried to remain as composed as possible as they met the blue ones. The Sky Princess had told her she could read her through her eyes thus Lexa was willing them to remain emotionless. Either Lexa succeeded in her mission or Clarke no longer cared for what she felt as Clarke quickly accepted the preposition and didn't approach Lexa for the entire night.

The truth was Lexa had failed miserably to keep her eyes emotionless. Clarke had read all the emotions there and it had broken and built her at the same time. Lexa was in pain but not unhappy. She was proud of her people, of their people, she was happy for them. She, however, was back to being the robot Clarke had come to know in the initial days of her meeting Lexa. Clarke wanted to cry for just knowing this. Life was so unfair; Lexa deserved happiness. Her own happiness. But Clarke knew she couldn't do anything about it anymore so she didn't even try. In fact, she tried to stay as far away from the Commander as she could throughout the celebration. She successfully managed to do so until she went to sleep - where the Commander visited her in her slumber, as it came to happen every night since their last kiss.

Lexa had visited different clans after her infamous journey to the City of Lights. She had overlooked all the affairs in the clans herself. She had gained the clans leaders' trust back. She had blossomed as the Commander like no other had. She had even managed to reach an understanding with the Ice Queen.

However, none of this had been difficult for Lexa. It had required immense effort but Lexa was a born leader and a trained warrior - she was used to this. What had been difficult was crossing path with Clarke from time to time. Crossing path but not coming face to face with her. She wanted to say so many things to her. She wanted to hear so much from her. But she couldn't. She wanted to touch the other girl, feel the pulse coursing beneath her flesh, smell her hair, touch her lips... But she couldn't. Instead she had to watch stoically as the other girl tried, with miserable attempts, to show her that she was fine, that she wasn't hurting like Lexa was. Life was unfair indeed. Clarke didn't deserve this. She deserved happiness. Lexa hated herself for being the one who had taken it away from her, yet again.

One year later:

Lexa was sitting in her bedroom in Polis, reading a book. Suddenly she heard a knock on her door, startling her from her quiet. She frowned, recalling it was past the visiting hours. When she opened the door she found Jenna, a very good friend of Vera, standing there. Lexa had grown used to her presence over time so she smiled and welcomed her in. To say Lexa was friends with Jenna was wrong. She was just an advisor to Lexa. However, Jenna had confessed her interest in Lexa a few months ago only to be turned down by the Commander, though in a very gentle manner. Lexa had explained to Jenna that she was not ready to be in any kind of relationship with anyone, her commandership didn't allow it. Since then there had been some coldness in their interactions but Lexa wasn't really bothered by it. She had said the truth and didn't regret it the slightest.

"What brings you here at this hour Jenna?" Lexa asked as Jenna took a seat on the chair Lexa was previously occupying. This left Lexa no other choice than sitting on her bed.

"I couldn't sleep, Heda." She said innocently and baited her eyes.

Lexa was no child; she knew where this was going thus replied in a rather aggressive tone,

"Then you should see a healer, Jenna. I am sure you are aware I am no healer."

"But you are the healer that my body needs." She rasped and took a few steps towards Lexa. She stopped a few millimetres away from her before adding.

"I don't want a relationship with you Leksa. Not if you are not ready. I just want you." With that she popped open the buttons of her cloak to reveal herself dressed in nothing.

Lexa eyed her for a moment. There was no denying she was beautiful. Her skin was flawless. Probably like Clarke's. She shook her head. It had been nearly a year and yet she failed to think of anyone other than Clarke in her free time. Maybe this will help.

With this thought, Lexa pressed her lips to Jenna's. Jenna's mouth was ready for her Heda's. She tried to kiss her tenderly but her Commander had other plans. She kissed her roughly and urgently. Lexa grabbed her and threw her on her bed, though a bit careful in her actions this time. Then Jenna quickly helped Lexa get rid of her shirt as the Commander crawled over her. Jenna knew that this probably meant nothing to her Commander but it meant a lot to her. She was not in love with the Commander, but she wanted her to be happy. She wanted to pleasure the Commander even if it was only for one night. She wanted that privilege.

Jenna's thoughts were brought to a halt as Lexa took in one of her peaked nipples in her mouth. She circled the perked bud with her tongue, sucked on it and nipped it between her teeth. Jenna couldn't help but think Lexa was a generous lover. This wasn't about her though. She wanted to pleasure the Commander, her Heda. With this intent, she flipped them over to have Lexa on her back and straddled her waist. She kissed her skin purposefully, leaving a hot trail of open-mouthed kisses along Lexa's torso and belly while her hands move around her body, grabbing at her breast and hips. However, as her hands moved to the buckles of Lexa's pants, she heard her murmur someone else's name. Jenna looked up to find Lexa's eyes were closed and she wasn't probably aware of who was on top of her. What name was it? Jenna wasn't sure but it hurt to know it wasn't hers nonetheless. Regardless, she continued her ministrations. But just as she was about to take Lexa's pants off, a hand stopped her. She looked up again to find a tear-soaked, broken looking Commander.

"Please leave." Lexa whispered in such a heart breaking tone that Jenna couldn't help but flinch back. She didn't ask a thing before rushing out of the Commander's room and disappearing from her line of sight forever.

Lexa wiped away the tears that had escaped her eyes as she redressed herself up. What was she thinking? That spending one night with someone else would make her forget about the blonde when a whole year apart from her couldn't? Heck, she couldn't even enjoy someone else's touch without thinking about her. Thinking about her mouth instead on her bedmate's. Thinking about her soft hands on her body instead of Jenna's. Thinking about her body pressed to the blonde's instead of the brunette's. She couldn't even stop herself from whispering Clarke's name, as she got lost in the sensations. And as soon as Lexa realized this 'therapy' wouldn't work, she asked the other woman to leave.

Lexa quickly got out of her oppressing room and out of her lonely building. She walked towards the one place where she knew she could forget all her worries for a while. She knew the time for visiting the children was anything but appropriate but when had she ever visited them during the day? She didn't want to bring the children under limelight. She didn't want them to feel the pity of others, nor did she want to be praised unnecessarily for what was her responsibility. The children of her deceased warriors were her responsibility. For all these reasons, she visited the children at night.

However, her visits were always announced. It wasn't the case this time as she was visiting them for herself. She needed them. It was a first to both doing something selfish and willingly seeking comfort from others. Her people came first, they always did and Lexa had always been the voice to emphasize that one golden duty of hers and all previous Commanders. But tonight she would put herself above their need and think about herself for once. She needed her people's strength, her wards' resilience, a reminder that she had done the right thing.

The children were asleep when she arrived and the caretaker asked if they were to be woken up. Lexa obviously declined the offer and instead watched their sleeping forms with a content smile. This was what her commandership brought; the peaceful sleep of these children, the assurance that their number wouldn't increase. This was why she couldn't hate being the Commander. This was the reminder Lexa needed.

Some part of her mind though knew this wouldn't be a strong enough reminder forever.

Clarke watched amusedly as Bellamy was making some excuse as to why he was delayed coming back from Ton DC again. His relationship with Echo was no secret to anyone but he liked to pretend that he was not head over heels in love with her. Like he did not own the soft side that Echo very clearly brought about him.

Clarke was happy for him, there was no denying that. But it still hurt her a bit to see how Bellamy and Echo were making it work despite the hindrances in their way. She sighed. They were allowed to make it work, unlike her and Le...No, she would not go there. She had no control over her dreams and unconscious longings but she would not be caught thinking about her heart's desire during the day. It had been a year. A whole year trying to not think about that one person. Every day had proven her that it was a lost cause. And after a year, Clarke knew that a whole lifetime wouldn't be enough to forget about her.

Clarke was lost in her thoughts until the sudden hustle in Camp Jaha brought her back to reality.

"What's the matter, Miller?"

"Apparently, the scouts have reported that the Commander is approaching here."

"Why?"

"You are asking me?"

Clarke rolled her eyes as she got up from the boulder she was resting her ass on.

She walked towards the gate and the Commander indeed was riding towards the Ark. Lexa was no longer unwelcomed in Camp Jaha. In fact people actually admired and respected her now but she had never visited them unannounced.

To Clarke's sheer damn luck, her mother had gone to Polis along with Nyko to trade some medical herbs from the city. This left Clarke to greet and deal with the Commander.

Sighing, Clarke moved her legs forward as she watched Lexa dismount her horse and tie it right next to the car that had literally saved Raven's life. The car had been used quite frequently by the Sky People since then.

"Lexa." Clarke greeted her. She hadn't had to converse with her on a one to one basis since forever and thus had always called her by her title when in her presence surrounded by others. But apparently, old habits died hard and as soon as her brain found them conversing privately, it made her tongue say the Commander's name instead of her title.

Clarke saw Lexa's lips twitch upwards before she said her name and nodded at her. Clarke had gotten used to the grounder greeting style and the lack of usage of words no longer annoyed her.

"What brings you here?"

"Can't I come for a visit?" Lexa answered by asking her own question, which took Clarke off guard. Lexa's tone was not formal at all, neither was her answer/question.

"Of-of course you can. But if you're here on business, I must inform you that my mo-the Chancellor is in Polis and won't be back for a few days." She stuttered. She then peeked behind Lexa to find no one standing with her. She had come alone.

"I didn't come here for business." Lexa looked at her expectantly and Clarke eyed her, bewildered. However, Lexa didn't say anything more but merely observed her.

Clarke could feel the people start to gather.

Gritting her teeth she said,

"Follow me Commander."

She led Lexa to the all-familiar meeting room, only to find it locked. Clarke turned around embarrassed and cursed her mom internally for locking the freaking meeting room.

"Umm...I think there's some problem with the door...let me take you elsewhere." Clarke mumbled in the face of a smirking Commander. Lexa obviously knew that the door was locked.

Clarke didn't know where else to take Lexa so she reluctantly brought her to her room.

Lexa shut the door behind her as she entered the other girl's room. Then she very casually took a seat on her bed, all the while aware of the other girl's eyes following her every movement.

"What do you want, L-Commander?" Clarke asked, mentally scolding herself for the obvious near-slip of her tongue.

"I don't want to do this again." Lexa said in an annoyed tone.

"Do what?"

"Teaching you to call me by my name like I had to after Mount Weather."

Silence followed Lexa's statement and tension filled the room.

"Well, I can't call you by your name because I don't see a reason to. We are nothing but leaders to one another."

"Can't we be friends?" Lexa asked.

"I would want to be, but I can't."

"Why?"

"You know why." Clarke whispered and sat beside Lexa on her bed, not meeting her eyes.

"You can either be friends with someone or be in love with them. You can't be both." Lexa answered for Clarke.

Clarke sucked in a breath but remained motionless. She couldn't say or do anything.

"Anya told me that once." Lexa continued.

Clarke could feel the wetness in her eyes and rapidly blinked to drive the tears away.

Lexa, however, was quicker. She turned sideways, and collected the tears of the blonde beauty on her fingers before they could drop down her cheeks.

"Why-why are you here, Lexa? Is it to confirm whether or not I still love you? Is it to torment me by showing what I can't have? Is it to-"

Lexa shushed her up with a kiss. She expected Clarke to kiss her back, and was taken off guard when the blonde flinched and pushed her face away from Lexa's.

"I can't. I can't do this Lexa. I can't let you kiss me when you feel like it. I can't be in a relationship with you and know it won't last. I am sorry, I...I just can't." With that, the glistering blue-eyed girl got up to leave but Lexa grabbed her wrist and stopped her from doing so.

She then gingerly turned the blonde around.

"I love you too much for that to happen. I cannot cause you any more pain. I cannot cause myself any more pain, Clarke." She said brushing her knuckles along Clarke's jaw. She took it as a positive sign when Clarke didn't flinch away from her touch.

"I thought staying away from you might dim the craving I have for you. For your love. For your presence. But I was wrong, Clarke. So wrong. My love for you only has grown."

"Lexa, please don't. You know we can never be. Don't tell me what you feel, make me feel loved because it would only make this harder for me." Clarke begged as she tried to tug her wrist away from Lexa. But Lexa wouldn't let go. She wasn't holding her as tightly that it would hurt her but she wasn't letting her go either.

"I have to make the pain stop, Clarke." She whispered.

"Wha-"

"Please tell me you will make the pain stop, Clarke." She pleaded.

"What are you talking about, Lexa?"

Lexa bent on her knees and extracted a ring in answer to her question,

"Clarke Griffin, daughter of Abigail and Jake Griffin, will you honour me by marrying me?"

Clarke's jaw dropped on the floor as she watched the great Commander on her knees in front of her, with a ring in her hand and eyes brimming with tears.

"We can make my people and yours our people, Clarke. We can be one."

Clarke started to shake her head and Lexa quickly continued as if her life depended on what she was saying. And in a way, it was.

"Our people have intermingled in ways I did not think possible, Clarke. We have children whose parents are Triku and Skaikru. We can make it work now. That is if you accept me."

"I do, Lexa."

Lexa finally let go of her own tears as she placed the ring on Clarke's middle finger.

"Lex, the ring is placed in the finger next to this one." Clarke stated laughing.

"Bellamy didn't tell me that." Lexa mumbled as she quickly amended her mistake.

"Bellamy told you how to propose in our way?" Clarke asked surprised. When had he met Lexa? Then Clarke recalled that he had gone to the Grounder Capitol 2 months back with Echo.

"He indeed did after I informed him of our ways. Apparently he has taken quite a liking in Echo."

"He has. But enough of that. Come here." Clarke said as she brought her lips towards Lexa's. However, just as their lips were about to come in contact, thunder struck loudly, making Clarke yelp in surprise. Lexa chuckled and Clarke glared at her.

Then she pulled Lexa out of her quarters into the open area.

"Clarke, what are you doing? It's raining! Come inside!"

Clarke turned around to face the Commander and the dark look in the blonde's eyes was enough to shut her up. No more words were said between them. Anything that could be said was lost in the crash of thunder, the drum of rain, the beat of Lexa's heart.

They had been apart for far too long. Lexa ached to touch and taste Clarke. She quickly moved the dripping blonde hair away from Clarke's face as she bent her head to kiss the raindrops from Clarke's eyelashes. She pressed her cold nose against Clarke's cheek and then moved lower to her neck. As she grazed her teeth against Clarke's pulse point, Clarke gasped and tilted her chin up. Lexa took advantage, mouthing over her collarbone and sliding her tongue over her throat. She then moved her lips to Clarke's and kissed her gently. Clarke responded to the kiss immediately and pulled at Lexa's lower lip with her teeth. Lexa moaned in pleasure but cut off the kiss to look into the blonde's eyes and found the other girl smiling at her.

"I love you." Lexa said so softly that Clarke barely heard her.

"I love you too." She whispered back, staring at her lips for just a second before bringing them in contact with hers again.

"Mmm...Clarke you are so beautiful, like a zombie." Lexa said as they took another break from the kiss to breath in the air they needed.

"What?" Clarke asked in a high-pitched voice.

"I was told that zombies are beautiful creatures, Clarke." Lexa stated innocently.

"By whom?" Clarke asked as she gritted her teeth.

"Octavia." Lexa said frowning.

"Octavia is in Ton DC, right?"

"Yes." Lexa answered, bewildered.

"We are heading to Ton DC tomorrow." Clarke said with finality.

"Why?" Lexa asked, a bit lost as to why Octavia's location was relevant to their current intimate situation.

"You will see." Clarke said in a determined voice and took Lexa's hand in hers.

"Where are we going now?" Lexa asked.

"I am not a fan of PDA so I think it's time I take you back to my room."

"But Clarke...what is PDA?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading it. Hope you liked it.  
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